[Image Caption: Avery Barron, Cameron Fant, and Rose Li enjoying a burrito dinner together.]

Yeah, whatever. I’m sure Cameron's going to do something ridiculous. He’s always doing stupid shit. He loves the attention. He feeds off of it.  

“Wow, so mysterious,” Rose jokes. “Remember when you did that project your sophomore year of high school when you were still into photography? You cut up that huge photo of your boyfriend sucking on that lollipop and pasted them around the hall so that you could only tell what it was if you stood in the corner of the third-floor stairwell?”

“Oh my god. Of Jackson? That shit was so cliché. I’m embarrassed you even remember.”

“I thought it was cool,” Rose says. “All my friends liked it, too.”

Cameron raises an eyebrow, and it’s obvious he thinks that Rose has no idea what she’s talking about. “Well, thanks,” he says after a moment. “Too bad he turned out to be such a damn psycho.”

“Right,” Rose says with a slow nod. 

“How so?” I ask. “I wanna hear about your high school boyfriend.” 

He never says much about his exes, and now my interest is piqued. Cameron’s a private guy, despite his boisterous personality. He only ever tells me about the dates he goes on. We’ve known one another a long time, but this is still the first I’m hearing about someone named Jackson. 

“Well, yeah, he was just so clingy!” Cameron starts with a laugh. “He got worse and worse and always whined that I never had time for him because I was always working on other shit. I mean, I had a lot going for me. I couldn’t let him dictate my future. So, I dumped him. He made a huge scene. It was stupid.” 

“You guys dated for, like, two years,” Rose points out.

“Too damn long,” Cameron gripes. “What a waste of time.” 

Rose doesn’t say anything. He’s probably being too harsh. I don’t really know. I wasn’t around back then, and I’ve never met this person. 

“Well, that sucks,” I say, not sure what else to respond with. 

“I mean, it’s whatever. I was over it long before it ended. I really don’t care anymore. That’s why I only date casually now. I don’t want to put up with that kind of shit again.”

He’s not kidding when he says he only dates casually. In the years I’ve known Cameron, he hasn’t gone on a date with the same guy twice. He fucks around a lot. People love him. He doesn’t even need dating apps because there’s basically a line of people waiting.

It’s funny, actually. Cameron’s cool, but not that cool. People put him up on a pedestal because he’s outgoing and well-known. He’s fashionable and puts a lot of effort into his appearance. He’s also pretty good-looking and ideal in a lot of ways if you’re into that, I guess. I’m not because I’m a damn lesbian, but that’s probably why we can be friends in the first place.

He’s broken a lot of hearts. I don’t think he cares. He always says he needs to do what’s best for him, and sometimes that means being selfish. I think that can be true, but not all the time. I know having good boundaries is important, but the context of Cameron’s situation makes it feel a little morally fucked. 

“Fair enough,” I say.  “Think you’ll ever settle down? I mean, if you find the right guy?”

“If I meet someone good enough.”

“Oh, don’t be such a narcissist,” Rose sneers, sounding irritated for the first time tonight. “I bet you’ve been out with tons of nice guys. One date doesn’t tell you much about a person, you know.”

Cameron looks bored. “Yeah, sure. I don’t really care about settling down any time soon, so it doesn’t matter.” 

“Well, to each their own,” Rose says, and the conversation halts. 

“Entitled dick,” I decide to add. 

“I’m allowed to be,” Cameron protests. “I want the best for myself. How is that a bad thing?” 

“It is if you’re treating people like shit,” I retort. 

“Stop arguing, you guys. Jesus Christ.” 

In a mutually silent agreement, Cameron and I both drop it. I don’t know why I keep stirring the pot. We finish eating, and I take the trash down to the kitchen. By the time I make it back upstairs, Cameron’s started rifling through my dresser.

“My sweats are dirty,” I mention.

“Ugh, seriously?” he groans, giving me a vexing look. “Don’t you have any extra?”

“Hold on,” I cross the room and yank my bag out from underneath the bed, fishing around in them briefly and pulling out a pair of gym pants. 

“I was going to wear these to my weight class but ended up wearing shorts instead,” I toss them at him. 

“When was the last time you did laundry?” he huffs, shamelessly slipping out of his jeans and changing into the clothing I lent him.

“When I had time to sit at the laundromat for three hours.”

“If I can find time to do it, so can you.”

I squint my eyes at him. “Whatever. Just be happy I have something clean you can wear.” 

He sticks his tongue out at me and leaves the room, calling, “Goodnight!” 

“Goodnight!” Rose calls back. Once he’s gone, she turns back to me. 

Ugh, I know that look all too well. 

“What?” I sigh out the word. 

Rose just keeps staring at me with this soft expression, like she feels bad for me or something. “You seem on edge,” she finally spits out. “You’re picking fights. You were doing that to Cam all night.”

“I’m not,” I grumble. “Just tired.” 

“Well, you seem like you’re in a bad mood. Let’s try to sleep in a bit tomorrow. It’s not like you have classes to wake up for.” 

“Okay, yeah,” I relent. I don’t have it in me to insist otherwise. I probably am in a bad mood. If not, I’m just wiped out. Either way, I don’t want to take it out on her because she doesn’t deserve that.

“Come to bed,” she says, holding out her arms to me and beckoning me over.

“I have to brush my teeth still.” I reach out, taking her hands in mine.

“Well, hurry up!” she teases, shooing me away.

So, I do. I crank the heat in my room and slip on a pair of green boxers scrunched up at the foot of my bed. I toss Rose a flannel and head down the hallway to the bathroom. 

I pin my bangs out of my face and stare in the mirror for a minute, playing with my septum ring and flipping it around inside my nose. Yikes. Can’t believe I was walking around looking like this. I have the darkest circles I swear I’ve ever seen.

I brush my teeth and wash my face before returning to the room, killing the lights, and getting into bed with Rose. 

“Wanna talk?” she pries.

“I thought you wanted to sleep.” 

She lets out a heavy breath. “Avery,” she says sluggishly, sounding like she’s sick of my shit. But what am I doing wrong? 

“What?” 

“You never tell me things. How do you feel?” 

“Tired.”

She makes an exasperated sound, which makes me feel bad, but I don't know what she wants from me. I'm not into all this feeling-sharing shit. I'm more of a get up and get over it kind of person. 

I am tired. Between classes, worrying about what the fuck I'm going to do with my sorry ass after college, and defending myself to Cameron, I don't feel like I even have time to process my emotions, let alone explain them to someone else. 

"I'm all good," I insist again. "Nothing to worry about."

"All right, if you say so.”

I can tell this isn’t the answer she wants from me, but I have nothing else to give her. I just hope she’s not pissed. 

I curl up under the covers, saying, “Goodnight. I love you.” 

“G’night,” she murmurs back groggily. 

I roll around a bit before finally getting comfortable. Rose inches closer, and I can hear her breathing softly. I close my eyes and zone out as her breathing evens. It took me a while to get adjusted to her snoring, but I’m used to it by now. I actually have a harder time sleeping when she’s not snoring in my ear.