A nightmare woke me up. I dreamed of my mom pointing a gun at my father. She pulled the trigger, and my dad died. I woke up screaming again; it was not the first time that happened. I couldn’t help but feel a little empty when I realized Ivo wasn’t by my side. The clock on his nightstand told me it was 6:00 A.M.

I got out of bed, sauntered over to the bathroom, and locked the door behind me.

I let all the tears fall from my face as I thought of every happy memory with my parents. Now, Carl will form a family of his own. Soon, Gin and of course, Ken, it’s not impossible for him to find another.

And me? I’ll spend my entire life alone or in oblivion.

It’s gonna be okay Brandy. You’re gonna be fine. You’re stronger than this. Just take it one day at a time, the little voice at the back of my head said.

I walked back into the bedroom, grabbed Ivo’s long sleeve polo shirt from the floor and put it on. When I stepped out of his room, I saw him sitting on the stairs.

“Hey, what are you doing there?”

He had a shocked expression on his face. “Nothing. I… I just thought of getting some coffee and saw your bag on the floor. I picked up some of your stuff, here.” Ivo smiled. The shocked look was gone as soon as he handed me back my bag.

“Thank you. Are you going to the university today?”

“Yeah, wanna come with me?”

“May I? I’ve got nothing left to do.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll give you a tour of the campus.”

After I went back to the hotel and changed clothes, I accompanied Ivo to the university where he was teaching.

He introduced me to his colleagues, prompting cheers and catcalls from the faculty.

“You’re the first girl he introduced to us,” teased one of them.

I blushed, and my hands sought his arm, letting him lead me to the door and out the room.

“I’m sorry about that. I should have warned you that psychology professors tend to be a little…blunt,” Ivo said sheepishly.

“I think I handled that one perfectly,” I smiled in encouragement, wanting him to feel comfortable around me. “The first one, huh?”

I blushed when I said that, but that didn’t stop the grin that formed on Ivo’s face as he smirked at my silly question, and wiggled his brows at me.

“I better go. I don’t want to disturb you anymore.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll give my class some activity, and I’ll tour you around.”

“No, I got it, Ivo. Thank you.”

“You sure?” He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close to him.

I blushed and bit my lip. I just nodded in response.

“I’ll see you later at lunch?”

“Yeah, la—”

Before I could answer, he kissed me deeply then headed back inside. I just shook my head at his playfulness.

I gave myself a tour of the university. It was huge, old, and a bit creepy.

We agreed to meet at a small restaurant nearby for lunch.

I took a seat and decided to write in my journal. I’ve been having a magical time lately — yesterday, attending Carl’s wedding and spending most of my time with Ivo and today, touring the university. I wanted to note down everything.

I pulled out a pen and checked through my bag, but my journal was nowhere to be found.

“Hey, Brandy!” I heard Ivo call out, but I didn’t pay attention to him. Where was my freakin’ journal?

“What are you looking for?” he asked as he pulled a chair across me.

“I’m looking for my journal. I know it’s in my bag. I always carry it with me. Have you seen it?” I asked, exasperation in my voice.

“Sorry, what?”

“My journal.” I was really getting impatient now.

“Uh, I see, you sure it’s there? Maybe you left it at the hotel.”

“No. I’m sure it’s here!” My voice rose. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you,” I sighed. “I’ll just have to write somewhere and transfer it as soon as I find that journal.”

Ivo gave me a weak smile and called the waiter so we could order.

“Can I borrow your pen?” I asked Ivo.

“Oh, I left it at my desk back at the university.”

“Where is the freaking book?” I held up my hand in exasperation, causing me to prick my forehead with the ball pen I forgot I was already holding. “Ouch!”

“Brandy, are you okay?”

I stared at my hand and didn’t respond. After a moment, I got up and ran away.

I looked back and saw Ivo following me so I ran to the other direction. I turned corners, almost tripping over my own feet. I finally got to the point when I was running out of breath. I stopped running and looked around, trying to catch my breath. I sighed in relief and started walking down the sidewalk, thinking I had lost Ivo when suddenly he was in front of me.

