Chapter 3
Feb 15, 2018
Here’s chapter 3! Hope this one was as enjoyable as the other 2. Feedback appreciated ^_^
Robin
Top comment
Hello! Just read your comic and I'd thought i'd give you some feedback.
I think this comic really needs a lot of setup. Characters, settings, motivations, everything.
Your comic seems to be suffering from alot of tell don’t show. The character is telling us everything instead of showing us everything. You start the comic by stating “ One normal day.” as the readers we don’t know what a normal day is. Show us what Logan has to go through everyday show us how hard his life is. This give you the opportunity to setup characters and plot points. We need to know why he feels this way and what drives him. He states he works hard and this is essentially doing slave labor but from what we see he’s just sitting around and nobody seems to be bothering him.
Getting back to setup in chapter 3 Logan’s actual goal is finally revealed. He’s trying to find a cure for this sickness plaguing his district. Again establishing this in chapter one would have given the reader Logan’s horrible living conditions and would have made his motives clear.
Though to be honest it doesn’t really make sense for the top district to be hoarding this cure. If their economy basically depends on this slave labour why wouldn’t they want them to be healthy? Drawing on some parallels to history *as bad as this might sound* Slave owners in america would often try to cure any sickness their slaves had or would call a doctor to bring them back to health because losing a slave and having to buy a new one would hurt them financially. Having a majority of their work force be bedridden or dead isn’t a smart economical move.
What you have now kinda works (Ideally redoing chapter one and setting up everything would be my advice) Though it’s probably best you keep continuing with what you have. Get the experience on making a comic and improving your art so that when you move onto your next comic you’ll have a better idea on what and what not to do.
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