The crisp morning air flowed through the shudders of my home, signifying my time to rise. I open my crusted eyes rubbing away last night’s sleep, to find a fly circling above me like a buzzard over a carcass. I left the window open, the nights horde privy to the insides of my home, luckily nothing is out of place, well other than that mischievous fly.

I shuffle trying to put on some amount of decency hopping on one foot like a drunkard trying to put on his pants, all the while looking for a newspaper to send that fly to oblivion. I finally got my pants on, almost tripping over the rest of my pantleg, and there it was, right in the corner of my eye. A magazine, it was no newspaper, but it’ll do just fine. I quickly roll it in the palm of my hand tightening the loop periodically all while scanning the room like a hawk looking for a mouse.

Where is it, I’m standing as still as a statue. Maybe if I don’t move ill see it better. No dice, damn thing must’ve flown out the still open window, as I go to shut the window I throw the magazine on the counter, but the frantic unraveling caused it to slide off the counter, “oh great it’s going to be one of those days” I thought to myself as I bent over to pick it up.  I hit my head on the way up, yup…it’s one of those days.

Looks like the city is doing another Harvest festival, I used to like going and perusing the stalls, mostly homemade stuff from people in the community or farmed food from their personal gardens. It was a cool idea back in the day to bring people closer together, now it’s tradition.

I used to go back in the day with my family, the smell of fresh baked bread always filled the streets, kids playing, running up and down the streets trying to take everything in before it was too late. Those were good times.

Somewhere along the way, I lost that spark, going out and socializing became a chore, and soon progressed into a phobia.

I’m not an outgoing type, I don’t like crowds, I stay inside and do what I can to stay busy, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t boring a hole in my skull. I might go……. I’ll think about it, it just depends on how many people will be there.

As I start to worry, I drift and fade with a familiar feeling, it kills me, moments of self-reflection like this, I am afraid of people, what they’ll do or how they’ll act. So, I keep my distance it’s better to be distant and safe than close and hurt, right? This would be true, if I didn’t also long for the chance at human contact, a connection, even just someone to talk to, these contradictory emotions are like an anchor with no sea floor, consistently sinking into the void.

As I regain my sense of self and my vision returns, I find myself drawn to the window, as the morning sun was peering in, a sweet smell of dew rushes in with the morning air, in that moment everything was the way it should be, eloquent and short, as moments of perfection last only for only a moment.

I meandered over to the bathroom of my studio apartment, leaning over the sink as if I had a bad night, but I didn’t, I don’t think, it was just me here. I raise my head to be equal to the mirror, my long black hair draped down over my face, it’s so long now it’s down to my shoulders. 

I always used to get comments on it, the moms would always comment on how lovely and shiny my hair was. I got the hair from my mother; she had such lovely silk black hair.

I miss my mom, she was such a kind loving woman, someone I never deserved. A feeling catches my attention pulling me out from my dissociative state, a single tear runs down my face, memories are too painful, it’s just a constant reminder that life was better in the past.

Friends and family that no longer wish to speak with you, turn to shades.  Lifeless hurtful shades hurling insults and spewing venom.  “Oh, how foolish was he” “Thomas was such a loser, I heard from someone he’s a drinker who beats those closest to him, that’s why he’s alone” “What a piece of garbage” None of them true of course, except maybe the loser part.  Somewhere in my journey through this unfeeling life was a catalyst; a switch in comprehension, I used to be so outgoing, so cool, maybe it was all in my head.

I brush the hair from my face with my fingers as I gaze upon my face, I feel only discontentment.  I shudder and cringe at those memories, how they twist me.  I catch my eye, how beautiful the gaze, I seem to be locked in fervent battle who will blink and who will be victorious? I wish I lived in the mirror; I wish I could switch with the thing I see in front of me.

I scoff at my image, how lowly, how repugnant.  How my heart aches for my mother, how sweet were her words.  Swooping in like an angel to tend to my wounds no matter how deep.  Why did she have to be taken in such a violent fashion, a beautiful soul snuffed out within my very gaze. 

The gun shouldn’t have gone off, it just shouldn’t have, if only I was bigger, stronger, I could have ripped from him what he took from me.  I shove the hatred way down, as I do, feeding the void in my soul, I want to be strong, I want power.

