I shouldn’t have come today, I shouldn’t have come to day, I shouldn’t have come today. I repeat the words over and over in my head. I was completely shocked when the girl, introducing herself as Jillian, spoke to me. It has been two months since a single student has spoken to me. They usually just avoid me and I them. The sincerity in her statement overwhelmed me so much I had to leave. It didn’t help that the whole class had been watching. What does this mean? If she spoke to me will others?

I am outside with my back against the wall taking in deep breaths. My hand shakes as I pull out the ball to consult it. Can I go home now? I ask and turn over the ball. ‘UNLIKELY’. I shake it again ‘NO’. Growling I flick my wrist, ‘CONSULT ME LATER.’

I lean my head back slamming it a little too hard against the bricks. The second bell rings signaling the start of class. Reluctantly I drag myself off the wall and re-enter the building. Roaming down the hall several kids rush past me late for their own classes. When I reach the door I yank it open. I hate this class. It has nothing to do with the class itself. I don't listen anyway but before my parents… I used to enjoy it. I hate it now because instead of desks there are long tables three students at each on stools. I can’t corner myself and ignore the world I have to sit next to someone. Scanning the room as I move to my usual seat I stop short.

The only other spot is at the back of the classroom and its right next to Jillian. She looks as shocked as I am but the shock quickly twists into a smile. I glance again for a different seat but the result is the same.

A hand comes down on my shoulder and I turn facing Mrs. Unglar. “Go ahead and take your seat Austin.” She says. I can’t hear her over the music but I can read her lips. She is one of the only teachers in the school who isn’t afraid to talk to me or even touch me. “And take your hood off please.”

I turn from her and her hand slides from my shoulder as I make my way to the back of the classroom. Shoving my hands deep in my pocket I plop down on the stool. I think I hear it squeak but I’m not sure. There are only two of us at the table. Jillian is on the far side and I sit on the opposite end so there is a chair in between us. Retracting a hand I pull my hood from my head. Mrs. Unglar smiles at me as she starts the class.

“Okay, everyone quiet down, please.” I read her lips as she speaks trying to ignore Jillian staring at me from the corner of my eye. Another reason I hate this class. The windows are along the back wall and they are always covered. “Like I told you last time to go along with our discussions on cellular growth and to let you know how awesome this world really is we are going to watch Planet Earth. So pay attention, no phones and feel free to take notes. There may or may not be a quiz afterwards.”

She reaches up with the remote turning on the projector and steps over to her desk, in the corner of the room behind my left shoulder, to start the movie. Not knowing where to look I stare down at the table trying to ignore the fact that Jillian has moved a seat over and now sits right next to me. She reaches out but pulls her hand back. She reaches again tapping my shoulder. I glance over at her more with my eyes than my head. She smiles at me.

I can’t hear her voice. The movie is starting and she is probably whispering but I can read her lips. The little light coming from the shuttered windows behind us baths over her casting long angular shadows. “Have you seen this before?”

I ignore her question turning away from her but this girl demands not to be ignored. She taps on my shoulder again. I turn toward her this time and, though I try not to, I’m sure I am scowling. It doesn’t seem to deter her. “Can I listen?” She mouths pointing at my headphone. I look at my lap pulling the ball out as little as possible so she can’t see.

I can barely see the answer in the dim light ‘YES’. I pull the left bud from my ear handing it to her. The classroom is quiet except for the British narrator talking about the life of grass. She takes the small black earpiece trimmed in lime green and pushes it into her ear closing her eyes. I stare at her marveling. It isn’t tame music. Tame music would never drown out the thoughts. It is wild hard rock but she doesn’t seem to mind. I see her flinching at the volume and reach into my hoodie to turn it down. She notices and smiles at me as she opens her eyes.

A shadow falls over the desk. Mrs. Unglar circles behind us to the front of the table. She smiles down at us as she pulls the empty stool around to the front of the table then sits down placing a pile of pages on the desk. She turns to me first.

“Here is some makeup work for you, Austin.” She whispers. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard her voice and it's different than I remember. “Please try to get it done. I don’t want you to fail.”

She slides the sheets toward me and I place a hand on the pages. Then she turns to Jillian. Jillian looks panicked like she might be in trouble and she is not sure if she should pull out the earphone. Mrs. Unglar, sensing her distress, smiles at her. “Here are a few worksheets for you. Your old school was a little behind but these should help you get caught up pretty quickly.”

“Thanks,” Jillian says quietly taking the sheets and tucking them into her backpack, sitting on the table next to her.

Mrs. Unglar pauses glancing at me. Then she stands putting the chair back on our side of the table. I can see the plotting in her eyes and I dread what will come out of her mouth when she opens it. “Maybe you could do them together.”

After she leaves Jillian glances at the sheets under my hand which is quite a think pile then turns to me an awkward smile on her face. “I thought we were going to get in trouble.” She says then she sighs dropping her head to the desk tugging the other bud from my ear. I jerk forward, chair squeaking, trying to catch it but it slips through my fingers clanging against the metal leg of her stool with a soft ping. Jillian sits up looking down at the swinging headphone. Her eyes travel up to me holding my ear. It’s too quiet without the music and my ears feel funny without them, ringing slightly

“Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry.” She whispers fishing the bud up into her fingers. She reaches it out to me and I take it as she smiles. Mrs. Unglar clears her throat behind us to the left. I glance at her over my shoulder and she points at the screen trying to keep her face stern. When I turn back I see Jillian lipping apologies to the teacher then she turns to the screen but she still has my headphone in her ear and I see her foot twitching to the beat of the song.

The bell rings before the movie finishes and everyone rushes out of the classroom Mrs. Unglar calling after them.

“Keep your notes.” she hollers standing at her desk. “We will finish the movie next time.”

Jillian hands me back my headphone and I stand shoving my hand deep in my pockets. I leave the classroom without a word. I walk towards the front door and am surprised when I feel the tap on my shoulder. I turn. Jillian is standing behind me hugging her bag to her chest.

“Hey,” She says avoiding my eyes. “I was wondering if you wanted to do our worksheets together. We could head to my house. I’m not finished unpacking yet but it’s not far and I’m sure we could find a place to-”

“No,” I say calmly interrupting her hoping she can't see the storm of panic inside. I turn away quickly rushing for the door my chest tightening. I burst through the doors and don’t stop running until I’m halfway home. I duck into an alley slamming my back against the mildew covered brick wall painting from my run. My heart thunders in my chest and I clutch at it through my sweater. Then I panic digging the black sphere from my pocket. Should I go back? The answer mirrors my own jumbled thoughts ‘CAN'T SAY NOW.’ Growling I frantically shake it and look again ‘DON’T BET ON IT.’

For the first time I feel a tinge of disappointment at the answer I receive. Shaking it off I drag myself off the wall, leave the alley, and head for home.