Joined Feb 2019
SupportFred T. Kerns is a sci-fi writer and author of five (and counting) novels. and an assortment of fanfiction and other works. Links to most of his projects can be found on his blog. He's also a casual gamer (meaning: semi-competent on a good day, complete and utter load on bad days) usually going by the gamer tag "Feel Boss." His current gaming addiction is Star Trek Online.
- 11
Finally got the carpal tunnel surgery done on my other hand. It seems to be healing faster than the other one did, so hooray for that. My depression issues took a turn for the worse over the past few months and it's often all I can do to get anything done at all. To that end, though, I'm going to go through the sequel to "Fifteen Minutes" and do some very light editing. Correcting typos and whatnot. I'm planning for the first bit to post tomorrow morning and will be scheduling each following one to go live every morning, same as the previous books.
My average shift where I work being nine or ten hours long without any breaks isn't exactly conducive to getting any new writing done, but I guess it beats being homeless. Though sometimes the stress of it all makes me wonder if I wasn't better off when I wasn't working myself to exhaustion just to pay the rent. But I keep telling myself that it's better to have a roof over my head.
Anyway. The first scene of "Project Revenant" will be available tomorrow morning. And here's a look at the cover image ...
My average shift where I work being nine or ten hours long without any breaks isn't exactly conducive to getting any new writing done, but I guess it beats being homeless. Though sometimes the stress of it all makes me wonder if I wasn't better off when I wasn't working myself to exhaustion just to pay the rent. But I keep telling myself that it's better to have a roof over my head.
Anyway. The first scene of "Project Revenant" will be available tomorrow morning. And here's a look at the cover image ...
Still pretty thoroughly derailed thanks to the depression and anxiety issues I've been dealing with, plus the carpal tunnel getting worse, all while working forty or more hours per week leaving me exhausted after every ten-to-twelve hour shift and very little time to keep writing. It's taken almost six months to get a series of tests done to confirm it's carpal tunnel and not something else, and the process is finally getting into the home stretch … I think. The next step is an "evaluation" on June 28. I'm hoping I can get the first surgery done on one hand soon after that, then wait for it to heal, then get the other hand done. I'm hoping I'll be able to get back to writing at least in small chunks once both hands recover.
In the meantime, since copying and pasting text is more doable than fumbling with the keyboard and ending up with repeated typos in every word due to hitting the wrong keys over and over, I'll be uploading the sequel to "Load," titled "Fifteen Minutes," followed by the third entry in the series, "Project Revenant." I've gone too long without updating anything here, so this will at least get some of my old, already-completed work up here.
Fifteen Minutes will go live once the book is fully uploaded. I'm aiming for the first of next month, but that'll depend on whether anything else goes spectacularly wrong. If things go better than I expect, it may even start a little early. I'll just have to see how things play out. Either way, be on the lookout for this cover image …
In the meantime, since copying and pasting text is more doable than fumbling with the keyboard and ending up with repeated typos in every word due to hitting the wrong keys over and over, I'll be uploading the sequel to "Load," titled "Fifteen Minutes," followed by the third entry in the series, "Project Revenant." I've gone too long without updating anything here, so this will at least get some of my old, already-completed work up here.
Fifteen Minutes will go live once the book is fully uploaded. I'm aiming for the first of next month, but that'll depend on whether anything else goes spectacularly wrong. If things go better than I expect, it may even start a little early. I'll just have to see how things play out. Either way, be on the lookout for this cover image …
Don't have enough room to post it all at once, so there'll be a few paragraphs here and the rest will be in replies under it. Anyway ...
I should've posted this update a long time ago, but the usual stuff that keeps derailing me got even worse over the past few months. I'm talking orders of magnitude _of_ orders of magnitude.
I've got carpal-tunnel that's been getting steadily worse and can't type more than a few paragraphs without needing a long break. It won't be noticeable when you read this, but it'll probably take a long time to type this out …
I think I've had it for a long time and never realized it because the onset was so gradual, but it abruptly got worse a few months ago, to the point where I have almost no sensation at all in my fingers aside from occasional cramps and sharp stabbing pains that seem to happen at random. And, sometimes, if I move my hand the wrong way while lifting something, something inside one of my wrists snaps. I have a hell of a time trying to pick things up, I fumble and drop stuff constantly, I can barely open a plastic bag or separate sheets of paper, and after typing for a few minutes I start hitting the wrong keys or multiple keys at once and have to correct typos in every single word multiple times. It's been driving me insane.
