This wasn’t the first time Logan had In-School Suspension. He’d gotten in twice before. Once for not doing his homework and once for smoking behind the track field bleachers. A fight would have usually meant Out of School Suspension or possibly expulsion, but he and Matthew had been smart enough to pretend that their fight had all been a “prank”. 

The principal didn’t know what to do with them so she’d sent them upstairs to the empty classroom where he and Dakota would sometimes eat lunch. Now, he and Matthew were sitting in opposite corners, forced to do their coursework with some TA he didn’t know. That was okay because he didn’t want to go through classes anyway.

But this also sucked because he couldn’t be around Dakota.

Logan drew random shapes in his notebook, pretending to work on something. He kept glancing up at the TA. She’d first been writing something in the planner she lugged around, but now she was on her phone probably playing Candy Crush or something. 

While she was distracted, he carefully reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. 

i’m bored :(

He didn’t expect a quick reply, but he was surprised when Dakota answered a few seconds later. 

[Dakota] You should be working.

Logan pouted though the other boy couldn’t see him. He bit the inside of his lip as he started typing. 

i can’t. my face hurts.

[Dakota] Should have thought about that first before you got into a fight.

you’re mean

[Dakota] I’ll buy you something.

>:( that won’t make me feel better. 

[Dakota] Do you want me to kiss it?

Logan’s thumbs hovered over the keypad. His heart skipped. 

maybe

[Dakota] 💋

Logan stared at the red lips, feeling weird. He closed his phone and put his head on his desk.

“No sleeping!”

He sat up. His hair and face were flushed. He opened up his phone again after checking that the TA had gone back to her game. 

i want a real one

Dakota didn’t reply right away. Logan’s heart pounded. He couldn’t even check if Dakota saw his message or was currently typing. He thought he’d messed up when his phone vibrated.

[Dakota] I’ll think about it.

Logan almost made an audible sound. He covered his mouth with his hand. His fingers were jittery as he typed.

:) don’t forget

Logan swung Dakota’s bag over the back of the chair in the shed and stretched. “Before me, did you come here everyday?”

Dakota wasn’t as tired as Logan was, who’d demanded to carry his bag for him. He sat on the stool as he watched Logan sway back and forth.

“Yes,” he blatantly stated.

Logan pouted. “How are you not tired? My legs are killing me!”

He’d been walking so much this past week that he was sure his muscles must have grown twice their original size. His shoes were about to fall apart.

“When’s the last time you took a gym class?”

Logan paused his stretching. “Uh…Freshmen year?”

Dakota snorted. “And you wonder why you’re out of shape.”

“I’m not out of shape! I climbed that tree outside your house, didn’t I?”

Dakota tried to fight the grin, but his lips betrayed him. Logan noticed it right away and couldn’t resist teasing him for it.

“Impressive, wasn’t it? I bet you were thinking about it later, jealous that out of shape Logan was stronger than you.”

Dakota rolled his eyes. “Are you though?”

Logan smirked as he moved to stand in front of Dakota. “Want to find out?”

The switch in Dakota flipped not a second later. He grabbed Logan by the hips and whirled him around, sitting him on the stool where Dakota had just been sitting. 

Logan’s breath was knocked out of him. His chest stuttered for a breath, but it was taken from him again when he locked eyes with Dakota. The other boy’s hands dropped from Logan’s waist to brace on the stool. “What happened? You were talking such a big game earlier.”

Still, Logan couldn’t get over his shock. Dakota’s cocky attitude was so out of the blue that Logan wasn’t sure he was still in the same dimension. 

“You’re not talking. That’s a first,” Dakota teased. He tilted his head, his bangs moving ever so slightly. Logan noticed them, realizing that they’d been cut shorter. “Or are you feigning a concussion?”

Dakota moved so suddenly and so fast that Logan didn’t have a chance to prepare himself. He almost passed out when Dakota’s lips pressed against his forehead. 

“There. I didn’t forget.”

Those gentle lips on his skin were a fiery heat that seared into Logan’s soul. He blinked, mouth agape as he tried to breathe once more. The tightening in his chest wasn’t like anything he’d felt before. He felt his stomach twisting until he couldn’t tell if it was his stomach or his heart that was aching so badly.

He did know that he didn’t hate this. The feeling was strange, but it wasn’t painful. 

More painful was the ache that was left when Dakota stepped away. 

“Today I want to paint you.”

“Huh?” Logan couldn’t come up with anything more intelligent. 

Dakota had already moved to the desk where he started gathering supplies. He didn’t seem at all affected in the same way Logan was after the kiss. It had been nothing really. They were close like this now. They could tease each other.

But Logan couldn’t get over this feeling. He wanted to run and hide though it wasn’t quite shame. He didn’t hate Dakota or dislike what he’d done. He couldn’t make sense of it.

“Should I…?” Logan looked around as if he would find the answers strewn across the floor. 

Dakota came back to turn the easel around. “Just sit there. You don’t need to do anything else.”

If Logan was already on fire, he was now being doused with gasoline. He trembled like a fragile leaf caught up in the wind. He closed his eyes briefly, counting in his head to ease the pounding of his heart. When he opened them, he accidentally met Dakota’s and he was trembling all over again.

