Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Does anyone have a pair of tweezers?
Maybe some scissors?
Okay, no, no, I need a chainsaw this time.

I have this… Er… Thing.
It’s not very spoken about so, please don’t laugh…
It doesn’t have a name so, I named it instead.
I’m pine tree intolerant.

Now, let me explain.
I sound crazier than normal, holy crow.
This… Condition that I have, it’s not rare.
Lots of people get it but, I’ve been diagnosed by all my friends at this point.

Symptoms include compulsive consumption of pine needles
Stomach aches from such action,
Not being able to digest the butterflies that live in the pine trees,
Sweating, nausea, lightheadedness, dizziness, squealing, and unadulterated obsession with the tree.

Now, my pine tree, is actually terrible.
It looks like most pine trees but, it’s a bit thinner.
It’s kinda like a Charlie Brown tree, which isn’t bad.
My pine tree is actually really… Different.

I don’t have a blue spruce.
My tree doesn’t grow near rivers or valleys
My tree is not an evergreen but a seasonal tree,
Always changing it’s needles from outer pleasure.

Now, there are a variation of pine trees you can get.
Some have really sharp needles that you can’t touch without protection.
Some trees are blue, some are green.
Some pine trees have soft needles and long limbs that stretch to the sky.

Most trees are very decorated, like an all-year Christmas tree.
My tree is covered in red and blue, my favourite colours to be honest.
Sometimes my pine tree has a star, sometimes it doesn’t.
My pine tree is indecisive. Like, a lot.

Now, you don’t eat the pine needles unless you know they taste good.
Most people can digest this and be fine but, my stomach can’t handle it.
I get sick and anxious with my tree a lot and it makes me upset.
But, what can I say, it’s my tree’s fault that it’s always so nicely decorated.

I seem to like this tree a lot,
But there are some days when I can’t stand the tree.
These days, this tree doesn’t want to be there and neither do I.
My tree pokes and prods and plays and I don’t want it.

I’m not quite sure what kind of tree it is.
What pine tree causes anxiety?
What pine tree gives me four anxiety attacks within three days?
What pine tree unintentionally hurts?

Mine does.
Lucky me. : /

I think my pine tree knows it’s my favourite.
I like to watch it shine during the fun times.
So, yeah, I like my pine tree.
Sure, it’s busy.
Sure, it’s popular and other girls want my pine tree.

But, I still have a chance.