time

tīm

verb

plan, schedule, or arrange when (something) should happen or be done.

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I leave my house and head towards Veronica's house. This past month has been the worst period of my life, being separated from Veronica out of school is the equivalent to the world ending. Her absence in my life is worse than a thousand worlds ending. I am sure many others feel the same towards her.

The thought of that makes me mad. Other people liking Veronica as much as I do? That doesn't sound right. Is that even possible?

I sigh as I clear my mind and try to think about something else. Veronica is already my will to live I can't think about her every second of the day, that's just creepy. If I hadn't become friends with Veronica would I be stalking her or other girls right now? I can't even imagine looking, let alone liking, other girls the way I do Veronica.

Veronica is definitely the prettiest girl in the school, not Jenna like everyone else says. Jenna and Veronica have very different styles. Jenna is a white girl that wears a lot of makeup - though she looks good with it - and and skin tight dresses with high heels that look like they hurt a lot. She has blonde hair that she usually has curled to perfection and if someone touches her they might as well be dead. Her nails are normally super long and colored very brightly, they change every other week because she is a very indecisive person.

Veronica on the other hand is half Asian with straight black hair that goes down to her hid back. Typically she wears oversized dark sweaters, shorts with tights, and regular old sneakers. She only puts a little bit of makeup on, always going for a natural look with no lipstick and close to no eyeshadow.

Jenna has always dressed that way, despite me only knowing her since like freshman year. Veronica on the other hand used to dress in black jackets and jeans, but I guess jeans are pretty uncomfortable. I don't know if that is why she changed her style, but it is just a fact. She is stunning no matter what she wears.

OK, Troy, clear your mind again. Stop thinking about Veronica Waters. Let's think about the investigation. Kurt asked me to ask Veronica if we can get into the security room to watch the security tapes. If I can get us in there without making Veronica suspicious then we can easily find out who stuck that letter into Kurt's locker.

Maybe that will be the end of it, we can be done with this depressing stuff. Kurt is definitely not over Dean's death yet so this note is probably a very bad idea on who ever did it. Me on the other hand could care less about Dean. He was a jerk, no one could see it, but he was. He played girls like toys and everyone thought it was because he was a pushover, but really he just wanted to add girls to his list.

Every stupid guy in the school has a list, Max probably has the longest actually. He's bullied me before for not having a list of my own, but the only person I have ever wanted was Veronica, so a list just sounded disgusting. As a kid I watched shows and thought that if you could be with that many girls you were the coolest.

My younger sister even agreed and I felt that way up until I got into sixth grade when I realized I had Veronica in all my classes since fourth grade. After that I slowly began to realize how disgusting the idea of it was. Why would you want to be with so many girls when you can actually try and find someone you like?

Veronica is special she has changed me from a shy boy that'd never talk to anyone to a "I don't care who you are shut the fuck up." I guess it makes sense, it is Veronica we are talking about after all. She is like the wind on your face when you decide to go on a 2 A.M. walk, she is so flexible. She is rain on a perfectly clean window, as you watch ever last drop slide down the side with amazement at how beautiful of a view it is. She is like the rising sun, bringing light into the darkness and making everyone's life better as you realize the sun is more important than anything else. She is like the fluffy looking clouds high in the sky, giving occasional shade, but also just being there makes everything more entertaining and gorgeous. She is like the sound of children laughing on a playground the first day of summer break when they are finally free from the restraints of school. She is like the feeling of overwhelming joy when you walk to the store to buy a gift for your friends and family. She is so undescribably amazing and there are absolutely not enough words in the English language for me to describe her awesomeness.

Before I can refocus on the investigation I am already at her house. I smile at the thought of the perfect girl breaking the rules just to see me. I can't believe she would even think of doing that for me. I breathe in and out before ringing the doorbell to her huge almost mansion of a house.

It is only her parents, her, and her younger brother living there, does she really need a six bedroom house? Then again her mom does let a lot of people stay over, so I guess it adds up.

The door swings open to reveal my girlfriend dressed in the most beautiful knee high red dress. Her hair was slightly curled and put into a half up-half down style and my God does it fit her. Her feet are clad in a bright red pair of high heels and they look just as great on her as the dress does. At the sight of her I forget how to breath, she is just that perfect.

She chuckles as she shuts the door behind her, "What's wrong? Do I look that bad in this?" She says while looking down at herself, obviously sad and disappointed.

"No way!" I shout as the smile floods onto my face and I am overjoyed at the sight of her. Jesus, she is so gorgeous. What have I done to deserve her? I step forward and grab onto her hands and I can visibly see how much she needed it, "You look great. Beyond great! Nothing you can wear will change that. I love you, sweetie."