The testing took several months because the appointments were spread so far apart. A referral was finally sent to a hand surgeon, but I've been waiting for a couple of weeks to be contacted to set up an appointment, but haven't heard anything yet...
I should've posted this update a long time ago, but the usual stuff that keeps derailing me got even worse over the past few months. I'm talking orders of magnitude _of_ orders of magnitude.
I've got carpal-tunnel that's been getting steadily worse and can't type more than a few paragraphs without needing a long break. It won't be noticeable when you read this, but it'll probably take a long time to type this out …
I think I've had it for a long time and never realized it because the onset was so gradual, but it abruptly got worse a few months ago, to the point where I have almost no sensation at all in my fingers aside from occasional cramps and sharp stabbing pains that seem to happen at random. And, sometimes, if I move my hand the wrong way while lifting something, something inside one of my wrists snaps. I have a hell of a time trying to pick things up, I fumble and drop stuff constantly, I can barely open a plastic bag or separate sheets of paper, and after typing for a few minutes I start hitting the wrong keys or multiple keys at once and have to correct typos in every single word multiple times. It's been driving me insane.
The testing took several months because the appointments were spread so far apart. A referral was finally sent to a hand surgeon, but I've been waiting for a couple of weeks to be contacted to set up an appointment, but haven't heard anything yet...
An MRI was done last month to be sure it actually was carpal-tunnel and not something else causing the numbness and trouble picking up and holding objects. Further testing indicated it's definitely carpal-tunnel … but the MRI also found thyroid nodules (and bone spurs in my spine and two vertebrae that were fused when I was born and I never knew about it until the MRI). They did an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and one nodule seems to be benign, another they want to do a follow-up on a year from now, and two others they want to biopsy. The way my luck has always worked, Knowing how my luck has always worked, I'm not exactly looking forward to the results.
In the midst of all this, my depression issues cranked up to eleven. I feel like I shouldn't be down all the time, but I guess being homeless for ten and a half months really screwed me up. Even after I finally got back on my feet and was able to rent an apartment, now I'm under the constant stress of keeping it and worrying all the time about paying the rent for one more month. I'm always catching myself looking around for places to park the car and sleep in it overnight in case I end up on the streets again, and other spots where I could hide my bike and sleeping bag in case I lose the car, too.
I did keep trying to get stuff published during the first few months of last year, but after getting nothing but rejections I finally realized it's never going to happen. Which is probably the main reason I haven't written anything since around September. I've just been working and then coming home and sitting on my ass.
In the midst of all this, my depression issues cranked up to eleven. I feel like I shouldn't be down all the time, but I guess being homeless for ten and a half months really screwed me up. Even after I finally got back on my feet and was able to rent an apartment, now I'm under the constant stress of keeping it and worrying all the time about paying the rent for one more month. I'm always catching myself looking around for places to park the car and sleep in it overnight in case I end up on the streets again, and other spots where I could hide my bike and sleeping bag in case I lose the car, too.
I did keep trying to get stuff published during the first few months of last year, but after getting nothing but rejections I finally realized it's never going to happen. Which is probably the main reason I haven't written anything since around September. I've just been working and then coming home and sitting on my ass.
I _want_ this to be just a phase … I keep hoping I'm just burned out and need more time to get my head screwed on straight. But it just keeps … not happening. I have stories that I want to finish, I know what needs to happen next in them … but when I try to start writing, I just fizzle out as soon as I open the file. I've had writer's block before, but this has been much worse.
I hope I just need a little more time to get through all this crap. But I don't know how long it'll take. I want to get back to writing as soon as I have the surgery and my hands heal. Maybe once my hands can function normally, I'll be able to just start writing and power through the depression like I used to.
As much as I've enjoyed working on Somewhere Out There, I probably should put it on the back burner for a while and focus my efforts on the ones that have definite endings -- Uncharted Territory and a couple of just-for-fun things I've been posting on Fanfiction.net ... then, after those are done, get back to work on SoT when I'm able to devote more attention to it.
I hope I just need a little more time to get through all this crap. But I don't know how long it'll take. I want to get back to writing as soon as I have the surgery and my hands heal. Maybe once my hands can function normally, I'll be able to just start writing and power through the depression like I used to.
As much as I've enjoyed working on Somewhere Out There, I probably should put it on the back burner for a while and focus my efforts on the ones that have definite endings -- Uncharted Territory and a couple of just-for-fun things I've been posting on Fanfiction.net ... then, after those are done, get back to work on SoT when I'm able to devote more attention to it.
