This story is based on a true story. However in this writing, although based on a true story, I will write this story as a fiction story. This story does not intend to offend or badmouth certain groups.

Republic of Barakhtozia - 1980

I have never seen my father that hard on me since he scolded me for not respecting him. Mother also seemed to just stay silent seeing me questioning that matter. But what is more annoying, my sibling who usually defends me, now turned to question me back because of my words earlier. I asked them like this: "Why does god only give the door to heaven for our religion, why are other religions not given? Is the god of our religion unfair?"

Father did not answer that question, and instead told me not to ask about that. I don't understand what his reason is for silencing a question that is just a question about my curiosity regarding religious matters. Did my question earlier make me labeled as someone who violates religious commands? Of course I fought my father by 'speaking up' and sarcastically remarking him repeatedly about the silencing of the question, and that did not help, he even got angrier with my sarcasm.

I look at my country, and indeed that is in line with this condition. Many people outside my house are very devout in religion. They are even very restraining against various voices that are contrary to the direction of this belief. I don't know, am I the one who is astray, and included among the sheep who do not know the way home. Or I myself am indeed the sheep, which is meant in the religious teaching book, but in a human body, I don't know at all.

I was born from a well-off family, and I am quite fortunate that my parents have many connections. They are someone who indeed from childhood have lived and grown up with religious values. My father and mother are professors, they are lecturers at one of the famous universities in western Barakhtozian. Father is an expert in ancient religious teachings, and my mother is an expert in family law, both of them are conservative-moderate people. I have been taught various religious lessons from them, and I have no problem with that, until now I realize that, what is pursued from religion?

Since elementary school, I have learned various basics of religion, how to worship, how to purify oneself from dirt according to religious guidelines, and so on. Even until now, I still remember all of that. My sibling herself, she is a quiet person, but towards me, she likes to talk without clear boundaries, which in this case includes badmouthing me. I don't really mind that except when she goes overboard. I am also afraid if I yell at her, because she is a crybaby woman, but big-mouthed. I am also afraid if mother scolds me for yelling at her.

Now I am already at a teenage age, approximately 22 years, or less, I don't really remember because my mind is already filled with problems in my university studies. I can say that I am a smart and diligent child at my University. Not without reason, because all my friends are lazy people, and I only do university as it should be, but that actually makes me seen as a smart child. But I reject all those calls not because of arrogance, but because I am careful if becoming a smart child in class, you can be given the responsibility as class representative for inter-class intelligence competitions, which is clear that I am an ordinary child who goes to university as usual.
That actually makes me more immersed in pressure that seems to make me increasingly question that; "Is god here to help me?"