Holly was nervous. She was standing in the middle of the girls’ locker room. The rest of the cheerleading squad was changing around her, but she couldn’t bring herself to join them. She just felt too out of place.
“Come on.” Nicole said to her, running over in her underwear. “You have to hurry.”
Holly gulped and placed her bag down on the bench. With shaking hands, she reached for a locker that had her name on it. It turned out that anyone on a school team, including the cheer squad, got their own personal locker.
“Wow.” The girl next to Holly, Natalie, breathed. Holly looked and saw that she was staring at her. “Your skin is glowing. What do you use on it?”
“Huh?” Holly touched her face. She hadn’t put anything on it this morning, but sure enough, the skin was smooth. She thought about it for a moment and almost laughed when she realized what it was. “It’s Vaseline.” She told Natalie.
The other girl made a face. “Really?”
Holly nodded. “Yeah. I put it on to keep plaster from sticking to my skin.” She fiddled with the strap on her bag. “We were making masks in Art class.” She explained.
“Well,” Nicole said. “It did wonders for your skin.” She suddenly grabbed the bottom of Holly’s sweatshirt and yanked it up. “But you have to do something about these clothes. You almost look like a boy.” She pointedly removed the hat that Holly had tucked her hair up inside.
“Um, okay.” Holly said softly. She focused on changing into her uniform. Her hair tickled her back when she pulled off her shirt and she felt very self-conscious. Then she had to take off her baggy pants and exchange them for a skort. When she was done, all she wanted to do was hide in a shower stall.
But instead, she followed the rest of the girls out of the change room and onto the football field.
* * *
“Bah!” Holly gasped as she flopped down on her bed that night. The game seemed to drag on forever, and she was exhausted. Fletcher had come in the end, which she was grateful for, because he had given her a ride home. Now she just lay in her room, still dressed, but feeling so very comfortable.
Fletcher’s lucky. She found herself thinking. He doesn’t have a body like mine.
She sat up, blinking. In her exhausted stare, her brain had gone to exactly what she was thinking deep down. Her thoughts confused her. Just two days ago she had practiced with the squad, wearing the same uniform she wore today, and she had felt so proud and free in it. Somehow, she was different today, like another person.
She flipped over and looked up at her ceiling. Her hat tipped off and fell back, but it still held her hair up so that her comforter brushed against her bare neck. She had worked so hard to grow her hair long, but sometimes she just couldn’t stand it.
Suddenly, Holly thought of something. She grabbed her hat and jumped up from the bed. She went to her desk and dug through the stacks of random papers that sat there. Finally, she came to a flyer from the school’s GSA about the gender spectrum. She returned to her bed and read it.
She spent the next three hours reading every little bit of the flyer over and over again. By the time she fell asleep, with the flyer still clutched in her hands, she had all but memorized it.
As her mind calmed, a smile spread across her face. The words in the flyer had given her peace, and had opened things up to her.
* * *
The next day, Holly confidently put on a skirt and faux leather jacket. She carefully applied tinted lip-gloss and did her hair. Then she grabbed her purse and dashed from the room.
“Fletcher!” She called, banging on his bedroom door. When he opened it, she pushed her way inside, not caring that he was in the middle of getting dressed. She sat pointedly on his bed. “I need to go shopping.” She declared.
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