I didn't go back to school for a few days after that. I didn't want anybody to see me. I didn't want to have to explain anything to anyone. It's possible some people were trying to contact me, but I didn't check my phone or my laptop at all. I read a few books, and when I was done I re-read them. One afternoon, someone came to knock at my door and a loud, grating voice started yelling at me.
"Damian!" Clara shouted. "Are you just moping around in there? Let me in!"
So what if I was just moping around in there? My left cheekbone was still tender, my ribs hurt just breathing, and my ego was dead. Couldn't I do what I wanted this once in my life?
"Go away..."
"What's wrong with you?"
"Just leave me alone."
"At least, reply to your texts!"
She kept going like that for a few minutes. I stopped replying to save my energy. The banging ceased eventually.
I was still moping around a couple of days later when someone came knocking at my door again. Maybe Clara was back. I made sure to give no clue of my presence. I just lay on the couch, facing the backrest. If she really wanted to see me, she would have to barge in through the door. After a long silence, there was a second round of knocks, and then all became silent once more. Good... Oh, no, footsteps. Had I left the door unlocked? I didn't bother turning around.
"Go away," I muttered in the couch. "I told you I just want to be alone."
A voice replied behind me. "Damian, you're alright?"
Clara must have had a cold, because her voice sounded much deeper than usual. I turned around to look at the intruder, leaning on my elbows. I gasped, which hurt a little. "Daniel? How did you get in?
"Your landlady let me in... She was worried about you. I haven't seen you at school since last Monday."
"How do you know where I live?"
"I asked Clara. She's your friend, right?"
Of course. Daniel kneeled on the floor beside the couch. He was clearly examining me and I did my best to avoid his gaze. All of a sudden, I became very aware that I hadn't taken a shower for the past few days.
"What happened?"
"I fell down the stairs," I replied, looking away. He extended one hand and brushed his fingers against my bruised cheek. I braced myself for the pain, but it never came. His touch was unexpectedly soothing.
"These two guys did that?"
I shook my head and sat up, wincing. I didn't want to talk about it.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't know..."
He pressed his lips together in concern. "Let's get you to the hospital."
I watched his back as he walked toward the doorway. A minute or so earlier, when he had just entered, there had been a relieved look in his eyes. I couldn't understand why he had been relieved to see me full of broken bones, lying on the couch and skipping classes. How could he have expected worse? He took the coat that was hanging from one of the pegs on the wall.
"Daniel... Why did you come here?"
He stopped his movement, smiling awkwardly.
"You didn't reply to my texts or calls... I was worried. You seemed pretty down lately."
"I was going to come back at some point, you know." I'm not sure I believed it myself.
Daniel nodded, examining the coat in his hands, picking at some fluff absentmindedly, watching something I couldn't see. Was it possible that he knew about...
"I believe you. I just didn't want to take any chances."
"What do you mean?"
He seemed conflicted for a long moment. "I don't want to bring up bad memories..."
"What bad memories?"
Daniel's eyes shifted and then he sighed. He hesitated another instant before taking a deep breath. "Seven years ago, I was the one who found you..." Dammit, I think that was it.
"Your grandma was away at a conference for a couple of days and she asked me to check on you, since you'd be by yourself. When I arrived at her house, everything was silent, there was no reply when I called... and I had this really bad feeling." He hesitated again; I almost tried to stop him. I'm not sure why I didn't.
"So I searched all the rooms, and then I found you... I found you lying on the bathroom floor... Now, do you understand why... when I saw that you weren't answering my texts, and then when I arrived here, and you weren't opening the door, and all was silent... I got this horrible feeling again... that it was too late."
So he knew. I myself only kept a vague idea of what had happened that time. It was part of that big wasteland in my mind. The story had been told to me, but only briefly, in passing, when it had been impossible to avoid. I never asked any details.
"I'm sorry... I didn't remember."
"Don't worry," he said.
Neither of us moved for a moment. Eventually, Daniel broke the stillness. He helped me get up and put on my coat. I followed him back to the door. Just before exiting, he stopped, taking out a small bundle from his coat pocket.
"Oh, yeah, before I forget, I think this is yours..." He unfolded a long piece of blue fabric. I couldn't believe it. It was my scarf.
"I found it the other day in the street. Don't worry, I washed it."
I walked closer to him. I observed the scarf pensively, as if I was inspecting it, but really I was just lost in all my thoughts. He'd been afraid for me, that's why he was here. That memory... it seemed so unreal to me, and so vivid to him. It became clear that Daniel knew more about me than I wished he did. At the same time, I wanted him to know me even more than that... I wanted to know him even more than that, regain the memories of him that had slipped from my mind. "Yes, it's mine." I said quietly. We were so close, I could feel the warmth of his body radiating from him. He lifted the scarf and wound it around my neck, his fingers brushing against my skin, making me shiver. The fabric smelled a bit like him now, it was comforting, soothing. I started feeling dizzy, overwhelmed by his scent, his heat, his touch... I slid my arms around him. "Thanks, Daniel."
"You like this scarf?" I heard the smile in his voice, confused and understanding at the same time. His arms wove themselves around my back.
"I mean thanks... for saving me."
He held me tighter, pressing my head to his chest, and his fingers stroked my dirty hair comfortingly. My ribs hurt a little, but it felt good. There was something desperate in the way he held on to me, like he was scared of letting me go. "I'm here, Damian. If you're in trouble, I won't run away from you. Just let me help you."
"Why do you care?"
"I don't know, I just do." He softly laid his lips on top of my head before pulling us apart a little. Our faces were close together, the air between us warm with our breath. He looked into my eyes, then at my lips. I'm sure I did the same. He was already bending down ever so slightly… Holding the lapels of his coat, I pulled myself up just enough for our lips to meet in a gentle kiss. I sensed that he was resisting within himself, but he didn’t push me away. The taste of him lingered on my lips as I took an unsteady step back. If he was angry at me, he didn’t show any of it.
"Let's go,” he said.
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