Joined Dec 2019 Leeds
Good judgment is a big part of good character. Helping our children become thoughtful decision makers goes beyond conscience formation (directly teaching what’s right and wrong and why). Developing our kids’ decision-making skills means teaching them certain questions or “tests” they can use to evaluate any given behavior. Should I let this person copy my homework? Go to a party that I know my parents wouldn’t approve of? Tell less than the whole truth if they ask where I’ve been? Participate in gossiping about a kid at school that my friends don’t like?
In many situations, restitution is a fitting moral consequence and teaches kids the important lesson that when you do something bad, you should do something good to make up for it. Restitution has the greatest value for children’s moral development when we require them to take responsibility for making things right by asking themselves, “What can I do to make up for what I did?”
A mother I once counseled said that dinners with her two-and-a-half-year-old son had become a nightmare. Jonathan would start out by refusing to come to the table. His parents would coax him to come. If they got him there, he would often refuse to eat. They would then promise him a nice dessert. He’d eat a little food and scream for dessert. They would bring out the dessert, sometimes trying to get him to alternate between spoons of dinner and spoons of dessert.
Advice seeking is especially important to stress with our children. They should know that even adults, if they are wise, don’t make important decisions—especially about tough problems— without seeking counsel from at least one person whose judgment they respect.