She giggles as she kisses me on the cheek, "Thank you, love you too, babe. Anyway, we should get going!" She let's go of one of my hands and tugs at the other one as we walk down the street. "We're gonna watch a movie - like always. It's the new one with the birds, I hear its super cute. Then we are gonna get a quick meal and head to a nearby park, at this time of the year shops usually put up Halloween lights - despite it being September! I hear the shops in that area have competitions so I am excited to see that."

I just silently smile and listen to her every last word. Her voice is so intoxicating I could listen to her for hours and I wouldn't care if I had a chance to talk or not. I am at home when she is around and if the only thing I can offer is an ear then I'd give her both of mine. I love being in love, but only if it is with her. I am the luckiest man alive to be able to have her love, some times it just seems impossible to have it.

Sometimes I doubt if she really loves me, if Jackson suddenly liked her again or if Dean was suddenly alive again would she still be with me? Is she just with me because she pities me? Over the summer I spent days asking these sort of questions, but when I asked what my sister thought she laughed at my face. She told me I am just paranoid and that V actually loves me. That the way Veronica looks at me is way different from how she looks at Jackson or Max.

"Does it sound fun?" Veronica finally finishes off her plans for the night. The look she gives me tells me all I need to know about how she is feeling at the moment. For the first time since Dean died I don't see loneliness, guilt, or even extreme sadness, I see happiness and excitement and I'd rather die than ruin that look.

My smile grows as she looks at me with those eyes that I wish she could have for the rest of her life. My mouth opens to reply, but nothing comes out as the thought of kissing her crosses my mind, I quickly shake that out and continue what I was gonna say. "Just being with you sounds fun."

She giggles for a second while looking forward, "I love you, Troy. You always make me happy, some people don't understand what I see in you, sometimes I don't understand it, but I don't care what others think. Max doesn't approve, but he isn't me, he doesn't know what I feel for you. I feel like my world revolves around you, thats weird, I know. If I could make you happy for even a second that'd be enough for me...I know you don't like me that much. That's what everyone keeps telling me..."

My heart breaks as I hear those words come out her mouth. Who is lying to her like this? For almost ten seconds I don't know what to think, what to say, what to feel. What sort of monster would drag the love of my life down like this? My mind can't stop rushing with thoughts. I can't think straight, if my heart wasn't slowly ripping apart I'd probably be able to point out who was doing this, but I don't know what to feel. My head begins to ache as the thought of breaking up with Veronica crosses my mind. I wouldn't survive a second in this world without her. My knees begin to wobble as they begin to lose balance and support. Everything becomes exceptionally uncomfortable as I imagine going on with my day to day life without her. My arms become stiff and the only thing that I can rationalize to make them feel better are to break them. My stomach tightens and vomiting almost occurs. My heart throbs and if I didn't know better I'd think it was about to explode right out of my chest. The thought of losing Veronica is just that bad.

"No," I finally say. I am almost emotionless as I say it, this whole things seems so foreign. Why would someone say something like that? Then all at once emotions begins flooding me - rage, sadness, guilt - and I being crying, "No, no, no! I love you, Veronica. Who ever is telling you that is a filthy liar! I love you, you were my first friend, my only friend really. You're the love of my life, my will to live! You make me happy just by smiling at me, you make me happy just by existing! Being away from you for even a second feels like absolute Hell!"

A soft smile appears on her lips. My heart shatters as the happy look on her face just a few minutes ago is replaced with a sad, solemn look. Her smile was very forced, but she tried to make it as genuine looking as possible. I don't know how many people she is fooling with that look, but she isn't getting me. I've always been able to tell when people are fake, I guess it's like a gift of mine. That's why I always stayed by myself, everyone that approached me as a kid always had the same forced smiles and I could tell they were only talking to me because they were obligated somehow.

Reading people's expressions, eyes, and hand gestures has always been a thing my parents found fascinating. My mom used to take me in with her while talking to her patients to see if they were being genuine or not, it worked out. She got a raise for being a great therapist and I got to interact with people that weren't always obnoxious.

"What's wrong, Troy?" She asks after awhile, clearly concerned. "Did what I say bother you?"

I want to reply with a big fat yes, but I can't. I want to tell her she should never feel unloved, by me, by anyone. People adore her, she is the student body president after all. I want to tell her, but the words don't form properly and I just shake my head. The rest of the walk to the movie theater was silent, but it wasn't a bad silence. It was calming, we were calming down after our small fit.

Calming down may be the best solution after all. I am already head deep in a potential suicide, I don't think I have enough time to worry about her as well. I wish I had the power to clear my schedule and make it about her every second of the day, but I just can't do that. With a potential life or death situation I can't have all my attention on Veronica right now.