PAGES 128-132
Apr 03, 2017
Desert masters? New raven attacks? I do not know what will happen next ... Seriously, I do not know what will happen next :P
The Masked Mysadaean
Top comment
Oof, more glitches.
Panel #3: Has mostly to do with how you want it to sound. You might want to add a bolder font to "Never" "thought" or "That", but to be clear, only pick one. Also, maybe the shadow should seem more obscured if you want it to be more mysterious. But all things said, this is just to do with style.
Panel #7: It's came not come. That's it.
Panel #12-13: This also has to do with style. Behr could just not say "We have to hurry" before "I'll take a shortcut!", but he could also have a more determined expression on his face. Something more dynamic, but then again, he could also have a hyphen put in place of that period, and instead say "We have to hurry-" in panel 12, then say "We'll take a shortcut!!" evidently showing his eyebrows of determination. The lines work, but he could also have his teeth showing as well to illustrate how invested he is in these circumstances, and eyebrows can explain a lot. Even tiny ones.
Panel 15: Lucy forgot to say "Can't" instead of "Can". Otherwise, it's a good panel.
All I see wrong with these pages is a bit of style I think can improve further, a couple of glitches in grammar. That's it, and again; I'm still enjoying this, and I wanna know what Nathan will do with his new powers he has discovered with Joo. His pet thingy.
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