"She only wanted things to be different. 

But that's not worth it. 

After that moment, she really became my Judy. 

Ever since she was little, she believed her name was who she was.

But I told her fame is a trip.

It ain't love, like a lot of people think.

But she wouldn't listen".

Those were the words that my Aunt Alexandra said to me. 

My name is Jude Carmichael.

I used to be a foster child, until I found my family. 

I was born and I live at New Orleans, Louisiana with my big family, after my foster child days are over. 

I have 6 brothers, Harry, Niall, James, Zane, Dylan, and Chris. I have 6 sisters, Grace, Teala, Vanessa, Veronica, Riley and Haley. I have a mom named Ryan, a dad named Jonas, an aunt named Alexandra, an uncle named Omar, a grandpa named David and a grandma named Joy.

I wish I can tell you about them but I'll save it for next time. 

But I got a feeling.

I was wearing a glittery crimson red dress.

I looked at the mirror. A dull room of sadness fogged me. The murderer, the funeral, all that sex with Shawn. Everything. Blood filled my high heels as I confront my demons.

I keep singing "American Funeral" as my strength.

America, the beautiful,

America, the murderer

America, the funeral

Oh!

America, god bless America.

My glittery red dress. My freedom. My savior. Was that nothing? I looked down, look up at the final time. But that doesn't matter. Those were the words Aunt Alexandra told me. She used to call me Judy, until she ran a record company called Unleashed. Turns out, this wasn't the time for that.

This regret. Please forgive me. Is this real life? I don't know. I look at the mirror the last time as I walked down the stage as the crowd cheers for me. If they just put they're hands up, they don't give a damn about me. 

I hold down the curtain as I walked down the stage. The best is yet to come.

"Can we stop?"

"I don't want to do this anymore".

"Please".

xoxo, Jude