I know I'm gonna sound like a idiotic teenager bitter about her parents taking away her phone, but I don't care. I'm pissed.

As you can probably guess, I had another fight with my parents. The semester only started a week ago, and they're already trying to dictate when I get my homework done. I have a scholarship competition I'm studying for that's in two weeks, and I have two assignments for Spanish due next Tuesday, along with another on Thursday. We were planning to go to a movie today, and my parents told me to study for the competition for the 30 minutes before we had to leave. At this point I was almost done with one of my Spanish assignments, and I had just told them I planned on studying civics after the movie for a couple of hours. I told them I needed to work on Spanish now because I wouldn't be able to focus as well as I should on past tense verb conjugations after a movie in which English is constantly being blasted at high volume into my brain, and I wanted peace of mind that I finished one thing before watching a movie. But, somehow, my parents decided that they're right, and not being able to fully focus on confusing verb conjugations is fine. I mean, it's only been a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR SINCE MY LAST SPANISH CLASS, WHICH I DIDN'T EVEN FINISH BECAUSE THE TEACHER GOT APPENDICITIS ALMOST A MONTH BEFORE THE END, AND I CAN BARELY REMEMBER HOW TO PROPERLY CONJUGATE VERBS IN PRESENT TENSE- ahem. Anyways. I went back to my room to work on my Spanish until we left, hoping they would realize that just because they are parents doesn't mean they should control every aspect of my life, and they're not always right. My dad came back later to inform me that because I disobeyed them and did Spanish instead of civics we weren't going to a movie today. I mean, I did get homework done. I'd understand if I was just lazing around, but I got shit done. We argued for a while, and I had a breakdown (tears included). He looked like he just wanted me to stop talking because he didn't give a shit and thought they're right and I'm just overemotional. He ended up taking my phone, and left my computer so I could do Spanish homework.

Afterwards I could hear him whispering with my mom about me. They always do that after one of my 'episodes,' and talk about what they're going to do with me. Sometimes they get so sick of me they just say to my face that they want to put me in a half-way home to make me realize how lucky and spoiled I am. Honestly, I hate them and wish they would ignore me. And I know they hate me too, because they have said so, including telling me they wish I was never born. They really shouldn't have had a kid, because they don't have enough patience or love for a child that isn't perfect, and I'm far from it. 

Here's a little history of their helicopter parenting gone wrong. When I first got a phone, they decided to control everything that I texted. Whenever I wrote a text, they would always turn it into something mature, like what a 50-year old would text instead of a eleven-year old. If I did decide to quickly text someone back without telling my parents, they would get so pissed and yell at me and make me feel like I just committed a felony. It wasn't like I was texting anyone close to me and ruining future relationships; I was only texting one person from orchestra that I barely new and just talked with during break. We stopped talking and texting after she realized I was an atheist anyways. After a couple more years of supervised texting and many attempts of me trying to get them to recognize that texting isn't that hard or formal, they backed off.

Then, when I was 16 and formed a group with classmates for a project, my parents started over-controlling again. I would ask them for help when writing an email to my teammates, but my mom would take over and just write the entire thing herself in an extremely formal tone, and only let me change what she approved. She also felt the need to constantly remind me to be grateful that she wrote it for me. Because of this I never learned how to properly write an email by myself. Later, when she was writing an email for me addressing some of the decisions our group made, I thought it had way too demanding of a tone, and told her so. She said my writing was too weak and sloppy, but what she wrote was plain bossy and annoying, and not something you would send to friends. After a heated argument, she sent it without my permission on my official college email account. I was so pissed, but when she apologized later she said, "I'm sorry, but your writing wasn't working." She fucking excused herself for what she did in her pathetic apology, then went on to lecture me about the social dynamics in emails.

It is a very common theme for my parents to say "sorry, but" whenever they apologize for doing something. I have started listening for it and pointing it out to them, but they just say they need to explain their side. WHAT SIDE?!?! They already explained it when they did whatever they're apologizing for! When you do something bad, you don't then give a 15 minute lecture about why you did it and how ultimately it's not your fault. I swear, if they someday end up killing me, their confession is gonna be "sorry, but she didn't clean up the dishes for making the ramen noodles before eating them."

When I met my teammates the next day, one of them said the email pissed her off, and I can understand. It was a pretty inflammatory email. After explaining the situation to them, they were shocked this ever happened. I was still in a state of shock, not believing that my mom had broken my trust, and shed common decency, so easily as an adult. When I got home and told her how my teammate said she got angry at the email, my mom replied by saying that she didn't have the right to get pissed, and almost came to school to have a talk with her. I just barely stopped her from coming.

My parents also say "you don't have the right to feel [insert feeling]" a lot. I'll be mad she forgot to leave on time to pick me up, and she'll say that I don't have the right since she's driving me. But driving your kid around is what parents do, and it comes with basic responsibilities, like not leaving your kid for hours and checking texts. Just because you don't have to do something doesn't mean you should do a shitty job. I'll also get mad if they take away something that directly impacts my homework, and they'll say "you don't have the right to get angry because it was your fault." It's ridiculous.

As I have mentioned before, I suck at conclusions, so I'll say this: to be continued (because this shitstorm doesn't end for another eight months.)