About all I've been able to do recently is post Load and its two sequels on my Patreon page. Those books were finished many years ago. Just some minor editing and copy-pasting is doable right now. I'm also going to post them here on Tapas soon just to get more of my work up here while I'm dealing with the carpal-tunnel and other stuff. The first sequel to Load is titled Fifteen Minutes, and the third book in the series is Project Revenant. These will be followed up with a couple of short stories that kinda-sorta set up the fourth book, "One in a Million" and "Off the Clock."
Anyway. This went on way longer than I planned. Just … I've been wanting to say this for _months_ but wasn't able to get off my ass and just do it. Maybe finally getting it done is a sign that I'm starting to pull myself together … but I don't want to assume it is only to fall apart again. So I'll just have to take it day by day …
Anyway. This went on way longer than I planned. Just … I've been wanting to say this for _months_ but wasn't able to get off my ass and just do it. Maybe finally getting it done is a sign that I'm starting to pull myself together … but I don't want to assume it is only to fall apart again. So I'll just have to take it day by day …
Well, I planned to get an episode of Somewhere Out There and Uncharted Territory up here every week, but I got derailed again. But in a good way: the last few weeks were spent working with the homeless shelter staff to get into an apartment, and I'm finally in. First time I've been able to sleep more than an hour or two broken into small chunks since December 6...
Of course, something had to go wrong almost immediately. My Google account got disabled, I couldn't get it re-enabled, and now everything I had stored in the Drive and Docs is gone. I can't access them anymore. So I spent the past couple of days setting up a new email address (not with Google), updating my contact info on my various online accounts, switching to a different browser and uninstalling Chrome, setting up a new Google account just to keep my phone functioning and so I could subscribe to channels on YouTube -- but that's all I'll be doing with it. If I ever make any more videos, I'll upload them to another service. I'm ditching Google as much as possible.
I had recent drafts of some of my work on my laptop, but I'm in the process of copying chapters of the ones I don't from sites I posted them on, and saving them to my laptop and Dropbox in case anything happens with the sites I've been posting them on. With my most recently completed novel (Project Revenant), that means I have to work with a copy that's outdated by several drafts, so it'll need a thorough revision before I start posting it here and on my Patreon page.
So ... it'll take a while longer for me to get everything sorted out, but hopefully not too long. Barring any more disasters, I'm hoping to get back into the routine soon ...
Of course, something had to go wrong almost immediately. My Google account got disabled, I couldn't get it re-enabled, and now everything I had stored in the Drive and Docs is gone. I can't access them anymore. So I spent the past couple of days setting up a new email address (not with Google), updating my contact info on my various online accounts, switching to a different browser and uninstalling Chrome, setting up a new Google account just to keep my phone functioning and so I could subscribe to channels on YouTube -- but that's all I'll be doing with it. If I ever make any more videos, I'll upload them to another service. I'm ditching Google as much as possible.
I had recent drafts of some of my work on my laptop, but I'm in the process of copying chapters of the ones I don't from sites I posted them on, and saving them to my laptop and Dropbox in case anything happens with the sites I've been posting them on. With my most recently completed novel (Project Revenant), that means I have to work with a copy that's outdated by several drafts, so it'll need a thorough revision before I start posting it here and on my Patreon page.
So ... it'll take a while longer for me to get everything sorted out, but hopefully not too long. Barring any more disasters, I'm hoping to get back into the routine soon ...
Trying to get back into something resembling a routine, but it'll still take a while. Aside from the current situation I'm still dealing with, I'm also just trying to work on too many projects at the same time. Bit off more than I could chew.
For now, I'm hoping to post one chapter of "Somewhere Out There" per week starting tomorrow morning, plus one per week of "Uncharted Territory," while keeping up with the other stuff I'm working on. All this while waiting for something else on the car to break and cost me another thousand dollars...
If nothing goes horribly wrong in the next few months, I'm hoping to increase the pace from one per week to at least three if not back to every day like it was before. But we'll see how things play out from here ...
For now, I'm hoping to post one chapter of "Somewhere Out There" per week starting tomorrow morning, plus one per week of "Uncharted Territory," while keeping up with the other stuff I'm working on. All this while waiting for something else on the car to break and cost me another thousand dollars...
