I didn’t feel bad about it. At first I just thought that he got what he deserved. But as the night went on with my friends I couldn’t stop thinking of his face. His sad face crying and pleading with me to tell him it was a joke. And I was a cold and heartless asshole. Sure I was angry and tired, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on him.

When I parted ways with my friends that night I tried to go to the window of the room he slept in but he wasn’t there. I knew when he was upset he slept in his moms' room, even at the age of 14. I knew I would have to go over the next day and talk it out with him.

I went to bed and slept horribly. I knew I had crossed a line. No matter how annoying he was he was like a little brother to me. I hated him, but I loved him too. He was a part of my family. The family that had adopted me every summer.

I got up the next day and went to the house first thing. I had planned out my apology and everything but I was shocked to see they were already gone. I instantly opened my phone, thinking I would call him, but I was shocked again to remember that I didn’t have any of their numbers. I had never needed them since they were always next door when it was important.

When my parents came home I asked for a number to call but when I did Lucas refused to talk to me. I started to panic. Had I done something that I couldn’t fix? I kept calling him and messaging him but he continued to refuse to talk to me. I decided when they came the next summer I would take him somewhere nice and apologize. That’s the only way I could live with what I had said and hopefully get him back.

Junior year rolled by and now and then I wondered if Lucas was surviving in high school. I had started keeping in contact with Jamie and Alice and we emailed each other once and awhile. I was excited to see them when summer came but when they showed up, Lucas was not with them.

I had gone over as soon as the car pulled up, my guilty conscience pushing me over. I hugged both of them when they were out of the car, but the awkward reunion with Lucas I had imagined didn’t come. I asked Jamie where Lucas was and her face fell. She explained to me that Lucas had stayed home that summer, a last minute decision. He had told them he wanted to stay home and hang out with his school friends. He was old enough so they let him as long as he promised to call every night or message them.

I softly asked them if it was my fault that he hadn’t come, but they swore up and down to me that that wasn’t the case. I got the idea that they had no idea what I had said to him.

However, no matter the reason, he was gone. I was in complete shock. For eight years I had spent my summer with the annoying kid next door. It was completely foreign to even imagine what it was going to be like without him. So after catching up with Alice and Jamie I went home and realized I felt somewhat lonely without Lucas hanging onto me.

I graduated high school the next year. Alice and Jamie came to the ceremony but Lucas was still in school so he didn’t. I didn’t believe that was the reason though and when they came back for summer Lucas was not there just as I had expected. I started college and moved into the dorms and Lucas didn’t come when I came home for the summer. Lucas graduated but he still did not come. The only thing I got to see were his graduation pictures. He looked like a genuine jock and I couldn’t have been more surprised. He had looked so much older, taller, and muscular than the image of him I had in my head.

 Time passed and those summers felt like so long ago. My guilt over how I had treated him haunted me. I had always figured he would be there, to grab my hand and pull me along like I had no life of my own. I never realized that one day I would hurt him so much he wouldn’t come back. The thing about someone being like your brother and actually being your brother was that it was easier for one of them to cut you out of their life forever.