Over My Head - Furslide

“Have you spoken to him yet, dickhead? Or do you just keep bolting every time you see him?

I…

I can’t

Don’t be a dick!

I’m not

I just

I can’t

Fuck sake. Why?

You know why

I don’t reckon I do

Yes

Yes you do

Nobody cares dude

Yes they do

Nobody cares that much about you

Not now they don’t

Not while I’m normal

Not while I fit in their boxes

And play out their pre-destined stories

But if I so much as stick my nose out of a crack in one of those boxes everything will change

Everyone will have an opinion

Everyone will care

He’s out

What?

Dex. He’s gay and he’s out

What?

How do you know?

He told me

You?

He’s told everyone. Everyone knows he’s gay and nobody gives a fuck.

Oh

So…

You don’t know

I do. I just told you. Everyone knows

No, I mean you don’t know that nobody gives a fuck

They don’t

Maybe here they don’t

But you don’t know that NOBODY gives a fuck

You don’t know that he didn’t spend years watching that one kid at school who everyone called gay, but who wasn’t even actually gay, get kicked the shit out of on a daily basis and decide that ‘everyone cares’

You don’t know that he deliberately didn’t get too close to anyone in school for fear that they might pry, or sense, or guess and make him the next victim because they care about that but not about him

You don’t know that he didn’t secretly watch Queer as Folk and feel something special towards it but then see how much ‘everyone cared’ in the newspapers and on the TV

You don’t know that he didn’t hear his mum say ‘she doesn’t mind it but she doesn’t want to see it on her TV’ and realise she cares quite a bit too

You don’t know that he hasn’t been paired up in some way or another with every girl with whom he’s ever had any kind of relationship for basically his entire life and felt the pressure of everyone’s expectations mixed with the fear that he might have to do this for the rest of his life, even though it feels so wrong, because it seems like the only viable choice for a happy and fulfilled life and to please everyone who cares so much

You don’t know that he hasn’t secretly explored the history of homosexuality in our society and how it has been stigmatised and demonised, criminalised and marginalised and used a political weapon and held up as a great societal taboo because ‘everyone cares’ so much

No

I don’t

But I still think you should talk to him

Why don’t you bring him to my birthday?

Oh

No

Fuck you

I’ve got a driving lesson….”