If nothing goes horribly wrong in the next few months, I'm hoping to increase the pace from one per week to at least three if not back to every day like it was before. But we'll see how things play out from here ...
Ugh. Everyday-life stuff is still getting in the way. After fixing the broken stuff on the car, the latest breakdown ended up costing $1,600 to fix. Had to get a loan to cover part of it. And now there seems to be something hinky with the brakes...
In the meantime, I've been working on other stuff to hopefully bring in some money. Submitted something to a magazine and now I'm just waiting for it to be rejected. Entered a few of the challenges on Prose, as well. The latest was from a literary agency looking for writing samples, so I posted the first three chapters of Game Over: https://theprose.com/post/370302/game-over
The previous one was for a funny story, so I used one I already wrote around the end of last year. It features characters from Load and its sequels, but is self-contained enough. Still didn't win, but you never know until you try. I'll post it here once I get the two sequels to Load up here. https://theprose.com/post/369000/one-in-a-million
A previous one was "revenge fantasy" so I gave that a try as well. Again, didn't win ... but I'm used to that. https://theprose.com/post/362614/all-over-los-santos
For the cover image of that one, I just slapped some text on a screenshot of my Grand Theft Auto Online character (below). ;)
Another of their contests asked "how would you get away with being a serial killer in 2020?" Uh, yeah ... no. That sounds like a good way to get on an FBI watch list, so I had to pass on that one.
Anyway ... going to get back to work on Somewhere Out There and Uncharted Territory ASAP. Think I might've burned out a little, so maybe working on a couple of other things will hopefully give me a chance to reset...
In the meantime, I've been working on other stuff to hopefully bring in some money. Submitted something to a magazine and now I'm just waiting for it to be rejected. Entered a few of the challenges on Prose, as well. The latest was from a literary agency looking for writing samples, so I posted the first three chapters of Game Over: https://theprose.com/post/370302/game-over
The previous one was for a funny story, so I used one I already wrote around the end of last year. It features characters from Load and its sequels, but is self-contained enough. Still didn't win, but you never know until you try. I'll post it here once I get the two sequels to Load up here. https://theprose.com/post/369000/one-in-a-million
A previous one was "revenge fantasy" so I gave that a try as well. Again, didn't win ... but I'm used to that. https://theprose.com/post/362614/all-over-los-santos
For the cover image of that one, I just slapped some text on a screenshot of my Grand Theft Auto Online character (below). ;)
Another of their contests asked "how would you get away with being a serial killer in 2020?" Uh, yeah ... no. That sounds like a good way to get on an FBI watch list, so I had to pass on that one.
Anyway ... going to get back to work on Somewhere Out There and Uncharted Territory ASAP. Think I might've burned out a little, so maybe working on a couple of other things will hopefully give me a chance to reset...
Here's a few fun facts related to the sporadic nature of the updates on my stories here. To sum it up, I've got a lot of immediate concerns taking up most of my time. I'm working on Uncharted Territory at the moment, with more Somewhere Out There coming ASAP, and scheduling Load to post every morning because it's already written and I'm just copying and pasting it.
So ... after applying for about a thousand jobs in the past year and a half and not being hired for any of them, I focused on getting a car so I could at least go back to my old delivery job and get more than eight hours per week at the current job. Finally got a car with the stimulus check and what I'd managed to save up. Had the car for eight days and one of the tires popped. Shredded, basically. Got a lift to a nearby tire shop and got a used tire for $25.
That same afternoon, another tire popped. $30 to replace that one because they didn't have another of the $25 one. That lasted another week, then one of the used tires blew. I decided to replace it and the other with new ones before it popped, too. That was $230.
About a week later, the engine overheated on a delivery. Got the radiator flushed and the thermostat replaced. $210.
The next week, one of the other old tires ... well, it didn't deflate, but the outer layer split open and started peeling off. Had it towed to a nearby shop and had both remaining old tires replaced. $167.
That same day, the engine overheated again and the A/C turned itself off. Waited for it to cool down enough, drove it back to the shop, and left it there overnight. Waiting to find out what's wrong with it this time.
All this has happened in about a month. It'd be funny if I wasn't trying to just save up enough to get a place to live so I won't be homeless anymore. But all I can do is keep moving forward no matter how sluggishly and keep posting new episodes whenever I can ...
