“Yuuta.” Her voice penetrated the depth of my sleep “I’m hungry...” the whine of her voice “Yuuta! I’m starving to death!” So. Annoying. So damn annoying. “Yuuta! YUTTA! YUTTA!” An earthquake? A volcanic eruption? My eyes shoot open. “Yuuta! Oh! Hi!” Her blue eyes stared into mine. She pressed her chest against mine and pouted her perfectly pink lips “I’m so hungry. Make me pancakes and an omelet. With a side of white rice and some cake for desert.” She ran her tongue over her lips with a smile “pretty please? I’ll do anything for you...” She began to undo the knot in my pajama bottoms.

“Not into dudes.” I tossed her off me “and if I was. You’re not my type.”

She looked up at me from the floor. Big, wet tears filling her eyes “Y-Y-Yuuta?”

“Suck it up buttercup. The worlds hard for us guys.” I rolled my eyes and turned to the nightstand “it’s twelve in the afternoon and you woke me up this early for food? Learn to cook! Has anyone ever told you you're a useless incubus? Cause you are.”

She stood up and slammed her foot into the ground “succubus! Succubus! Men don’t have boobs like these!”

“Some do.” I corrected her not even turning around to entertain her.

“Yuuuuuuta!” She was slamming her foot harder each second into the floor “how many times do I have to tell you I’m a girl! Aoi is a beautiful girl. Big boobs, big butt –“

“Big penis.”

“Yeah, a big pen-“ She slammed her fist into my head “what did you say you worthless maggot?”

“Penis.”

“I thought so.” So drew back her fist and nailed me in the back as hard as she could “you’re a worthless piece of NEET trash.”

“Thanks. By the way. Learn to punch harder if you’re going to toss a punch.” I stood up and stretched “never known a guy to punch so girly before.”

“Are you saying girls can’t hit that hard?” She hissed “are you being a sexist?”

I shrugged “figure of speech.”

She growled, “I hate you, you stinky human.”

I sniffed myself. She wasn’t wrong. I was a stinky human. I was up late last night doing a rough workout with these two hot babes I know. By workout I mean a CERO Z game and by two hot babes I mean two 2-D girls who only want me for my sexy dragon slayer body and this six-inch sword I wield.

“Three.” Aoi said jumping onto my bed “at max.”

“What?”

I could feel the heat of her gaze on my back “and your dragon slayer bod needs a bit of work.”

“Stay out of my mind you hag!” I shouted, “and get out of my bed.” I turned out and there she was Aoi. The demon I am stuck with wearing “take off my underwear and get a better fitting bra!”

She wiggled her bare legs and pursed her lips “yours fit better.”

“Well no duh, they are made for guys.”

“Girls wear their boyfriend's underwear all the time.”

“I’m not your boyfriend.” I rolled my eyes hard that time “never was. Never will be.”

“Stop denying me Yuuta, I know you want me.”

“Like I want a fire breathing dragon as a pet.”

“That can be arranged.” I watched as her body began to change. Her hair turned to a glossy shade of pink, her body became thinner with a thick waist, those blue eyes turned to a deep shade of brown and her chest became too big for that tiny bra to hold “I can be just as good as those 2-D girls. Just give me what I want and I’ll let you slay my dragon.”

“Nah.” Arching an eyebrow I smirked “I prefer to hunt in water caves and not over mountainous terrain. Never know when that mountain could blow. Now, get out.” I jerked my blankets out from under her sending her flying into the floor once more.

“You’re an asshole!” Her blue eyes were staring at me from the edge of the bed “you’re going to die a virgin.”

“Better a virgin and not have to get any holes resized.” I smiled at how witty I was.

“You’re not funny. You’re not cute. You’re not good at anything but cooking and you won’t even do that. No girl would want a man who can’t do anything but play video games and only supplies are a year’s worth of lotion and tissues. Who is that dry and who blows their nose that much?”

“You’re right. I’ll be alone forever and ever. Forced to become a crazy cat lady.”

She hissed “don’t you dare bring any cats in here Yuuta. I’ll kill you!”

Shrugging I headed for the shower “they’ll be the only things that love me. Plus.” I turned around at the door to the bathroom and looked at her pouting faces “you can’t be around them.”

I slammed the door shut right as she tossed a pillow at my face “after you shower maggot you're making me pancakes!”

Turning on the water I stopped right as the warm water began to pour out. This had been my life for two months now. I lived with a shape-shifting, bat-demon thing from Hell who can’t leave till I give her my soul – which is never going to happen. I’ll never have a girlfriend because of her like I ever would have. I’ll never be able to have a normal life because of her but, it’s not like I had one, to begin with. I sighed stepping into the water. Life was so much easier without her here. Waking me everyone morning for school so she can eat not because she’s nice. Erasing all my save game data for her own. Wearing my underwear and leaving me with ill-fitting butt-floss panties which I’ve grown to like. Oh, how miserable my life has become. No more hentai because she transforms into the characters, no more personal or private time because she’s always around. “Kami-sama, just kill me. Save me from a loveless life. Without 2-D women to adore me or private Yuuta time. I’m a shell of a man! Strike me down before I go insane.”

“He can’t strike you down, maggot.” Aoi pressed herself against the door “I won’t let him.”

“I’m really in Hell.” I slid down to the floor “I’m a disgrace to men everywhere! I’m no longer a man. No longer do I wear the pants.” I turned to the bright green pair of panties on the sink “I wear a thong...the thong of shame! Behold cruel fate. You have severed the dignity of this man forever.”

“You never had dignity.”

“Shut up. Kami-sama, the great men and I are talking to one another right now.”

“I want pancakes.” Aoi scratched at the door “Yuuta pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!”

“A man who has been stripped of his manhood. Damned to walk the planet alone and without warmth. Cursed to ride this blood covered train to the depths of hell itself. Kami-sama. Why?”

“PANCAKES YUUTA!” Aoi smashed her hand against the door.

“Why her Kami-sama? Out of all the demon girls, I’ve seen on anime. You send me her.” I looked at the door “you could have had my soul gift wrapped. But you had to be funny.” Tears formed in my eyes as I slid the thong on. “Goodbye manhood. Our love was so shortly lived.” I looked down “at least these are cotton.” Tears streamed down my cheeks “it’s like a warm hug. On my-“

“You forgot to dry off again Yuuta.”

“Shit.”