Saying that he looked at Dakota the same way since yesterday would be a big fat lie. It would have been naive to think he could go back to the way things were. Even before that, hurting Dakota wouldn’t be the same as it was before. There had been a certain satisfaction Logan got when Dakota looked at him with fear. He wouldn’t say that it would feel the exact way now. He didn’t want to be that Logan anymore. 

But when he had been that Logan…it was like that Logan would take whatever he could get from Dakota. He thought that was all there ever would be between them. Now, Logan knew he could have so much more. Not more than he found out he wanted, but more than just angry looks or pleading eyes.

Friendship. 

Logan thought he knew what it was when he had Matthew and Nate by his side. They were three peas in a pod—three very rotten peas but peas in a pod none-the-less. He never thought he would lose touch with them or that he would be okay with walking away from them. He hadn’t thought about it too hard until now, but he realized that they had all been bad for one another. How could they survive still being around each other when all they did was tear each other down?

It would have ended badly in one way or another. Logan was sure of it now. If he hadn’t gotten away that night, one day he and Matthew would end up in a disagreement that would take them farther from friendly fights. 

He never tried to make friends after that. He didn’t think he needed to. He was so wrapped up creating a stable life that he didn’t have the energy to be around other people. It was also partly because he wasn’t as sociable as he thought he was. Who would have thought the school bully wouldn’t know how to communicate properly?

Logan snorted at himself. He stared out the classroom window, head propped by his elbow. The lights were off. A movie was playing on the whiteboard, cast by the projector. Logan didn’t watch it. He instead watched the tiny white clouds slowly moved across the blue sky. 

Where were they going to go from here? What was Logan going to do? This was more work than he thought it would be. How dumb. He’d been deluded to think he was enough to turn Dakota’s life around. He hadn’t known about the boy’s father’s abuse. He hadn’t known how alienated he felt from everyone else. 

He hadn’t known anything and yet he jumped in to save Dakota when he couldn’t swim himself. 

The bell rang. It saved him from having to find a solution. But eventually, he would have to make up his mind about something.

Until then, Logan walked out of the room and plastered himself to Dakota’s side. 

“Ah,” Logan mused at Dakota’s sleepy face. He must have watched a movie too. “Have a good nap?”

Dakota rubbed one eyes and then yawned. “I swear if I have to watch To Kill A Mockingbird one more time…”

Logan ruffled Dakota’s hair. The other boy swatted at his hand and then playfully shoved him. 

“Stop it. You always do that,” he mumbled. 

“Make me,” Logan giggled then dodged when Dakota tried to do it to him back. 

“Disgusting.”

Logan stopped and turned to see Matthew watching them with his arms crossed. He stuck out his tongue. “Stop watching us, creep.”

Matthew’s face turned red. “If you weren’t basically fucking in the halls, I wouldn’t have to see you.”

Logan stepped toward Matthew. He didn’t care if he got sent back to ISS or if Matthew beat the shit out of him this time. A hand grabbed him by the arm. 

“Let it go,” Dakota said. 

That would be the smart thing to do. He was going to follow Dakota’s advice. It wasn’t like fighting with Matthew was going to help with anything. 

“Wow. Hanging around him turned you into a pussy.”

Matthew’s taunts fell on deaf ears. Logan and Dakota started to walk away. 

“You think you’re some savior or something? Give me a break. Your old man beats you and you come here, acting like you’re the man.”

Logan’s ears rang. “Shut your fucking mouth.”

Matthew laughed as he walked up to Logan. “Hit me, Logan. That’s who you really are. You’re just a fucking idiot who doesn’t know anything but violence.”

“Logan,” Dakota called. “Let’s go.”

His mediation was enough to get Logan to back down. Matthew smirked back at him, knowing that he’d already gotten under his skin. Logan should have been over it. These taunts meant nothing to him.

But it was like the old him was molding into one with him. The older and smarter version of himself was trying to speak reason with the younger hot-headed version who just wouldn’t listen. 

Matthew got up into his face. “You’ve got him wrapped around your finger. But he doesn’t know the real you.”

Logan shoved him. “Get away from me.”

Matthew laughed, standing up to him again. “Happy couple, aren’t you? Would be horrible to see you two broken up. Or one of you with a broken face.”

His eyes flicked to Dakota. 

“Stay away from him.” Logan gave Matthew one final shove, stronger this time. He knew that look on Matthew’s face. It meant he was coming up with a plan, something that would hurt and humiliate. 

Logan felt sick as he remembered how he used to join in on Matthew’s ideas. He reached blindly for Dakota’s arm and lead him away. Matthew watched them go with a smile still on his face. 

They were down the hall and near the staircase when Dakota ripped his arm out of Logan’s grip. Logan hid his hands in his hoodie pockets and looked down at his feet. 

“I didn’t meant to get angry.”

Dakota leaned against the stairs railing. His head tilted back. He stared at the ceiling, not speaking. Logan moved closer to him, risking it to feel like they weren’t being torn apart. 

Dakota suddenly tilted his head back down. His eyes locked with Logan’s. “Are there other things I don’t know?”

Whatever Logan thought he was going to say, it wasn’t that. He gave Dakota a confused look. 

“Are you upset about me not telling you about my dad?” He would have laughed if he thought Dakota wasn’t being serious. He hoped Dakota wasn’t being serious when he gazed back at the boy, but the look he saw said Dakota meant everything. After the initial surprise wore off, he got defensive. “I didn’t tell you because it didn’t have anything to do with you.”

Dakota gave a soft shake of his head. “Really? You just thought you were going to know everything about me and then leave me in the dark?”

Logan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you serious? What are we even fighting about right now?”

“We’re not fighting!” Dakota blinked hard a couple times. He went silent, lips pressed hard together.

Logan didn’t know what he expected. He didn’t know what was happening right now and didn’t have a clue as to what Dakota wanted him to do. Or to say. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

Dakota closed his eyes. “It mattered to me. You’ve been…I don’t know…trying to pick me apart. I thought you’d opened up to me too. It feels like I’m the only one who has to—fuck! I feel like I’m just a project to you. Like you’re trying to fix me so you’ll feel better about yourself!”

“That’s not true,” he pleaded. It might have started out like that, but it wasn’t like that anymore. He enjoyed spending time with Dakota. He wanted to spend more time with him and if he had the chance, he would have eventually opened up about his dad. It wasn’t like he was intentionally hiding it from him. 

He tried to reach for Dakota. He wanted to be close to him, to let the other boy know he didn’t mean to hurt him. 

Dakota jerked back. The reaction made Logan want to cry. 

“I need space,” Dakota said. His voice was firm. To make it even more clear, he looked Logan straight in the eyes when he said it. “It’s becoming too much. You’re suffocating me.”

Logan slowly nodded. “Yeah. I can do that. Are we—”

Dakota turned and ran up the stairs. Logan held still, holding his breath. When he didn’t feel like he was going to throw up, he let out a gasping sound that no one would have heard unless they were standing right next to him. He stared at the spot where Dakota had been, rationalizing what had just happened. He waited a moment for Dakota to come back, but when he didn’t, it really settled in.

He didn’t understand it. He really didn’t. But he was going to give Dakota his space. He owed him more than that and more.