2:55 pm: Robin you have worked enough for today, time to go home. I am packing up because there are no other little odd jobs that need to be finished at the office. The only ones left to do will take way more time than the five minutes left in my workday. The sun is shining, and it is my little sister, Samantha’s birthday today, she is eighteen years old. Last night I made her a necklace of glass beads, colored pearls, and lace. The thought I had was, to either give her money or make something. What teenager doesn’t like the money? Then I thought about when I was her age; someone who is no longer here made me a beautiful pink freshwater pearl necklace; to this day I still cherish the gift, and maybe my sister will feel the same about the necklace that I will be giving her later tonight.
It is a long lonely drive home. Normally my husband Kyle and I carpool together, but last Thursday was his last day of work. Now Kyle is off, and our guess is, he will be without work for the next month until a new contract comes up.
Geez! The traffic after work makes the drive so ridiculously long. I am not sure about anyone else, but I wonder, my mind is always on the go like a hamster on its exercise wheel, and it is not always the normal stuff; well sometimes, it is. The random thoughts are things like, what I need to pick up at the grocery store. I sometimes wonder why my boss is so incredibly retarded. Today on the drive home, my brain is pondering the thought; how the hell does a psychic know that they are channeling their specific clients' loved ones? Personally, I believe that psychics are frauds because they always seem to find the dead relative that is close to the inquirer, and the dead person is always sending their love to them. Why is it that we never hear the psychic say that they couldn’t make a connection because the deceased is now reincarnated, or that the deceased is upset with them and haunting their house or something? I’m not super religious, and I hope that I’m not coming off as one of those philosophical, religious, push their beliefs onto others kind of person, but I know that there are religions on earth that follow this belief and that some do believe in reincarnation. These psychic readings seem to reflect the beliefs of the psychic and not the client. Why am I thinking about this psychic stuff anyway? Well, it is because this morning, on the radio show they have psychic readings once a week. This morning the psychic was on the air. It was funny because a woman called in and said that she was cheating on her husband, and she wanted the psychic to confirm whether her lover had more feelings for her other than the physical relationship. The psychic said that it was just a physical relationship, and the woman seemed completely relieved by his answer. Wow, I had a good laugh. Normally, the callers who inquire are all sad, choked up crying, and asking for the psychic to make a connection with dead loved ones, and it is always the same answer, like a broken record… “Someone is being channeled, and they are sending their love to you…” Blah, blah, blah is what I think. Anyway, this nonsense daydreaming is getting to be too off the deep end for me, let me change subjects.
The roads are a parking lot; I am just sitting in traffic staring ahead. This is so annoying; not even moving really drives me nuts. I must tune out of this traffic frustration. Let me switch the subject to books. I do love to read because it helps me to get my mind off things. Too bad, I cannot read and drive at the same time. I read every night in order to fall asleep. Currently, I am in this sensationally popular one that “Everyone”, and when I say everyone, I am visually making air quotes with my hands as I drive and saying the word “Everyone”. Anyway, “Everyone” is talking about it. It is a story about a girl who is swept off her feet by this incredibly handsome young and a very rich man, the catch. He has kinky tastes in the sac…. Hey, I am not complaining, I do admit it is a good read. Would I say great; nope, it’s not even close in comparison to my favorite books, none the less, it’s good enough for me to keep my attention; get my mind off all the daydreaming that I do, and that helps me fall asleep at night.
Recently the idea of writing my own story came to me. Do I know anything about writing? No not really…Do I know anything about copyright, publishing and stuff to make a story get to a bookshelf? NOPE. What is the drive? Well, I think that I have a story to tell. I doubt anyone thinks like me, and if they do then, I think that they keep their daydreams secret. I want recognition and hey, all these first-time writers seem to get rich. I laugh to myself. Boy, if I could just be rich, or at least win one million dollars I could do so much with it. There are so many places to see and things to buy and I would have that freedom to follow my dreams. Wow, so many dreams from the daydreamer. I should help in the creation of the commercials that the lottery companies put out. I do believe in lottery tickets. I buy one every time I stop for gas, but so is a billion others. I know my chances are slim to zip and really, it will only be a dream and nothing more, but I continue to buy because I enjoy that idea of knowing that there is a tiny chance of winning.
There we go, now we are getting somewhere! Finally, the traffic is starting to clear, and I am moving off this downtown street and onto the highway. Now that we are moving, I am starting to feel a little closer to home. YES, I internally jump for joy at the thought of getting home. I continue to wonder. Why do I even daydream, it’s almost as though I’m playing some evil game by tormenting myself, and I know logically that I will never come close to winning the lottery? For starters, I think it is because I want more out of life. I think that I can do better in all aspects. Don’t mistake these thoughts of me being ungrateful for what I have. I recognize that I have a fantastic life, and I am sure that without sounding too presumptuous that my peers would agree. I am a thirty-year-old woman. I would rate myself as a seven point five. I have a very handsome husband, Kyle, he is thirty-three years old, tall, blue eyes, and he keeps his hair short, shaved bald short. Kyle has his head on his shoulders and is a true provider, even with his little setback, currently being out of work, he still does so much for the both of us, and I do love him to bits. I have a wonderful career. I’m an office worker for a private company that sells and installs solar panels to corporate companies and the general public, I am proud of what I do for a living, and I do sleep well at night in knowing that the small role I do is good for this world. I own a home, two cars, and a four-wheeler. The only major debts I have is a mortgage, which is the norm these days. Lastly, the only child that I have is a little three-year-old black Havanese dog named Smarty.
So even though I know that life is good, why is it that I always want more? Well, I feel that I have gotten so used to my lifestyle and have sort of fallen into a rut. In the past year, I have dropped thirty pounds. I was by no way fat, just a wee bit chunky, and I would like to lose another fifteen to twenty pounds just to get the little rolls off my body and have a more athletic and toned look. I feel like I am stuck in a rut and lack the motivation to reach goals. I need to do this in order to fulfill that need that I have of my body image. Kyle and I do have fights; just like any other couple, but I feel that I could be a better wife for him. I know he gets annoyed with all my day dreaming for starters, and yesterday he told me, “Robin please, I am not sure what world you think your living in, but everything you want, as it is right now isn’t going to happen.”… Can’t a girl dream? I guess after six years he is getting tired of it. My career is good, but that is just it. I love my job, but it is not exciting. I could look to climb the corporate ladder, but nothing has come up. I am keeping my eyes open for opportunities, but I guess I need to do more and really look. What person doesn’t want to make enough and have no limits?
Finally! I am coming up to my off ramp. Five more minutes and I will be home. So that is it, my life as it is in this moment, normal. Just normal…. The realization is I know what I need to do, and I need to start doing more to make my life more than just the norm. Easy said okay let’s do this! My car is idling at the red light at the end of the off ramp. The light turns green and I touch my foot to the gas.
When I set foot in my house, I am going downstairs to work out in my gym, maybe do a bit of running on the treadmill, and work out like a rock star!