No one panic. It’s a real description again. Proceed to the exit in an orderly fashion. Before it’s too late.

How the hell was your guys’ holiday break!? Sorry oh shit I didn’t mean to scare you, it’s not over yet, it’s not over yet, I’m so sorry. Go back into your food coma, you have time yet. Shhh, shhh, it’ll all be alright. What even is college? Jobs? Who needs em. School is overrated —I’m just kidding on that last one. Do your homework, kids.

So anyway. You learn a lot of neat things about the people who you happen to share blood with during the holidays. Maybe somewhere your brother learned how to properly carve a turkey, or maybe your mom has a secret passion for pottery left over from her youth, or maybe you’re related to me and found out that – isn’t is super weird how Red doesn’t seem to like bullets? Like what a universally cool gift to get on Christmas. What is up with that loser?

I had a shockingly redneck kinda Christmas. Still coping.

My dad, and both my brothers unwrapped buckets of ammo. This was especially bizarre to me due to the part where I had no idea any of them had guns. Hi Europeans! I see you there. Please be careful, if you don’t relax that expression of terror you’ve got frozen on your face, it’s going to stick that way. At one point during our quaint Christmas dinner, I looked around the room and realized I could see two .22 rifles and an AR-15. I know I know, you’re thinking to yourself? An AR-15? Isn’t that a little overboard? Who could possibly need a gun like that??

The answer dear reader – is my nineteen year old baby brother.

Y’know. I shouldn’t complain. I know where I’m going in the event of the apocalypse. They’ve got a treehouse and everything. Besides, I can’t even judge too hard. …I got knives. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

What’d you all get? Anything particularly deadly?
- [RED]

PS: Regular page updates start up on Tuesday. Get HYPE.