Over the next week, Angel sat next to me in Advanced Lit, we talked, I admired his glory, and I would call Ida. It became a nice routine. I like having routines. It gave me something to trust, to feel comfortable in. And then Angel kind of broke the routine.

“Hey, Wilder,”

“Yeah?”

“Um, would you want to eat lunch with me tomorrow? You don’t have to, I just thought-”

“That would be really nice, Angel. Thank you.” 

And I meant it. But that didn’t make change any less scary.

We decided to meet in the cafeteria, considering it was lunchtime, and we found a table with minimal gum stuck to it to sit down at. I liked eating lunch with someone. Typically I ate alone, then went straight to my next class. Today I had someone to talk to. 

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did,”

“But seriously, Mawce.”

“Yeah, you can.”

“Why did you say yes?”

“I- I don’t really have friends, so I thought it’d be nice to have one to eat lunch with.”

“And is it everything you hoped for?”

I thought for a moment. “Yes.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“I’m an open book,”

“Why did you ask?”

“Same as you. And I hate being alone.”

“Why?”

“I was left on my own a lot as a kid, and I guess now I just feel like I’ve been resigned to my fate. I never had much fun on my own.”

“Oh. Um.”

“Don’t worry about what to say, you being here is enough.”

I blushed crimson. God I hoped he didn’t notice. I wanted to be the ‘cool’ friend, not the easily flustered gay guy you hang out  with because you’ve got no one better. We talked for the whole hour of lunch, and by the end, it felt like I’d known Angel my whole life. His favorite color was sunshine yellow, but he didn’t like yellow flowers because they were “too basic”. He loved Mario Kart and Minecraft, but refused to play sports or war games. He liked the way pecans smelled. And he was my first best friend.

Cheesy, right? But maybe I could let that be a good thing, just this once. It was scary to relinquish some of my cynicality, but it was nice too. My life seemed to be looking up, especially compared to December. I hugged my arms across my chest and smiled faintly as I thought about it. Yesterday had been amazing, but now I had to wait the whole weekend to see Angel again. I didn’t even get his phone number!

I decided to put headphones on, and I made a new playlist. Maybe I was foolish, but wasn’t I allowed to be? After all, I’d be eighteen in a month, shouldn’t I be a kid first, if only once? When the first song started playing, I couldn’t help but grin and spin around my room to sing along.

“‘Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream’ she said…”

I could’ve danced the whole night long. I could’ve sung my heart out.

“You, soft and only, you, lost and lonely, you, strange as angels…”

That line made me grin. And then my world fell to pieces.

“MAWCE WILDER GET OUT OF THAT GODDAMN ROOM!” Shitshitshitshitshit. I am so screwed. My mother ever starts screaming like that, the best chance you have is to run. But unfortunately, my window doesn’t open wide enough to fit me, so the only way out of the house would be through a main area. Which she is conveniently in. Wish me luck, reader. Wish me luck.