The bad guy has a crystal ball.

“He can see everything with it,” Tridian Stomark said to his companions. “He knows we are coming and that we are already here. Everyone remember the plan and stick to it.”

Tridian was a born leader. Good looks, charismatic voice, fine posture, long flowing golden hair, strong jawline and perfect teeth. He was the type of man to fight for a cause, whatever that cause may be. It changed everyday. Today’s cause was to save a princess from the castle of a bad man.

No one really knows what the man did to deserve the title of a ‘bad man’. He wasn’t even an ‘evil man’. Just a bad one. It was kind of a pity to raid his castle really.

The company of heroes stood in front of the giant castle of said bad man. Fifty-seven floors in all. Made of the finest stone and solid steel doors. No wood here. Not even oak, and everyone knows oak is a fine wood. Oak couldn’t hold a candle to steal though. In fact, the candle would burn the oak up. Steel on the other hand, kept the neighbours out, and the monsters in. No one knew how many monsters lived in the castle. After all, they were monsters. If you put a few monsters in one place they tend to breed and have families of their own, just like people, some would say. They killed each other for food too, making drastic changes to the population all the time. It wasn’t like the bad guy could keep a constant census of monsters. Believe me, monsters don’t like to fill in forms.

“Right gentlefolk, and ladies,” Tridian said. “We’re going in.” He gestured to the old magician Magus Glorax, who placed both hands on the door and chanted some magic words. Curious I went closer to him and wondered what he was saying. It sounded like gibberish and garbage. I sighed. It’s going to take forever for that spell to get everyone in. Why don’t they try knocking? Why don’t they actually try opening the door even? There are handles there! I sigh and then silently I help out the magician. I don’t let anyone know I helped though. After all I am a nobody to this party. They wouldn’t believe me.

The majestic doors swung open with a loud bang, crashing the sides of the wall. Whoops. That’s going to cost a lot to repair. I think.

“Well done Magus!” Tridian said clapping the old man on the back. He was sweating profusely and panting really hard. “Nothing… to it…” the old man wheezed. He looked like he needed a hospital not a quest. Really why did people think the older the wizard the better they were at wizardry? Most other old folk retire and go into old folk homes.

Tridian went into the building and everyone followed him. The old man hung back and looked around trying to figure out who gave him help. He didn’t notice me though, the old coot.

Everyone stopped in the hallway, some mouths agape in surprise. The hallway was a relatively small one for a castle of this magnitude. That wasn’t so surprising though. What was surprising, was the decorations. There was a banner strung from the ceiling that read ‘Welcome Questing Adventurers!’ in bright red glittering letters. Below that was a table with a few refreshments and some flyers and brochures in a little brochure holder.

“Be careful! This could be a trap set up by the fiend!” Tridian barked. He looked at the floor and found a loose rock and chucked it at the food. Bits of chips and drink flew around everywhere, spraying the questers. What a waste. I thought. Nothing else happened.

“…Why would you even do that?” A small red haired girl in his party asked. I couldn’t remember her name, Rosa or something? Rosie?

“I’m just watching out for everyone Carol,” … ah, …Carol… I wasn’t even close. “It could have been a trap,” Tridian said, looking a bit disappointed. Everyone went closer to look at the food scattered around. A few hungry ones started munching on what was left of the spread, eating around the rock in the middle of it. It was a long journey from the nearest town, and most of the food supply was down.

“It could be poisonous!” Tridian said with disgust watching his men eat. Then curious he stared at them to see if there were any effects. No one died. No one even choked. Tridian started to pick at a few potato chips himself, still a bit disappointed.

After satisfying themselves, a few started to go towards the brochure holder. The brochures ranged from pretty scenery of the surrounding area and to one about the castle. The flyers were mainly advertisements. There was one for the local butcher in the closet town. One of the other flyers read ‘Tired of your day job and lack of stable income? Become a minion of Castle Madigar! Apply today and reap profits tomorrow!”

“The fiend is recruiting!” Tridian laughed disgustedly. “As if anyone would want to apply to work here!” He swished his cape behind him and trotted off towards the far side of the hall, entering deeper into the castle. A few watched him leave then took some of the flyers for themselves.

