vul·ner·a·ble

ˈvəln(ə)rəb(ə)l/

adjective

susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

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"How you doing, sweetie?" Rachel asks me while rubbing my back like the good friend she is. Rachel has always been there for me, ever since first grade when Max and I saved her from some dumb bullies. Not gonna lie for a bunch of six year olds they ruthless.

I sigh, thinking about the good old days is really fun, I wish I couod go back I time. Then I come back to reality and answer her question, "I'm doing better than I was during the summer, that is for sure," I say right before a yawn exits my mouth, from very many near sleepless nights.

"Good," She smiles reassuringly. Rachel is so sweet I swear, is it even possible to have such a soft voice? She has such a soft, angelic voice and if I could describe it any better than that, I would, but I just can't. "I wanted to talk to you-you about something."

That alarms me and I instantly assume what it is about, it is all anybody ever wants to talk about. I don't blame them, it is a very important topic, but understand that some people need time to get over it. "If it is about Dean then I'd ra-"

"No, it isn't that..." She mumbles before taking a sip from her juice and I was so curious as to what she was gonna say that I almost slapped it out of her hand...stress is crazy, "I wanted to talk about Troy."

"Oh? What about him?" I almost hiss, expecting her to insult him immensely. That is all Max and Jackson ever do, but who does that? Honestly, who goes out of their way to make fun of a girl's boyfriend like a jerk?

She coughs uncomfortably, before shaking her head and saying "Sorry, forget it." She obviously had something on her mind and I really wanted to know what it was she wanted to talk about was.

"No spit it out." I hiss, I expect this stuff from Max and Jackson, but Rachel too? That is really hurtful, actually. I understand they aren't supportive or whatever, but do they have to be jerks about it?

"Could you not, um, talk about him so much?" She asks while avoiding any eye contact with me. She stares at her tray of food, talking very softly, probably attempting to take back what she had previously said.

That took me by surprise and I am left sort of speechless for a few longer than needed seconds. When I finally regain my sanity In speak again, "What do you mean?"

She looks flustered and I realize that I accidentally spoke in a cold rude manner, but she sort of deserved it for telling me to stop talking about me boyfriend like that. "It's not a problem that you love him, I love him - for making you happy - but...we don't really like hearing about him all the time?"

"Who is 'we'?" I ask while narrowing my eyes, trying to comprehend the fact that more than one person is not OK with me being happy.

"Max, Jackson, and I. You two are the cutest, one day you'll have the cutest babies, but for now, tone it down a bit?"

"I'll try," I say, sort of scoffing, I respect that she asked and actually sort of appreciate it, but how do I not talk about him? He is literally my will to live at the moment.

"Um, anyway! Anything exciting happen yet? Did you witness any fights? Maybe someone already got yelled at by a teacher." She grins, attempting to change the subject. Any other time I probably would have ignored her and complained about how she literally just told me not to talk about my boyfriend, but I wasn't in the mood and went with the change of topic.

I chuckle, surprised that she actually takes an interest in gossip around the school. She isn't exactly the type of person to do that sorta thing. "It's the second day of school, is that even possible?"

"It's happened before, espe-especially with you and Max!" She laughs, but then grows serious, "Um, V, has anything else happened with...Dean?"

My chuckling dies and I am left speechless again, I don't know if there is a proper way to answer that. How do I explain to her that this ghost is then driving force of my insanity? Then when I get an idea of what to say I speak, "He's been silent so far, just silently floats around me. I don't know what it is, but I couldn't sleep last night. He just stood there, watching me. This morning he was sitting in the edge of my bed staring me down."

"V, you need help. Seeing a dead person isn't normal. I love you, but, um, you are my best friend and I care about you, but, uh, you shouldn't be seeing him like this."

"I know and it's terrifying, but I don't wanna just get rid of him! When I was in class with Joy this morning, he looked so sad while standing behind her."

"I get it, you believe, um, in him being the real deal, but he is pro-probably an illusion of your mind."

"I know, I know, I know, but I can't help it! I hate seeing him, but I can't help but feel some happiness. It is horrifying seeing him with blood dripping from his eyes and a giant glass shard going through his chest, but...I miss him. Seeing him moving around even the way he is... is somehow satisfying for me."

She is silent for a few seconds, probably think about what to day next. She knows the topic is like walking on egg shells, or a field with land mines. She makes the wrong move and things could go very, very wrong. "What will you do if you le-learn he is the real deal?" She finally speaks up, gulping down some saliva at the end of it, I can tell she has been thinking about this ever since I told her about the thing. I still can't help but get mad.

"I don't know. Cry?"

"That would be a reasonable response but otherwise? Will you tell him to stop bothering you or-or just live with hi-im for the rest of your life?"

I stay silent for a few seconds, possibly too many seconds. A small almost awkward tension falls onto the two of us before I finally speak again, "Rachel, why does it matter to you so much that I am happy?" I didn't mean that, that isn't what I wanted to say. I love Rachel and I know she does the same. It is like my mouth is moving on it's own and I can't control it. What is happening right now?

"H-huh?" She stutters, "No no no! It isn't a problem that you're happy! I am happy you're happy, but this is a really scary situation!! I know your depression is crazy and hard to deal with, but I don't think seeing ghosts are helping!!" She shouts as she slams her hands onto the table and leans over so she can look at me better.

I shake my head, "I know it's scary, I am scared, but I sometimes I just sorta want your support on things. Why can't you just smile and reassure me everything will be fine? Why do you have to make me even worse?" No, I don't mean that. Rachel, I am sorry, please understand I don't mean this at all.

"I don't mean to be!" She shouts, "Look, Veronica, I am so sorry if I made it seem like I didn't want you to be happy. I am just really worried about you, I know you are trying to hide it, but I know that Dean's death is really getting to you..."

I sigh, "Thanks, Rachel," I grumble while standing and collecting my stuff off the table, "I understand that him dying is impacting everyone differently, but could you maybe be there for me? First you tell me to stop talking about Troy then you quiz me about something that doesn't need to questioned! Just, I'm gonna go."

Veronica, I swear to all that is holy sit the flip back down and tell her you didn't mean any of that. Rachel is a fainthearted girl that can't take any sort of criticism, she'll cry gosh darn it!!

"Veronica, wait-!"

"I'll talk to you when I am ready, just leave me alone until then."

"O-Okay...I'll try..."

Just like that, the school year changed. It may seem like a minor thing, but Rachel and I have never fought. She has always been careful to never be a bother because she always thought she is in my debt because I saved her.

Another thing is that every year, for the past twelve years Rachel, Max, and I have sat with each other at lunch. Every year, everyday. Our lunches always lined up together, it was the best at first. No matter how much we wanted to we always agreed on sticking together at lunch.

If all else in life went wrong at least we had each other. We would occasionally invite other people to sit with us, but no matter how much we wanted to sit with other people at a different table we never did.

We would fight over it some times, but none of us ever skipped a day at the table, because as much as we complained about it, it was reassuring and fun.

Well, the next couple of days I didn't show up, because I was in the library. It was only the start of the break of one of the strongest friendships imaginable.