“Elliot, it’s one blind date. I promise you’ll like him!” Winona West whined from behind the kitchen counter.

Elliot looked up from his nest in the pristine, white shag rug that filled most of the living room floor, to glare at his roommate. She just so happened to be the world’s most infuriating paradox of a woman, somehow existing on two planes as both the best roommate and friend anyone could ask for; and the absolute fucking worst.

At the present moment, she seemed to insist on existing as the latter.

They had met several years ago when Elliot moved to Starlight City for college, but if anyone had asked he would say it was much later on, because he’d be damned if anyone was privy to stories of his wide-eyed, naive youth. It would be believable too, as for a brief and fleeting moment they had both worked at InfoBYTE, hired on exactly the same day.

Winn, however, escaped not long after her hiring date. Hired by a major fashion magazine, not that it had came as a surprise to quite literally anyone as Winona West was without competition the most fashionable person in all of Starlight City.

It was roughly ninety percent the reason Elliot had kept her close, despite her knowing entirely too much about him for his comfort. Companionship aside, nothing is better for your reputation than personally knowing a stunningly gorgeous, biracial amazon of a woman with connections to spare.

The other ten percent was, of course, personal attachment.

But Elliot would deny that if asked, too.

He knew what this was about, of course. This wasn’t the first time that Winn had tried to push this particular blind date onto him. She’d tried before to set him up, but the motive then was far more altruistic. Now she only had one thing in mind; pushing her not-girlfriend’s only other friend onto Elliot. Not that it surprised him or anyone else that Valerie Sparks and her stupid last name and her loud, obnoxious voice could only make one other friend outside of Winn. But why that was his problem was beyond his understanding.

Elliot frowned without looking up from his laptop, “Can’t you and whatever-her-name-is just go out like two normal people? We’re not children, Winona. There’s no point in a double date.”

“This is different,” She whined again, this time sneaking up behind where Elliot sat to snake her arms around his shoulders, “Val’s friend really needs to get laid. And he’s way too socially awkward to just go on a normal date, apparently.”

“Yes, and your “local and desperate homosexual™” would be more than happy to help, is that what I’m getting?” Elliot glared, still without moving from his position as he typed away mindlessly at yet another stupid InfoBYTE article about the newest celebrity drama. A part of him wondered if perhaps he was taking out his frustrations of having to write this drivel on the present situation.

Winn huffed loudly, peering over Elliot at the article he was furiously typing away at, “Well, it’s not like you’ve been picky before.”

Elliot finally broke his concentration on the screen in his lap to shoot his roommate a nasty look before he resumed his typing, “Says you.”

He had never made his disdain for Valerie a secret, but usually he tried to be a bit more civil. Elliot pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling slowly. There was a part of him that wanted to not get so agitated so easily. After all, Winn had done a lot for him over the years. Being a bitch to her didn’t really benefit either of them.

On the other hand, god damn did he really hate Valerie.

“Look,” Winn said, unsnaking herself from Elliot as she flopped onto the couch dramatically, her exasperation obvious, “I actually finally met him the other day, and he’s actually really cute...and charming, in an awkward way. And no offense, but he actually strikes me as someone who’d be really good for you.”

“Lonely and desperate strikes you as my type? My God, could I ask for a better friend in this life than you?” Elliot quipped.

Winn pouted dramatically, crossing her arms with a flourish, “No, you’re the devil incarnate and he’s really nice. If I’m lucky he may rub off on you just enough you can pass for human again.”

“Thanks.” Elliot retorted flatly, not finding the energy within himself to continue the argument, “If I go will you re-tailor my suit? The arms are all flubby again.”

Not that the insult stung, because of course it didn’t, but conceding wouldn’t be the worst thing, Elliot supposed. Besides, if he could get something out of it he’d agree to just about anything.

Winn leaned over, awkwardly dangling from the couch and kissed his forehead, “Thanks, doll! Val is going to be super excited.”

“Tell her not to get her hopes up, let’s see how the forty-year-old-virgin holds up.” Elliot said smugly as he closed his laptop.

“He’s only like, twenty-four.” Winn frowned, already typing away on her phone.

Elliot frowned, though somehow not without Winn’s notice.

