I knocked on the door, tossing on my best smile and pushing my shoulders back in mock confidence. As if on instinct, I nudged Annabelle behind me.
“Toka,” I called when the door finally rolled up enough for me to duck beneath it. “Took you long enough.”
He lumbered over towards us, checking that no one had followed us before slamming the door back down. With hardly a glance at Annabelle, he pulled me into a hug, laughing at my stiffness.
“Mirror,” he said excitedly. He was like a puppy. My giant engineer puppy. “What brings you here? In trouble with the law again?” Blonde locks fell into his eyes, and he brushed them aside with an oil-coated hand. My inner germaphobe cringed, but then I remembered I was homeless. Best not to comment.
I shrugged, motioning for Anna to take a seat on the shabby couch in the corner. “Something like that.”
“Cool.” He nodded. Repeatedly. And fell back onto his workbench. I rolled my eyes and shoved my hands in my jacket pockets, not daring enough to touch anything in the room for fear of damaging one of his creations. He was pretty carefree until you hurt one of his babies.
One time, I was dinking around with a new design idea I had for a retractable knife, and I pulled apart some scrap for the pieces.
He cried. And the only reason he stopped crying is because he needed enough breath to tell me I should paint a tree on the handle.
I had scoffed at his idea; I was not leading a group of rebels who thought a tree made a good symbol. Maybe a wave, or a arrow, or--
My mind drifted to the girl I had met the other day. Or a white raven, I thought. My fingers itched at the idea. I needed a pencil. And some paper. A lot of paper. This is gonna be great.
“So, uh,” he stuttered, pulling me back to reality. “You need someplace to crash tonight?” His eyes scanned the little garage, very obviously trying not to look at Anna. “I mean, there’s just the couch here. I don’t know if two--”
“That’s fine,” I cut him off. “I won’t be sleeping.” He gave me a warning look, and I shrugged. “Purple fire,” I said by way of explanation. His gaze darkened. Sometimes I really hated that he knew me so well, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. He’d been there since I was ten, grown up with me, joined rebel factions with me, spent long nights trying not to die with me. He was my brother. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Though I do have some ideas I’d like to sketch out.”
He stared at me a moment, his eyes narrowed, before he finally agreed. “I’ll get you some paper.”
I nodded my thanks, setting myself down on the floor by Anna’s feet.
“Get some sleep hun,” I told her as soon as Toka had left. “We’re safe here.” I hope.
“Mirror,” she whimpered. “I’m scared.”
Me too, I realized, though I didn't have much to be afraid of. Nothing could kill me; I was practically invincible.
Remembering that physical contact is often seen as comforting, I leaned my head against her thigh. “I won’t let anything hurt you. I promise.”
It felt weird to look after someone again, but I was doing alright. I think. Everything was easier when I just had myself to care for.
I sat back up all stoic-like when Toka came barreling through the door. He handed a blanket to Anna and smiled. She giggled at the slight blush tinting his cheeks.
I stared at Annabelle, slightly put off by her laughter. I didn’t even know she could smile.
I remembered the years he had spent trying to protect me. The same years I had spent resenting him for following me around. He was a little shy, and a little awkward, but he was always there when you needed him, and especially when you didn’t.
In a perfect world, he would have made a great father. I hated that he was born into such a shitty one.
Maybe I’ll just leave her with him, I thought.
I snatched the sketch pad from him, barely registering the frown on his face at my abruptness.
It would be the best of both worlds. Toka gets to take care of someone, and Anna gets a home.
My pencil flew across the page, leaving much darker lines than I had intended.
And I don’t have to care about anyone.
For, I corrected, for anyone.
I’m not sure who I was trying to convince, but whoever it was, it didn’t work. The phrase “don’t care about anyone” had been stuck in my head ever since the fire. I knew better than to care. Caring got people killed.
Fuck--my pencil pressed into the page hard enough to tear it, but I didn’t pull back--purple.
The first raven I drew was black, and it had a long tear through one of its wings. I hadn’t noticed that I had shaded it in until I had finished. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised; they do say art is all about emotions.
I ripped the page out and threw it in the general direction of the trash can. White, I reminded myself. Like innocence and purity and... my mind drifted back to that ivory-skinned girl in the convenience store. Before I knew it, I had sketched a picture of her. I sighed. At least it wasn’t shaded in this time.
I tossed that one to the side as well.
Evidently, it wasn’t going to be as easy as I had hoped.
It took an hour. Maybe two. I’m not really sure. But I finished it. The hardest part was simplifying my sketches enough so that Toka could make stencils out of them. It wouldn’t be easy to spray paint a complicated symbol on buildings and such, but it hurt me a little to let my artwork go to waste, so I left specific instructions for Toka to make the fancy sketch our real symbol and the simple one our tag. I knew no one would care either way, but it mattered to me.
I turned to look at Annabelle, guilt tugging at my stomach. She looked so peaceful sleeping there on the couch, sure that nothing would come and try to kill her in the night. Her little blonde curls fell into her face, and I resisted the urge to brush them behind her ears. It felt so motherly and affectionate, and that’s the last thing I wanted.
I almost cursed at my demon for letting me be emotional; it liked dealing with feelings about as much as I did. It was so… human. And that’s another thing that I just wasn’t.
Quietly, so as not to wake her, I rolled up the door and slipped out. The cool night breeze blew through my thin jacket, and I almost sighed at the calm it brought me, but the relief didn’t last long. It was cold, and I was barely a step from the garage when I began to regret leaving its warmth.
At least the cold took my mind off abandoning Anna.
I shivered, tucking my arms around me tightly. “Where the hell am I supposed to go now.”
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