Hallo everyone!

My second to last semester started this week. It feels weird to be almost done with school, but I'm excited to start life. I just wanted to say that I am not finishing all my courses in May, but in late June and I'm okay with that. I didn't know what I wanted to do and part of me still doesn't know what I want to do, but I think, people put it in their heads that they have to graduate on time or there is something wrong with them and that's just not true. 

I think this belief started for me in high school because everything is so organized for you and you literally have to do nothing, but show up. In college, it's a little different. Sure, you are given more freedom, which is great, but you also have a lot more responsibility and I think that freaks a lot of people out and some don't even know it yet. 

When I got to college, I was a "good" student. I went to a branch part of my school and the courses were easy and my grades showed it. Then, my Junior year I decided to change my major and try my hand at a pre-med track. I was also transferring up to the main campus. I didn't know the work would be ten times harder and my half-effort wasn't cutting it anymore. I was also in a really bad relationship at the time and I got swept up in all the excitement that I didn't realize that I was cracking on the inside. 

It wasn't all bad though. I had good friends and I discovered my love for ice skating. There were fun activities to do and I was part of a couple clubs. I branched out and while I learned who I was, I tried to ignore all the things that were tearing me down. I knew I was stronger than that, but I would have sudden break downs and I didn't know why.

But then it was over. I had made it two semesters in the main branch and I was still hole. I thought I came out stronger, but my grades really plummeted. I had to take a summer course just to get out of academic probation. Summer really healed me too. I spent a lot of time on the beach and just took time stitch up who I was and who I am now.

I thought all the things that were screwing my life up had gone when I went back up to school that August, little did I know, I was going to stress my body out so much I'd get sick during finals week. 

Lot's of things happened last semester. I was supposed to go abroad to England, my grades were mediocre at best, and I knew I had to go back home. I didn't want to because I had created a life up at the main campus and going back to the small branch means having to start from scratch again and living at home again. 

I didn't want to be here, but I had already made a decision and I couldn't change it. Then I took this winter course on poetry and it really inspired me. The teacher was amazing and I felt like I could do this. I just had to get over my wants and do what's best for me. I had changed my major three times and I finally felt comfortable in what I wanted to do. My view on college had changed drastically, but that is because I didn't know what to expect. 

Everyone, whether they choose to go to college or not, is going to have to make really big choices in their lives. And these choices may seem insignificant to others, but all that matters is that you know they are important to you. I know it sounds cliche and dumb, but I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't think it was true. The choices you make are what define you. 

Sometimes, doing nothing is a choice and that's okay because the opportunities in front of us aren't right for us, or maybe it's as simple as, just being afraid to take action.

We are taught in school that our natural instinct is to fight or flight. But nobody really ever talks about the brain freeze. This is when you do nothing because you can't make a decision. It really shakes up your core and forces you to reevaluate your life and who you are. That's what is important about doing nothing. You not only learn new things about yourself, but it forces you to grow as well.

I did nothing to stop my grades from slipping, I didn't know how to stop the spiral and scaring the crap out of me. So, yes I did that big girl thing and really thought hard about what I wanted. I asked for help and heard things I didn't want to hear, but had to listen. So I came home. 

I don't know what life has in store for me. I am still young and unsure of lots of things. I know I will make bad choices, but I also know I will make some really good ones. Sometimes, I won't make any choices. And if we are getting really meta here, that in itself is a choice.

*~*~

Next time I think I want to talk about being okay with yourself and what you have because that can be tough to come to terms with. Fun Fact: Giraffes can go without water longer than camels and can drink up to 12 gallons of water at one time.

(FF Source: Facts app)