“That’s only two years younger.” Winn said flatly, “He’s at least older than Tommy.”

Elliot shrugged, resigned to his fate, “Still kind of old to be a virgin, don’t you think? Just don’t show me any pictures. I want to be surprised.”

Win smiled, “Lucky you, he hates social media so I don’t think I could find one unless Val sent one.”

Elliot exhaled sharply, I had meant that sarcastically, “Ew.”

                                                                 ✵

Elliot sat at the booth of Starlight Diner, swiping away at his phone in the throes of what had started as light curiosity and had somehow morphed into a mad chase for...anything.

Much to both his surprise and dismay, there really wasn’t much to find on Valerie’s sad, mystery friend. Which was as tantalizing of a mystery as it was appalling human behavior. At this point, Elliot hated to admit it, but he was certainly intrigued- baited hook, line, and sinker into the enigma that was his blind date. There was one photo of a trip to an amusement park on Valerie’s social media in which the name Daniel Chae was tagged, but that was only attached the the back of someone’s head.

That was it.

There wasn’t even a profile linked to the name. Not Facebook, nor Twitter, no Instagram, not even a LinkedIN.

That fluffy-haired scalp was all Elliot had. He couldn’t even see the body of Daniel Chae, as multiple people in the photograph obscured him entirely.

All save the back of that head.

Elliot scoffed, He’s got to be damaged goods, who has this little of a social media footprint?

“Are you still trying to find him?” Winn asked in amusement as she plopped back down next to Elliot in the booth, the smell of her cigarette clinging to her bright red bomber jacket.

“This is insane.”, Making a noise of discontent, Elliot placed his phone screen down onto the table, “What is he? A ghost? A secret agent? Is he in the witness protection program?”

“He could be a vigilante.” Winn offered rather unhelpfully as she attempted to wave down a waitress, “Or one of the villains that’s popped up around here. Maybe I read him wrong and he’s perfect for you in all of the wrong ways.”

Elliot snorted indignantly, “That would be working under the assumption that Valerie knows someone who’s cool.”

“She knows me.” Winn said, dark and perfectly sculpted eyebrows knitting together in offense.

“Yeah,” Elliot sighed, “There are always exceptions to rules, I suppose. I do often block the knowledge you care for that miscreant from my memory.”

Winn rolled her eyes, pulling her cell phone from her pocket, “You know, if you got to know her I think you’d be friends.”

Yes, and our first outing as such will be a snowball fight in hell, “My point still stands, I can’t find anything on this guy. It’s crazy.”

Winn paused thoughtfully, “You know, it might have something to do with his family. Val said they’re like, loaded.”

“You could have mentioned that first,” Elliot frowned, “Crazy is acceptable if crazy is also loaded.”

“Yeah, but like...he apparently lives on his own and works like, a normal job.” Winn said, pausing to take a sip of her soda the moment the waitress sat it down, apparently she’d come here enough that wasn’t something Winn needed to specify, “Something about wanting to pave his own way or whatever.”

“So, what I’m hearing is he’s a serial killer.” Elliot said, reaching to pick up his phone, “Your obnoxious girlfriend’s only other friend is a serial killer. That would certainly explain his sex life....or rather the lack thereof.”

“We don’t like labels.” Winn said with a grin that certainly conveyed that she, at least, liked the label.

Another mark against Valerie Sparks.

“You’re missing my point,” Elliot frowned, “You’ve set me up on a blind date with a serial killer, His first time is going to be my last time. He’ll probably decapitate me, send you my head as a gift. “Thank you for the sex and murder victim,” The note will say, “I would have gotten you tea, but I felt this much more symbolic.” And then you’ll have it taxidermied and hung on the wall and then I’ll be doomed to haunt the apartment, watching on as you replace my precious rug.”

“Has anyone told you to chill lately?” Winn snickered in amusement, “He’s not going to kill you...and I’d never hang your head on the wall.”

“But you would replace my rug.” Elliot frowned, glaring at her accusatorily, “If he’s not a serial killer, then please, by all means, provide me with a logical explanation as to why he’s a virgin without a Facebook.”

Winn opened her mouth to speak, but before she could a quiet voice interrupted her nervously, “Why do you say the Facebook part like it’s what offends you more?”