I let out a sigh.  How perfect would that be? That I would have the chance to take instead of being taken from.  That doesn’t happen, sure I was a bit of a violent kid at times but that’s because of them, not me, why did they think a dead mother was funny? Why the rocks, don’t they know they hurt?

I shake my head violently, I don’t like thinking of those times, they were terrible.

I regain focus and realize I am still grasping the sink, looking inward, right into my very own eyes.  I splash some cold water on my face and watch as it falls off purging my skin of sleep, bringing me into the day.  “Hello” I say, as if to welcome back the fully awaken me.  I push off from the sink, and head for the bedroom. 

“Better get on with the day” I say to the non-existent peer next to me, why did I do that; I mosey over to the bureau where I keep all my clothes, grab the most recently folded shirt, and throw it on, “oh, nice” I blurt out, I scan the room in a panic, to see if anyone heard me talking to myself, then I remembered its only me in here. Why am I so paranoid?

I hear a scurrying in the corner, must be something.  I pause, holding myself still until my eyes look upon the thing in my room.

As my field of view darts to one end of the room to the next, I start over to the kitchen. I grab a knife from the drawer, ready to defend myself from whatever I feel has made its way into my room. As I scan the room, I see nothing, but the feeling is still present. “Hello” “What’s there!” I blurted out in complete desperation. My anxiety at this point is on the verge of making my limbs tingle. What is going on? What is this sudden feeling of dread and gloom like something is wanting to kill me?!

Out the corner of my eye, I see something. I don’t know what it is, and I really don’t want to find out. Something within me tells me I’m in trouble, it’s screaming that I’m dead?!!, but there’s nothing going on. It’s just me in here, what the hell is that behind me!

With my back still turned I rub my eyes frantically, hoping and praying the moment I stop rubbing and open my eyes, it’ll be gone. It’s no use, now I can’t even open my eyes, I don’t want to. I feel like something’s standing on my shoulders, what the hell is this pressure? What, is, hap- images, from my life? I’m too young to die! What’s going on? I haven’t even lived! My life recedes into black as does my being, until everything was drowned out in darkness.

Thomas has fallen into a dream-like state, the very essence of his being has been thrown into the endless abyss, a terrible fever dream, an unending nightmare filled with nothing but empty void.

The only sensation I can feel is the cold tile on my face. I don’t know what to do, I’m in shock I guess, something was in here and that something tried to kill me? Right? Was it a panic attack? Stroke? No, it wasn’t a stroke, or a panic attack, I’ve never had one that bad but maybe I got carried away with thinking about how alone I am and freaked out?

That’s honestly what it was, fully awake I get up from the floor, my body doesn’t ache, and I don’t seem to be missing anything, so I think I’m good! As soon as I finish my sentence my vision goes blurry and I lose what remaining energy I had, ok, so not good, I meander over to the foot of the bed. Plop on the corner of the bed and hold my head in my hands.

Well damn, got up too fast, I wait patiently for the spotty vision and vertigo to subside, I can feel myself starting to relax, as my vision slowly returns to me.  I slowly get up and go to the sink and pour myself some water, if anything I’m probably dehydrated and jolting upright right after falling unconscious was not a good move.

I pour a glass of water to regain my nerves, right before I take a sip of water, I look in the glass. In the cup there is a small black creature with short tentacles and what looks to just be eye in the center. What the ****!?  I throw the cup to the ground in a fit, shattering the glass.

I jump back and rub my eyes, what the **** is happening, I go to the shattered glass to look for the disgusting thing. There was nothing there? It was just broken glass and water. Was it a residual hallucination from passing out?

I think I might need to go to the doctor, I might have schizophrenia, it’s the only explanation for what just occurred. No, I was just moving way to fast when I passed out, and I probably just hit my head hard on the floor when I fell.

It’s not as if I have a busy schedule today, so there’s no reason for my moving so fast.  I should just take it slow for today, I’m not in the best of shape apparently.

Alright, time to get a move on, I scan myself just to make sure I have everything I need for the day. Phone, keys, identification, sweet all good; time to go. I open the door; as I do it gives off its usual cry of creaking horror, I lock the door behind me, and do my double triple wiggle on the handle, just to make sure you know?

