Upon walking among the other students, a sense of ease fills in me. Though I still keep my eyes to the ground for the majority of the time, especially while in my dads sight. Even when I become lost in the crowd, I still avoid looking at anyone.

As I walk into the school grounds, I see the first of the booths. A math class that I’m not to even consider signing up for. My only destination was the home economics classes. They’re the only classes my parents would allow me to sign up for. And with them all being next to one another, I had some free time to walk around.

With my spare time, I wanted to look for a class to fill up my last open slot. A class I actually wanted to take.

I walk by an area that’s busy with other third years and see that it’s for college prep courses. Of course most people take serious classes at this point in their lives. Even the cooking courses I was forced to sign up for were full of people wanting that for a career. But it’s not like college or a career is what my parents are setting my up for.

They are already trying to set me up with their friends kids and will probably pursue much more matchmaking once I graduate. The thought of which makes me feel sick. And when they talk about me having kids of my own? Terrifying. It’s like I have no say in my life.

Good thing those thoughts go away once I get to the class booths I’m interested in. But what that specific class is though, I'm still not really sure. My plan was to walk around and see if any of them caught my eye. I don’t really have any hobbies or interests, so there isn’t a base for me to go off of.

And there's so many different types of classes my school offers, I don't know how I never noticed it before. They have different types of art, dance, and music classes; even occupational classes. The amount of choices are kind of overwhelming. I don't know if I'm going to have enough time to look at them all.

Suddenly, I feel as if drawn somewhere. Like there is an imaginary force that’s guiding me in a specific direction. It’s an odd sensation, but it’s too compelling of a force for me to ignore. As if it’s taking me somewhere I need to go to.

Which as it turns out, are the foreign language booths for some reason.

Never had I any interest in learning another language besides English, but I felt so compelled to look. If anything, maybe my mind was subconsciously thinking another language could somehow help me escape my parents.

The sensation feels like it’s becoming greater as I walk further down the line of booths. Though none of them fulfill that sensation. And as I walk down the row, the sensation feels as if it’s reached it’s peak, then goes away completely after arriving at one of the booths.

All the booths have a teacher and one or two students to tell you about the class, and there was something about the student sitting at this desk that felt so familiar. I hadn’t ever seen her before, but as soon as I looked into her eyes, it felt like I finally reached where I was being attracted to.

"Hi there! Are you interested learning Japanese?" she excitedly asked me in her soft, sweet voice.

I was completely caught off guard. The only thing that attracted me to the booth was her, and I hadn’t even known what kind of booth it was. It felt like I had no other choice but to lie “Oh uh yes... I've always been interested in learning Japanese."

"Then would you like to look at a pamphlet? I made them myself!" she looked so proud when handing me the piece of paper "It's a super fun language to learn and the classes are always amazing too! Our teacher is really nice and loves to teach people, so I'm sure you'd love her too!"

My hands felt sweaty as I took the paper from her “Yes, thank you. It’s a really nice pamphlet.” I’m so nervous I then pretend like I’m reading it.

This girl is making me really flustered, and not just because she's really cute. It feels like I know her already, but I don’t recall ever seeing her. And with her personality, she’s someone that I would definitely remember.

"So what do you think? Would you like to sign up?" she asked after giving me some time to read.

Still feeling so compelled by her, I felt like I had no other choice but to say “Of course I would! It sounds like it would be really fun!" then fill out the registration paperwork.

Once done, I had the paperwork back to her "Awesome! I'll be excited to see you in class!" she says, making me a bit flustered “Yeah, you too!" is all I can say before having to rush off.

As I walked back to my dad’s car, I wonder how I ended up signing up for a Japanese class. It's not like I've ever been interested in learning any language, especially Japanese. And in the part of the country I live in, there isn’t really a use for it. Did I really sign up solely because of a cute girl?

But if my parents found out that that's the reason I signed up for it, they would kill me. If we end up in the same class together, I need to make sure to keep my distance. But it was such a short interaction that it’s not like she would even remember my anyways. I bet she has the same personality with everyone that approached her.

Just walking up to my dad’s car right now has me nervous to tell him. Even though I’m not looking at him, I still feel his eyes glued to me, watching my every movement.

"About time. Give me your sign up sheet." he said as soon as I opened the door. I hold up a copy for him and he rips it out of my hand. While he’s reading it, I take my seat and buckle up, anxiously waiting to see how he will react.

After a moment of reading, he finally speaks “You signed up for all the classes we told you to, but what is this class? Why did you sign up for a foreign language? Are you trying to play some kind of game with me right now?"

I begin to panic “No no of course not… it's just... I had an extra slot I needed to fill after signing up for the other classes you told me to sign up for."

That doesn’t appease him "Well how is this suppose to help you with your future husband? How is another language going to help you while doing the housework and raising the children?"

My mind scrambled for something to say and I reach for the first lie I could find “I needed to pick another class, and this booth was the closest.”

Which didn’t look to work, so I tried something else "Also, I kind of thought that since our family is Japanese, that it might be nice to learn something related to our heritage. Maybe it might even help if you want me to marry a Japanese man in the future."

That seems to have worked "Oh. I guess I didn't see that it was Japanese. Good thinking with that, it probably will be somewhat helpful in getting the favor of the families around town. I won't make you drop it, but I better not find out that this is some sort of trick from you."

Even though I hated playing along with his delusions, it was better than the alternative. I’m actually able to relax a bit as he turn’s the car on and pulls out of the parking space. Now the car ride back to the house will be a lot easier.

Only as my dad stops at a crosswalk to let some students go by, he saw something that would ruin the calmness.

"Disgusting." he said in a vile tone "What kind of parent would allow their child to do something like that? Especially out in public! Maybe I should go find out who their parents are so I can inform them of their daughters gross behavior."

I look to see what his anger was about, only to see the cause being two girls holding hands. “They're just holding hands... girls my age do it all the time." I accidentally let slip out.

My heart beats quicker as he slowly turns his head to me "Did you say something?"

I could feel his anger, and it made me panic “Nothing, I didn’t say anything!”

Even though he heard me, he thankfully decided to not pursue it "Good, don't go thinking that something like that is normal because you see a few kids at school going along with it. It's always just a phase anyways; they'll break up once high school ends and they'll both marry a nice man like all good women do."

At this point, I have completely sunk down into my seat, hoping that he doesn't get violent with me.

"It still makes me mad." he continues "You better not even think about acting like them again. Your mom and I have sacrificed too much in order to raise you like a normal girl. Do you think we like having to monitor you at all times? Just to make sure you don't go around playing gay again?"

I was trying to hold back tears "I know dad. I promise I won't ever do that again."

Since I was being obedient to him, he decided to let it go "That's my girl. It made us real happy when you were finally able to fix yourself and started to live a normal life."

There was no more talking after that. The only noise that could be heard on the ride home was the sound of the car moving across the road. All of my energy was focused on trying to stop myself from crying. If he saw me cry, it would only anger him.

But the thing is... I didn't "fix" myself... I’m still a lesbian, I just had to force myself back in the closet in order to survive living with my parents.