Elliot turned, foot firmly planted into his mouth as Valerie and a now oddly familiar scruffy head made their way to the booth, an amused glimmer apparent in the man’s eyes, even behind thickly lensed glasses, as he slid into the booth.

Elliot was not very accustomed to feeling like his foot was in his mouth. It was a sensation he should certainly be used to at this point, but not being the best person he could be had accustomed him to a general lack of self-awareness, which was required for such a thing. His heart had nearly stopped as he’d completely forgotten what this had felt like.

He scrambled to recover, tapping into his inner soulless journalist in an attempt to save face had never failed him before, but in his shock it seemed the little inner voice was sending him to voicemail.

Winn noticed his delay in response, and could probably hear the internal scream that echoed through his brain. She didn’t do anything to help, of course, but Elliot couldn’t necessarily blame her. He’d still keep a mental note of her betrayal, though.

“I...Uh… I mean…. It is.” Elliot fumbled, “Weird, I mean. To not have Facebook.”

“As opposed to being a murderer for sport?” Daniel Chae asked him, his voice light enough to be kidding but also genuinely confused.

Of course he’s confused, dumbass. Elliot chided himself, He walked up as you were accusing him of being a serial killer. Look at those soft ass cheeks, he couldn’t kill a fly if he wanted to. But then why doesn’t he have a Facebook? Or anything social media? With those eyes he could easily become one of those ridiculous Instagram models.

Elliot snapped from his internal monologue long enough to form a partial sentence, “That’s fair enough, I guess.”

“I haven’t killed anyone, at least not that I was aware of.” Danny said with a nervous glance over to Val, “And it’s mostly crippling social anxiety. The lack of social media thing. That and I think all of that nonsense is...well, nonsense.”

“Ignore Grandpa, he hasn’t taken his medicine yet.” Valerie said with a snicker, leaning over the table to plant a quick kiss on Winn.

“No,” Daniel Chae interjected, jabbing his slightly tanned index finger into the air defiantly, “Think about it! How much do you miss out on because of Facebook or whatever? There’s a real world out there, my children. It is to be tasted! Experienced!”

“You’re allowed to have that opinion, you have money.” Valerie grinned.

Daniel frowned, settling into the booth, “My parents have money, there’s a difference.”

The conversation had left Elliot alone to recuperate, for which he was more than grateful. To be fair to himself, he hadn’t expected Daniel Chae to be beautiful. Or, rather, attractive in the slightest. A proper haircut and a trip to anywhere other than baby gap, which is where his current wardrobe suggested he frequented, though….
Daniel Chae was much more attractive than Elliot had been expecting.

Though admittedly, he had set the bar really low.

Still, Elliot thought with a quick glance over to his blind date, taking in the gentle tan of his skin, the warm amber hue to his eyes, the muscle definition that was so beyond unexpected but definitely impressive given that it was still noticeable under a sweater, and the warm smile...He could kill me if he wanted to. I’m no longer opposed.

Valerie rolled her eyes, her obtrusive voice snapping Elliot’s attention back to the fact there were four people at this table,, “Anyways, Danny, Elliot. Elliot, Danny. Shake his hand, nerd.”

Val nudged Danny in the side, Elliot finding an odd rush of amusement as the shorter man obeyed, eyes falling to the braided leather bracelet hanging from his oddly not-thin wrist.

Elliot shook his hand, trying not to be distracted by how nice the soft baby blue of Danny’s sweater complimented the warm tan in his skin.

If Val and Winn were planning something, the honey trap was working.

Danny’s hand darted back to his side of the table, a soft flush creeping across his cheeks, visible beneath his tortoise shell glasses and messy black hair.

Cute, Elliot thought absently to himself.

Elliot mentally cleared his throat, perhaps finally recovered from his falter a moment ago, “So, icebreakers, what do you do for a living?” he asked, taking a sip of his water as he noticed the look Winn shot him.

You’re interested! She seemed to say telepathically.

No, Elliot corrected with narrowed eyes,  Just curious.

Yeah, sure, okay, Winn conveyed with a roll of her eyes, wipe the drool off of your chin and maybe I’ll believe you.

I’m not drooling, Elliot glared, It’s not my fault you had me expecting Steve Buscemi.