As I’m walking to my car, there’s this loud crash like a car crash but I don’t see anything not even smoke. Up and down main street I scan and scan, but I don’t see anything, except other people looking at me with a confused stare. I catch myself; I don’t want to look crazy to these people they could be my neighbors.

I regain myself, and as I do; a shard of glass falls in front of me, thin almost non-existent, I turn my eyes to the sky, where I find it has shattered. How can the sky shatter? I look around this time collected in thought, no one seems to be aware of what had happened.

*rumble*

The ground shook with ferocity like that of a beast, the sky crumbled and fell, shards of sky were falling at half speed as if gravity was failing them. The shards did not cause damage however, they seemed to glide and disappear over structures, speaking to the mythic nature of what I witnessed. 

I waited in still motion to see if said glass would harm me, maybe since only I can see it, maybe it will cut me? Hurt me? I hold my arm out in front of me, as if to catch a falling snow petal; the glass just glides through me like an apparition.  Haunted at this sight I shudder, what is this, why am I the only one to witness such destruction? 

This can only lead to a single conclusion, I’m losing it.  I must be schizophrenic.

I need to get to a hospital.

“Stop!” yells a figure in the distance; however, I don’t hear the cries of this person as I hurry to my car.  I got in and turned over the ignition and shove it into drive.

“The freakin’ sky’s falling,” what a fitting end, death by hallucination, my brain must be melting or something, I’m the only one who saw the sky shatter. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be the only one panicking... right? Right?! With a sharp turn down the neighboring street, with speed too much for the corner, I swerve to crash.

I shut my eyes waiting for the inevitably painful but hopefully quick death. A moment passes, I open my eyes, put my hands down, in my utter shock and amazement. I was still crashing!

As if time itself had come to a halt, so too did my destruction, the fire from the engine was hot, yet the flames did not touch me.  Is this a death hallucination? What the hell is going on! The glass from the windshield that had been smashed in was moving at such a slow pace I could watch as the shards meander past me slow enough to catch in my palm.

They glistened with an otherworldly glow, it’s beautiful.

How is this happening, I pondered for a while, what seemed too long, until my thoughts gathered, and I realized: I’m hallucinating, must be that I’ve finally really lost it, I just hope I die swiftly, or did I even get into the car? Am I still on the floor? Did I never actually wake up? Wake up! Wake up! …….. no use, is this real?

There is no pain... a crash like this would have torn me to bits and pieces, the road cleaners would have to scrape me off the pavement.  So why does it feel like I am in water, this warm flow surrounded my body from inside the car. If I had to properly explain it, I would say it was akin to a soap bubble filled with warm water, but there is no water.

“Huh? Am I floating!!?”

I begin to float from my seat, just hovering above the debris.

I look around, the car starts to melt as I’m still in it. “What is going on?! What the hell, what the hell! Why is my car melting!? I let out a curdling scream of panic.

The car around me was melting like candle wax, quickly dripping down the still solid car door frame. It was melting but there was no heat, I could almost touch it, however the bubble I am trapped inside, held tightly against my attempts to puncture.

“Why am I not burning, how am I flying and why is the car melting?!?!”

The roof of the car separates in a gloppy mess, and the bubble lifts me out from the gaping hole.  I could not even try to explain what was going on, for it was not for man to understand. The only possibility is... Magic! If I keep that in mind, what happened is like an anime or a cartoon? But that’s make believe. But what is this then? The bubble bursts, letting me fall a couple feet to the ground right on my butt.

I must still be unconscious in my apartment!

I land on the ground hard, the air in my lungs forcibly expelled; “Hello? I blurt out, what the heck was that?!” 

“Ahem! I told you to stop!” Shouts a small voice close to me.

My eyes dart up to the path of the voice, but it’s not a person, there’s nothing there. “Hello?” I blurt out again; is there someone there. I get up; look around my surrounding area. The streets are vacant, which is close to impossible on a Harvest Day. “What’s going on?” Where is everyone? This street is usually packed with people and wheeled stalls.

“Hey!” I hear directly in my ear. I jump. Caught unaware I started to panic, there’s someone here but I can’t see them. As I begin to sweat due to the unknown nature of my predicament, almost as if it noticed my present state, I see a ball of light float right Infront my face. “What…. the”