There were three doors on the other side of the hall. Each made of steel. Carvings on the top of the doors read:

Enter, but choose wisely.
Your first choice could be your last.
The keys are hidden within the room,
Will they lead to respite or doom?

What a nice poem. “Men!” Tridian boomed. “There seems to be a riddle on the door!” I don’t think it went as far as a riddle. I think it was literal. In fact I was sure of it.

“What does it mean?” A girl asked.

“Hum… what does it mean indeed?”

I could barely understand it. Not the poem - that was obvious. This group. This was probably the worst group to come in here. After a while of pointless debate the red haired girl, Carol, went forward and tried the middle door. It swung open. “I don’t think it was locked.”  Huh. The bad guy forgot to lock the door? It didn’t matter anyway, the key to this door was below all the chips in the largest chip bowl. It would not have been that hard to find really, a bit of it was already peaking out because of all the displaced chips by that thrown rock. 

“Well, I don’t think we can decide what door to actually go into so why don’t we just go into this one since its open?” Another of the girls said, upset that Carol took her spot in the limelight. This one was tall and blonde, perfect nose and all the right proportions. Not my type though. Cathady I think her name was. I'm not sure why we could not decide on what door to go in though. I mean we could just look for the keys and then see which doors have better options. The girl marched into the room and then we heard a scream. “Hark, a monster!” She cried.

“Rosanna!” Tridian cried out as he rushed into the room to save her. Huh, Rosanna. I was not even close. Everyone ran in after her and then past her as she lay sobbing on the floor. No one seemed pay any notice to her crying once they actually saw the monster she was crying about. It wasn’t just any monster. It was a dragon. He lived in that room. It said so in one of the brochures. The dragon was a pale greenish colour. It was curled up in a ball, puffing smoke into the air. It looked old and sleepy. Around his neck was a metal chain with a tag on it that read ‘Keith’.

“I’m sure the vicious man in the tower has brought him out knowing we were here! I bet he lives at the furthest room until adventurers come. Back! Back, you fiend!” Tridian cried brandishing his sword at the beast.

I’m sure the vicious man did not bring the monster out. He lived in that room. It said so on a brochure. But it’s not like they would believe me. Tridian went closer and poked the dragon with the sword.

The dragon’s head rose and he puffed down smoke to his face, then went back to sleep. Keith was a special dragon. He learnt human emotions from a very young age. Empathy was his favourite. He just didn’t care. He was disinterested in everything.

After a bit more poking at the dragon with their swords and magic tricks, and with the dragon reacting to absolutely nothing, the party crept around the it and made it through to the next room. All cheering at each other that they managed to make it past the first hurdle.

It seemed like they came for adventure. They were disappointed when it wasn’t scary and was not what they were expecting. Adventurers were always rushing from one thing to another. If they read the stuff around the rooms like the brochures for instance, they would have known a couple of things. One of them being the reason that there was no wood in the castle beyond the hallway was because everything breathed fire. All the monsters. That, however, was the only thing they had to care about. The monsters didn’t eat people. They were better than that; they knew their own diets well. But that didn’t change the fact that they, like me, loved a good game.

I giggled as I watched another dragon chase after them down a long hallway. They won’t make it to the top room where the princess was meant to be. Not this lot. They could barely figure out what was puzzle and what was just plain fact. Even if they do reach the room, they would not even find anybody anyway. At least I don’t think so. There was no one there the last time I checked. The princesses that came to the castle usually got bored waiting for heroes. It took them terribly long to get there. A lot of them gave up along the way and just retraced their steps back out of the castle. Most of the princesses that came to the castle, came demanding to be held hostage. It was a bother really, but princesses are so used to having their way and throwing tantrums otherwise. And annoyingly enough they keep banging on the door until they get their way.

Though there would not be any princesses though, there was a note that said, “Well done hero/es. Congratulations from making it this far. Complementary beverages are in the storage room to your left”.

I watched again as this troubled lot make it to the safety of another room, and are confronted with a small lake to cross over. I was proud of that room. The monsters in the lake were so in character. And I loved the surprised look on peoples faces when they realised the monsters in the lake also breathed fire. 

Oh, who am I, you ask?

Isn’t it obvious?

The bad guy has a crystal ball.