So ... after applying for about a thousand jobs in the past year and a half and not being hired for any of them, I focused on getting a car so I could at least go back to my old delivery job and get more than eight hours per week at the current job. Finally got a car with the stimulus check and what I'd managed to save up. Had the car for eight days and one of the tires popped. Shredded, basically. Got a lift to a nearby tire shop and got a used tire for $25.
That same afternoon, another tire popped. $30 to replace that one because they didn't have another of the $25 one. That lasted another week, then one of the used tires blew. I decided to replace it and the other with new ones before it popped, too. That was $230.
About a week later, the engine overheated on a delivery. Got the radiator flushed and the thermostat replaced. $210.
The next week, one of the other old tires ... well, it didn't deflate, but the outer layer split open and started peeling off. Had it towed to a nearby shop and had both remaining old tires replaced. $167.
That same day, the engine overheated again and the A/C turned itself off. Waited for it to cool down enough, drove it back to the shop, and left it there overnight. Waiting to find out what's wrong with it this time.
All this has happened in about a month. It'd be funny if I wasn't trying to just save up enough to get a place to live so I won't be homeless anymore. But all I can do is keep moving forward no matter how sluggishly and keep posting new episodes whenever I can ...
The fun never ends ... now I've got a medical issue that's been causing me to lose hours at work. Gonna need surgery and once that's done, it'll take me about a month to recover enough to go back to work. I've had the same surgery before, five or six years ago, and the problem came back in the last few years.
I was hoping I could keep working up until the surgery because I need the money, but it's gotten severe enough that I'll have to get a note from my doctor so I can take a medical leave of absence. Which means it'll be more than a month without a paycheck, depending on when the surgery can be scheduled.
In the meantime, I'll keep writing as much as possible. I'll be getting back to Somewhere Out There and Uncharted Territory. And I'm also uploading my first novel, "Load," and have the first episode set to go live on June 1. I wrote the first draft back in 2002, rewrote it over and over while submitting it to publishers and never getting it accepted anywhere. So now I'm giving it one more slight revision and posting it here. Readers can decide for themselves whether it's any good or not, since it never got past any of the gatekeepers.
Here's a sneak peek at the cover art...
I was hoping I could keep working up until the surgery because I need the money, but it's gotten severe enough that I'll have to get a note from my doctor so I can take a medical leave of absence. Which means it'll be more than a month without a paycheck, depending on when the surgery can be scheduled.
In the meantime, I'll keep writing as much as possible. I'll be getting back to Somewhere Out There and Uncharted Territory. And I'm also uploading my first novel, "Load," and have the first episode set to go live on June 1. I wrote the first draft back in 2002, rewrote it over and over while submitting it to publishers and never getting it accepted anywhere. So now I'm giving it one more slight revision and posting it here. Readers can decide for themselves whether it's any good or not, since it never got past any of the gatekeepers.
Here's a sneak peek at the cover art...
Got tired of waiting and just deleted the whole series, then started over. I'm not as patient as I used to be...
This time it worked the way it used to. No idea why it went haywire the first time. I did everything the exact same way, step by step, and got two different results. Ugh.
Anyway. It's uploaded and scheduled. The first episode goes live on May 1...
This time it worked the way it used to. No idea why it went haywire the first time. I did everything the exact same way, step by step, and got two different results. Ugh.
Anyway. It's uploaded and scheduled. The first episode goes live on May 1...
Well, I tried to post a new story while I continue working on other stuff, and immediately ran into a wall. When I tried to post the first episode, there's no option for pasting text into a window like there used to be. There's just a button to upload files.
So I saved the text as RTF, then DOCX, then DOC, then TXT -- and in every case, I clicked the upload button and the file wouldn't even show up.
I checked the FAQ and the forums and found no info at all. So I sent a feedback email because I don't know what else to try.
Forgive me if I come across as grouchy. The last year and a half has been taking a toll and it feels like every single thing I do ends in failure right out of the gate. Now all I can do is wait for an answer.
Anyway. Here's the book cover for the new short story, in case this goes completely pear-shaped and I'm never able to actually post it...
So I saved the text as RTF, then DOCX, then DOC, then TXT -- and in every case, I clicked the upload button and the file wouldn't even show up.
I checked the FAQ and the forums and found no info at all. So I sent a feedback email because I don't know what else to try.
Forgive me if I come across as grouchy. The last year and a half has been taking a toll and it feels like every single thing I do ends in failure right out of the gate. Now all I can do is wait for an answer.
Anyway. Here's the book cover for the new short story, in case this goes completely pear-shaped and I'm never able to actually post it...