His hands tightened on his knees, almost clawing through his jeans. Dakota’s gaze was so intense that Logan thought he was going to be incinerated. The way Dakota looked at him wasn’t quite so like a person. He analyzed Logan not like an object per se, but a relic that needed to be documented.

If he could compare it to anything, it would be like being watched by a raven before it swooped down and took you back to its nest. 

The shed went quiet except for the scratching of the brush on the canvas. The air had thickened just slightly, but Logan didn’t know if it was just him or not. He blinked a couple of times and straightened while looking ahead. He wanted to look at Dakota, but he knew that if he did that it would show how it affected him on his face. 

Just as much as Logan learned to read Dakota, Dakota had become a good reader of him too. He wouldn’t say Dakota knew exactly what he was thinking, but he came near close to it sometimes. That made it easier to be around him. When they could sit in this silence without feeling the need to fill it, that meant a lot. And Logan didn’t know he cherished those moments until he was back home where the silence was suffocating.

“What are you thinking about so intensely?”

Logan had been staring at Dakota without knowing it. He’d lost himself in his thoughts again, almost feeling like he was falling into a dream. 

Dakota’s question was innocent, mixed with something that seemed on the verge of hopeful.

“Nothing in particular,” he honestly admitted. “Just…”

Dakota moved so that he was blocked by the easel. “Just?”

Logan licked his lips, wondering how he could say this without it coming out wrong. “I get the feeling that we’re not friends.”

The scratching of the brush didn’t lessen. It continued for some time, more agonizing than the ticking hands of a clock. “Why do you say that?”

Dakota’s voice sounded upset. 

Logan fumbled, twisting his hands together in his lap. “Do you think we’re friends?”

“You’ve never asked to be.”

Logan frowned. “That’s not how it goes.”

“Well, how does it go? I’m not exactly experienced in friend making, am I?” Dakota pressed the brush into the canvas hard, repeatedly, the canvas making a drumming sound. 

“You had that one girl before.”

“Yeah. Three years ago. We barely hung out,” Dakota muttered, getting annoyed by the second. “I would say we’re friends. Even without all the shit you did to me before. We hang out, we eat together, we text everyday, and you walk me to class. You even took a beating to defend me. But I guess we aren’t because you say so.”

Logan lowered his head in shame. “Sorry.”

He didn’t know what he meant. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to be friends with Dakota. When he set out to fix things, he never imagined that he would get close to the other boy like this. But he didn’t know why he couldn’t say that they were friends. He wanted it to be true, but at the same time, it was differentiating the facts from just his wants. 

Dakota went back to painting. His irritation came through without Logan having to see his face. It was settling into the room, forcing Logan to contend with it. And he didn’t need that to feel like shit. It wasn’t like he was trying to be an asshole. He’d done that so much the last time around that he knew when he was doing that.

This whole time, he’d been nothing but a better version of himself. This time he hadn’t tried to be the strongest out of everyone. He didn’t feel like he had to compete with Dakota.

That’s how it felt like last time. Everyone had liked Dakota when they were younger and he wasn’t even trying. Logan tried so hard to fit in with other kids that he came off as pushy. It didn’t help that he wasn’t the best dressed or that well-groomed. He resembled more like a stray kitten with a bunch of fleas than anything human.

It wouldn’t have been so simple to say that’s the reason why Logan hated Dakota so much. He knew it was more than that. It was everything about Dakota—his eyes, his face, his hair, the way he walked, and his resilience.

Logan had hated that the most. When he started bullying Dakota, he’d wanted nothing more than a reaction and attention. He wanted Dakota to look at him and want something, anything from him. All this time, it had culminated into something much more violent and uglier than what child Logan had wanted. 

He didn’t know how much longer he could sit here. His eyes were stinging. He tried to wait, to hold off the tears, but he couldn’t. He wiped his face quickly, hoping that Dakota wouldn’t see.

Time could have been going fast or slow. He wouldn’t have known. His brain was mush as he tried to figure out his feelings. Everything was too much. He thought it was always like this. He’d been a seed of rage and it didn’t take much for him to explode. But he didn’t know how much worse he could get. 

“I’m done,” Dakota announced.

Logan covered his face. “Okay.”

His watery voice was more embarrassing than trying to hide his tear streaked face. He started to get up. “I’m gonna—”

Dakota placed both hands on either side of Logan’s face. He held him gently, but firmly, still. 

“I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you,” Dakota softly said. “I’m also sorry for how it made you feel.”

More tears welled up. Logan squeezed his eyes closed. He gripped Dakota’s arms. “You bastard. It’s not you who should be apologizing.”

He pulled away from Dakota’s touch. He was feeling feverish. 

“Are you done?”

It had grown dark outside. They’d been sitting here for hours.

“Almost. Do you want to see?”

Logan wiped his face again, sniffling quietly as he walked around to face the painting. He expected to see a rough portrait of him sitting in front of the windows. Instead, what he saw was an angel.

The person in the painting most certainly resembled Logan, but he would most definitely say it wasn’t him. Because there was no way someone as beautiful as this could be him.

“I’ve never painted a real person before,” Dakota mused. “I don’t think I can if it isn’t you.”

Some things had never been clear to Logan. Why had he started bullying Dakota? Why had he returned home when he learned of his death? And why had he been so devastated that he jumped too?

As he looked at a painting that showed not just love but admiration for him, one thing became crystal clear.

Logan was falling in love with Dakota.