…
I hear a faint cry. It sounds familiar, like i’ve been here before. I walk towards the sound, and the cry becomes a wail. Deep fat bellows of sound that are reminiscent to raging waves in the ocean. It’s my mother. She’s crying. I wonder if I did something wrong again. I stand by the edge of the doorway to my mother’s bedroom. She pauses for a moment to look up, she meets my eyes and her sadness turns to rage.
“I hate you! I hate you so much! You caused MY life to fall apart!” She screams.
“B-but I didn’t do anything. How is this my fault?” I respond.
My mother gets up and looms over me. It’s clear by the height difference, this must be after mother’s divorce. Her face contorts with disgust when looking at me.
“Because you were born. Just that alone is the issue. Your entire existence has caused me pain. The love of my life left me because of you.”
“I made dad leave? What are you talking about? He told me it wasn’t my fault.”I question.
“Ha. You thought my love, Ronald. The father to your siblings. You thought he was your father as well. Oh boy you are sadly mistaken. Your dad is a piece of shit. He knocked me up and ran away. How else would you explain your dark brown hair and obscure purple eyes. Nobody else in this family looks like you. Fuckin’ misfit.”
“That can’t be true right? Please mom, it can’t be true!” tears began to well up in my eyes.
“It is true. And it gives your name a meaning. It’s a constant reminder of what you are. When you were conceived Ronald was so excited to finally have a baby boy. But that’s not the case now is it? You made life a living hell for those nine months. Guilt, pain, sickness, exhaustion. You gave all of that to me. Then when you were born… you looked like the devil himself. Such an ugly, evil looking child. Roland knew from first glance that you were not his. That’s why he never questioned my choice of name for you.” mother began to pace the room as her story evolved. “It took a lot of explaining and many fights over trust issues, but I got Roland to forgive me. And then your brothers were born. My two perfect little angels.” Mother glanced back eyes sharp as daggers, “And if you were to ever think of corrupting them I will kill you. You are a useless, good for nothing child. That doesn’t deserve the time of day. You are a failure and are forever cursed to a life that of scum.”
I’m curled up and sobbing too scared to look up. I remember hearing all the fights. Ones where dad yelled at mom. Most times it was because of me. Dad would say “You are so mean to that boy, you are going to scar him” and then mom replying “That kid is satan! Why are you taking his side?”. I wish dad was still here because mom wouldn’t be as cruel. But what mom says does make some sense, I may very well be a leech in this family.
“Crying already? You know Malice, it doesn’t end there. From the time you were old enough to walk you would destroy everything in sight. You tormented your older sister Kaylee. You drove all her friends away. At school even the teachers can’t handle you. Disappear! Please just leave.”
I don’t move, still crying. I start to mumble, barely audible. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I promise.” Mother listens to my pleads and clicks her tongue and walks away. All I can do is continue mumbling softly to myself.
…
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Mal, I know you are in there! Open Up!”
The banging jolts me awake. Someone’s at the door? I go to rub the sleep from my eyes. Wet. Shit, I must have been crying. Remembering my past always gets me fuckin’ emotional.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
“Are you even listening. MALICE GET THE FUCK UP!!”
It’s Kaylee. I’d know that strill squawk of a scream anywhere.
“Shut up, Kaylee. The whole goddamn block can hear you. Give me a second.” I reply.
I open the door and Kaylee walks in right past me to sit on the couch and light a cigarette. I close the door and turn to her.She takes a deep drag of her cigarette and lets out a long steady blow of smoke escape her lungs.
“You know why I’m here, right? Where is it?” She flicks her free hand towards me.
“Give me a minute, you woke me up.” I head over to the cabinet in the kitchen and pull out a lockbox, “What are you getting this time?”
“Ah, give me the strong stuff. I don’t want no weed this week.” she replies
“And you got the money for me right, Kaylee? Cause I ain’t playing games today.”
“Hells yeah I do. My sugar daddy just hit me up earlier.”
Kaylee gets up and pulls an envelope out of her purse. She counts out the money and exchanges it for the bag of white powder. After the divorce both mother and Kaylee resulted to prostitution. And with that came drug addiction. Me personally, I think this shit is worse than death. I never touch it for that reason. But, selling it is another story. It pays the bills and is just as necessary as stocking shelves.
“You know, if you ever feel lonely I know some girls at the shop that might like to get to know ya.” Kaylee says as she sets up a line of powder on the kitchen counter.
“Kaylee, you know I don’t have money for that. Also, I’m not interested in any of them.” I reply
Kaylee waves one finger at me and rolls up a fresh twenty. She shorts up the line leaning her head back so far it looks like her head will fall off. Her eyes roll back into her skull as she lets out an excited sigh. After about a minute her trance wears down, she’s in ecstasy. Kaylee turns her attention towards my previous comment.
“Hahaha. Oh yeah, I forgot you are broke as shit. Haha.” Kaylee reaches back into her purse and flings a card at me, “Here, take this. If you are ever interested, this guy knows of plenty of sugar daddies that would love to get a piece of you.”She then walks out of my apartment a bit happier than when she arrived, only cooing a quick, “Thanks Mal” as she disappears down the hall.
TBC
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