About once a year, usually when autumn has finally settled in leaving summer a distant memory, I give my razor a break and let my beard grow out. Perhaps calling it a "beard" is a little presumptuous; it's more like a "coarse stubble." Give me a couple weeks and I can definitely get a good "George Michael" goin' on.

During those seasons when I decide to let my facial hair flourish, I'm quickly reminded why I dislike growing a beard. Specifically,there are three things about beard growth that I hate. They are as follows:

1. When growing a beard, I can barely make it through the itchy phase. When it begins, I always feel confident that I'll make it. "This isn't so bad," I'll tell myself. But once the itchy phase settles in, OH MAN! It is THE WORST. Several times a day I'll have to vigorously rub my face to get relief. I'm sure I look like an imbecile, especially in public.

2. Growing a beard requires a lot of upkeep. You'd think it'd be easier than shaving on a regular basis, but that's a lie that beard enthusiasts like to tell you. For instance, when the itchy phase begins, beard enthusiasts will tell you to start using beard conditioners and moisturizers. I grew a beard so I wouldn't have to do that crap! Way to hook me with a bait-and-switch, beard nerds!

3. My wife is not attracted to beards. During the process of my beard growth, my wife will refer to me as "mountain man" or "scruff." These terms are not meant to be complimentary, but, as her tone implies, are quite derogatory. I love my wife dearly, and I enjoy her warm embrace. The beard has proven time and time again to be a daunting obstacle between me and said embrace.

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Do you struggle with growing a beard? What have your experiences been?