Water, fucking water. Never liked the stuff, nearly drowning as a child didn’t help either. I can live without baths as well, I am perfectly okay with smelling like a feral dog. Wouldn’t be much of a change, but mom insists for some reason.

“Desoto Farris Alcaeus, get your ass in the shower. It’s been days!” Her stern voice grating on my ears. Jesus, can’t a guy get some sleep around here. Whatever I’m going back to sleep. 

That was a big mistake because almost immediately after I am being sprayed by a hose.

“Attack with extreme prejudice!” Finley, why am I surprised.

“Fuck off you demonic piece of shit.” I can hear my other mom in the kitchen listening to her tunes like she always does. Barely, but it’s there. Now to get Finley out for long enough to get dressed.

“Finn! Sweetheart can you come help me with breakfast please?” My mom’s sweet voice floats up the stairs, her signature southern lilt shining bright in our dark house. Luckily for me, that gets Finley running for the stairs. 

Silence. Finally, sweet silence. 

Slowly I get ready for school. Pulling on my usual jeans and t-shirt, slipping on my timberlands and denim jacket as I walk down the stairs.

“Des! Mornin’ honey.” I smile at my mom before slinking towards her for a hug. Hey, I may be cool but I’ll never be too cool to give my mom a hug.

“Look who’s finally up, the problem child.” That would be my other mom, Ezra. My guess is that dad isn’t up yet considering how Finley’s hair is still a hot mess. He always makes sure that Finn’s hair is perfect no matter how much they complain. 

I have three parents; my mom Ezra, better known as Ez, my other mom Dahlia, and my dad Sam. Yes, three, some people think it’s weird, some automatically assume that my dad divorced one of my moms and remarried the other but that isn’t true. I just have three parents. 

“Desoto could you please wake your father up, he refused to get up the past 37 times I’ve woken him up.” I held up my hands in a defensive gesture as I snatched a piece of bacon for dad. The snoring was audible from the hallway, here we go. If I’m dead or missing look in the septic tank.

“PA!” 

Thunk.

There it is.

“[WHO HAS THE AUDACITY TO WAKE ME UP]” Is the only thing I hear from the ground before shoving the bacon in my mouth and running into the living room. My life may be in danger but food is more important. Today karma seems to be on my side because almost immediately after he stomps out of his room my moms are there with stern looks and coffee.

I take that as my signal to head to school.

I'll talk more there.