Read Anti-GOD | Tapas Web Community

Prelude: DRAW

Memory was a new thing for Draw. It was not like memory was not there before, it was there but not with this kind of sequence, more like a story. However, the story was filled with a new kind of sense, the sense of time. He could feel every bit of it like he lived it and discovered more to his consciousness with some continuous frustration. It was like he could no longer be still, hence he had to move.

Not so long ago, Draw remembered that his name was not something that he gave himself but might be it was given by some other; he was not sure of such memory because it was based on nothing more than a strong feeling.
Although his frustration made him realized that the perspective of his story could be very subjective and yet he was asking himself, "Who was it…who could have given me my name.” His sensitive awareness was troubling him, it seemed to him that existence was something special but equally painful as there was nothing else for him to do beside existing with intangible and unfocused continuity of free thinking based on very little knowledge of the world that was then with some unsure strong subjective feelings.

All he could think was based on some other form of understanding which was not equal with his conscious wave. After some time he got a little focus to grasp the situation he was in, "What am I?… why i am here! What is this place?”- he was trapped inside a cave like hollow dark Shadowy place that he could not remember getting in the first place. He was quite unsure and ambiguous about his calculation of the environment he was in.

"I Need to remember something, something special’; what is it?."- and yet nothing else comes to his constructive and creative thinking. Moreover, he tried to ask the question differently, "what else can I remember?" After some moments some information enlighten his mind, "a word or a name?"- If this was a name there was no image in his mind for that name that could belong to someone, then he tried to visualize any image of that word, and he was saying the word over and over again, "Eshana. Eshana. Eshana."
His mind was blank, blank to that word “yeah, its a name alright.” And saying that name was making him very peaceful and soothing inside. He thought, "maybe it's a name of someone I knew very well, I can remember slowly but now what I have to do is to get out of here.” Then he tried to move but couldn’t.

"What is wrong with me why can't I move"-he thought.
"I want to see what is beyond this place, something other than darkness."- he tried and tried but there was no function of his body, It was like he forgot how to move. He could remember moving before and when he was moving in his memory, he could remember producing some bright light from his body.

Nonetheless, he noticed something, like he was shivering some moments ago. A small kind of vibration was happening inside his body, that at least proves that he could move- “but how can I vibrate a little more so that I can move up or lift myself up or down may be?”
He further thought, “maybe I should feel the environment around me, I should know what is flowing around me, moving around me. Maybe the space around me has some kind of secret that I can use."

He was feeling the warmth and darkness, alongside with all of that he could not forget that he was alone. By feeling the warmth of outside he was turning the feeling inside his body, "yes!"- something was flowing inside him and it was not the warmth or the darkness; it was his own light, his own existence.

Everything around him was shaking, It was like the earth around him was grabbing him and lifting him towards the surface. “Am I doing it?"- he asked himself doubtfully “ Is everything around me granting me whatever I am wishing for?"
What was happening there, was not occurring like an earthquake.
Hence, the earth-soil was leaving it’s place when he was passing it and taking it’s place back after he was lifted from there. It was more like he commanded the universe to bend it's law to do something, on account of that command the whole universe system was hacked just to lift him up.

Draw came out of a hole that appeared on the ground, which then got filled like it was never there in the first place. But what made him more surprised was what was on the surface.
There were some kind of big shaped houses around him. Some kind of flying vehicles were all around the skies. "What kind of world is this?- he wondered. At that moment one person just got passed him but that person couldn't sense his existence. "Am I invisible?"- he followed that person and tried to get his attention by getting in front of him or he tried to even kick him once yet he had no reaction to any of his actions. "Do i really exist? How can I exist if nobody can see me or sense me? Am i in some kind of another phase? Then how am I holding myself above the ground? May be I do not have enough physicality to be considered as EXISTENCE"- he was very confused and desperately needed someone to express any of his emotions. He sat on the roadside thinking what he should do then, if nobody else could not even know about his existence then there was no point on getting on this surface. "But where else I can go and what else can I do? There is nothing more to my existence."
Then he thought, " what if I become a part of somebody else's physicality, what if I exist for someone else or from someone else, someone who needs my existence, then I need to find someone who can wish to the universe through me, I will only share my one true will to him and that would be to know about the name Eshana."- it was not like the universe was ignorant about his will. The universe was sharing visions with him, but draw could not understand those visions. He was too sad, everything was there but it was like he could not feel them or sense them. He was realizing the reality of his existence, "I am invisible."

He was walking, where he was going he didn't know. "May be there is something called the future"- he thought. Hence, there was a building construction, he saw how all the materials came together to build a big house of wish. "May be I am just a material and i need some other material to form the house of my wish, a wish that will have physical existence."

Hereafter, he was in trance and becoming powerless and light. Therefore, he was walking in the air, he was stepping up then above and soon he was in space out of planet's gravity and environment. He felt like he was trapped inside his existence. He was going towards the sun, time seems to be extinct to him like he was jumping in space-time where only he was the one who was moving. It was a barest of his movement but it was his movement, might it be the movement of his wish or instinct.

Very soon he stepped on the sun's gravity. Zillions of radiated atoms was not burning him and that was his biggest regret.”Wait a minute! Can't I will to be burned?"- he acknowledged his authorial entity. At the moment of his starting to burn himself, or crashed into the deadly gravity, his entity engaged on protecting itself. His shape began to crystallize in a sphere form and his instinct made his form jumped from the sun with a greater speed. He fall on earth like a meteorite on a smart metallic building that got destroyed in a blink of an eye. There whoever was observing, saw a second moon crashing on the result of 25 years of hard work and an objective dream of many great human minds.

However, he came out of his crystallized shell like a chicken coming out from its egg. He saw the destruction around him because of his fall. "Was it unkindly"- he asked himself sadly. Then he realized he was some kind of freak, not even his wish could kill him. "Yes, I need to find someone, someone with whom I will share my EXISTENCE, may be he will be on the moment of his death and I need to find him."- he started to walk normally but didn't notice that something was more about him then he was before. The sun was smiling above his head and the wind was blowing like it doesn't mind his appearance and movement and this day was going to end like any other day before and any other day that was going to come.