He backed me against a wall.

“Why are you running away from me?”

“I have to go, Ivo. I still have a lot of things to do. Thanks for the tour.”

He shook his head. “You’re lying.”

“Let me go!” I shoved him away. Ivo grabbed a hold of my wrist so I couldn’t escape and pinned me to the wall.

He was looking at me intensely with his brown eyes. It was like he was studying every part of my face. “I want you to tell me what happened to you back there.”

“Nothing happened to me back there, Ivo! That’s something every person goes through! Can you just get over it?”

He sighed and loosened his grip. I took the opportunity to push him off and run. I kept running until I saw a cab, getting in it to completely get away from him.

I didn’t know why I ran away from Ivo. What actually happened to me back there at the restaurant?

I was hungry, tired, and utterly lost.

I slammed the door of the hotel room behind me, falling back against it when it closed. I shut my eyes tightly, leaning my head against the door. I took in deep breaths, the anxiety in my body growing with each passing second. I tried to clear my thoughts, trying to understand what happened but the more I thought about it, the more I panicked.

I took a long, ragged breath and shook my head. Bringing my hand up to my face, I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. My heart was racing. When I brought my hand down, I finally opened my eyes and stared across the big, empty, and dark hotel room.

Ken and the rest hadn’t come back yet from Valpolicella. I was alone.

I forced myself to stand up, and I walked slowly through to my room, flipping on several of the light switches in the process. When I was at the foot of the bed, I stopped and stared blankly at the perfectly folded covers.

I felt numb. I must look like I was a walking corpse.

I felt hollow as I stared at the bed for a few more minutes, my mind running off in all directions. The small pain radiating behind my forehead soon turned into a complete headache, worsening with each sour thought I had.

What happened to me?

The thought pelted every inch of my brain. I wish I knew the answer because it hurts, everything hurts right then.

“What the hell.” I held my forehead and felt where I pricked myself with the ball pen earlier. I covered my face with my hands and tears fell from my eyes into my palms, and I felt pain in every inch of my body. Every muscle was tensed up. I held my breath to stop myself from crying. I tried to hold it together, but I was falling apart.

Every thought, every emotion, and every piece of me left my body in the form of the stinging tears that I struggled to keep back.

“No, this can’t be,” I swallowed as I felt every part of me give up. My shoulders slumped, and I let my hands fall from my face. I sat down, leaning my head back on the side of the bed. I kept my eyes closed, not even bothering to hold the tears back anymore. I shook my head repeatedly; my face and mouth were wrinkled in pain.

I don’t know how long I sat there and I really didn’t care. I just wanted to disappear completely from the world and maybe it would make things better. I was still here and I’d have to constantly fight against this curse for the rest of my life.

I heard a soft knock on the door. I urged myself forward after a while, wiping my face with my trembling hands. I contemplated for a few minutes, unsure of what I was going to do. When I felt I could manage to pull myself together, I decided to open the door.

“Hey,” Ivo’s gentle voice greeted me. I opened my mouth to speak, hesitating before closing it again. There were several seconds of silence before I did speak, my voice still a little raspy.

“What are you doing here?” I managed to say, my shoulders slouching.

“I came to bring you this.” He handed me my journal.

I let out a sigh. “Where did you find it?”

“I kept it.”

“What?” I watched him for a moment, my eyes becoming bleary. “What do you mean you kept it?” I softened my gaze, seeing him avoid eye contact.

“I saw it on the floor when I was gathering some of your things.”

“Did you read it?”

He nodded. He seemed calm, and there was no other noise than the sound of his deep breathing.

Neither of us spoke for a minute then I asked, “All of it?”

“Almost.”

Great! He read my journal. Should I yell at him and slap his face? I bit my lip as I breathed and tried to control myself.

“Cool, you read my diary. Now, I want it back.” I was honestly nervous that he read it, but oh well, nothing I can do about it now. He handed it over it to me. “You may go now.” I sighed, rolling my eyes with a shrug.

Ivo didn’t move.

“What are you still doing here?”

“I didn’t come here just to bring back your journal. I came here because I very much want to fuck you right now.”