One early afternoon, I went out to have lunch with Clara and her friends. I guess they were also slowly becoming my friends, now. They pestered me for a while after the night of the party for sneaking out of the club without letting them know. It was strange to see how much they cared, since we barely knew each other, but I had to admit it was also nice. Obviously, when they started pressing me for details, I didn't tell them the truth. I just said I had gone back to my apartment, omitting all that had happened between that and my departure from the club. Seeing I had nothing interesting to say, or wouldn't say anything interesting, the discussion quickly switched to our plans for the long week-end that was approaching.
"I'm going back home," said Eric, which turned out to be Manbun's actual name. It might have been all in my head, but I had the feeling that, despite all his apparent extrovertedness, this guy was always pretending a little. If you asked me why, I wouldn’t have been able to say.
"Oh, lucky you!" cheered Clara. Then, turning toward me, "Do you plan on going home too?"
"Not before the holidays," I replied, staring at my chicken chow mein.
"So sad, your parents will miss you."
"Well, my mom works a lot anyway..."
"What does she do?" asked Nicole, another one of Clara's friends. She was a tiny girl with a huge head of curly black hair that looked bigger than the rest of her.
"She's an accountant." Why was I suddenly being investigated like that? Was that supposed to be payback for ditching everybody at the party?
"What about your dad?" asked another guy, who went by the name of Jose.
"He died a few years ago..." Although I couldn't blame him for asking, I always dreaded having to drop that into the conversation. It tended to ruin the mood, if there had been one.
"Oh, I'm sorry," said Jose.
"What happened?" inquired Nicole.
"Hum... Lung cancer, with metastases to the brain. There was nothing really they could do when it was detected.
"That sucks," empathised Manbun, a.k.a. Eric. That sounded sincere enough.
I just nodded. I was trying to have the subject die down on its own. Even though it had been six years now, I still didn't feel comfortable talking about my father's death and its circumstances. All was silent around the table for a moment as we thoughtfully picked at our food. I glanced at Clara from the corner of my eye. She had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time. I think she noticed me looking at her with some kind of sixth sense, because a second later she exclaimed, "We should go get ice cream after!"
"What? But it's cold outside."
"So what?"
It kept going like that for a while. Eventually, I got lost in my thoughts looking around the restaurant, a small place of six or seven tables. It was usually crowded during lunchtime, but it was just past that right now so there were only two other persons sitting near the front window. I recognised one of the women as being a chemistry professor, though I wasn't taking her class. Fragments of their conversation drifted over to me, about the new semester, the new students, grading...
"So, did you start it?" Nicole was looking at me intently from across the table. I wondered how long I had been daydreaming, since I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Sorry, what?" My confusion made Nicole and the others laugh a little.
"The assignment for the neuro class. Did you start it?" explained Jose.
"Yes."
"Wow, you're You're good! We only have two weeks left and I haven't even picked my topic yet," said Jose.
"Are you trying to impress someone?" That came from Clara, obviously.
"I'm just being organised, that's it."
The teasing went on for a few more seconds and we moved on to a different subject.
The assignment we'd been referring to was due by the end of October. Daniel had encouraged us to come seek his advice once we had a draft ready, so I went to his office one afternoon. Officially, I really needed some help with this paper, but as I walked through the bright corridor, I couldn't help feeling stupidly happy that I was going to see him. I snorted at how ridiculous I was as I approached his door. I had been to Daniel's office a few times before and it was a familiar place now. But despite the familiarity, I always felt nervous whenever I was about to enter. I read the name on the little plaque beside the doorway, as usual, like that could give me some kind of inspiration about what to do. The door was open just a crack. With a pounding heart, I tapped on it with my index finger. "Come in," said a voice from inside. I pushed the door. "Hi Damian, I just had a look at the draft you sent me. Sit down."
I sat on a chair near the desk while Daniel opened my assignment on his computer. He seemed in a good mood, a little more cheerful than usual.
"Honestly, I had a nice surprise when I read it," he started. "Your writing is very good! Usually, first year students still have quite a bit of difficulty with grammar and coherence, but you don't seem to have that problem."
I smiled a little at the compliment. Even thought it was still fairly bright outside, the window of Daniel's office was facing east and we were not getting much sunlight at this time of the day. The neon lights were off and there was an overall hushed atmosphere surrounding us. I got lost for a moment in how elegant he was, just sitting in his office like that, his dark outline drawn by the dim light behind him. Daniel went on to discuss the content of my assignment, how I could improve it, things to remove... I tried to listen, but I was distracted by my own train of thoughts. It was getting late, maybe he would leave school after our meeting. I could accompany him outside, we might linger on the street corner before going our own separate ways. And then... I gave myself a mental slap. I wasn't sure at that moment what my intentions were regarding Daniel, but I had to keep in mind that he was my professor. I would only be putting him in a precarious position if I tried to get too close to him.
We were almost done when a woman pushed the door and entered the office. "Oh, sorry! I'll come back later," she said when she saw me.
"Don't worry, we were just wrapping up. Natalie, this is Damian. Damian, this is Natalie, my fiancee."
My whole body turned to lead. His fiancee? That tall, pretty, young woman was his fiancee? At that moment, the clues I had ignored were bouncing around in my mind. The feminine blazer thrown on the backrest of one of the chairs, the texts at which Daniel had been glancing during our meeting, even his cheerfulness... I thought I might have spent at least five minutes lost in the deductions I should have made earlier, but Natalie didn't look like there was anything wrong with me and simply smiled, saying it was nice to meet me. Yeah, I thought, nice to meet you too.
"Natalie is here for a job interview," explained Daniel.
"Oh, I see."
"Daniel told me about you, what a funny coincidence, isn't it?"
I guess I had no right to be jealous of Natalie. Chocolate brown wavy hair, check. Stylish and elegant, check. Tall and graceful, check. Intelligent? To be determined, but there could be little doubt about that. They were perfect. They deserved each other. Really, I was happy for them. What a charming couple they'd make, along with their genius children who'd speak five languages by the time they'd turn seven. Even the dog would probably end up being smarter than me. Oh well.
I got up, said goodbye in the most cordial way I could think of and left. I knew there were virtually no chances that I would ever end up in any kind of significant relationship with Daniel. But having reality hit me in the face like that gave me a shock. Why, though? Didn't I say that I would only be putting him in a precarious position if I tried anything anyway? Then, why was I so crestfallen?
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