Janice sat there, looking at the fluffy grey cat that had managed to not only get into the house, but past her two huskies. Not that she expected the huskies to attack a cat. They were well behaved and trained. But they still were protective boys who didn’t like anything coming in without singing the songs of their people. 

So many. 

Many.

Songs.

And yet, here they were. Tails wagging as if this was their best friend in the world. Neither of them making a single peep other than their soft panting. Meanwhile the cat’s strangely aware golden eyes followed every move Janice made. Eventually Janice picked up her coffee and took a careful sip, closing her eyes as if willing for the cat to go away. 

As her eyes opened, where the cat was now sitting there was a small cat sized mug of coffee. 

“I hope you don’t mind.” He half purred. “I thought I’d get myself some as well.”

Janice glanced down at the cup which was mostly her creamer and maybe two drops of coffee. “Did I finally lose it?”

“Are you hearing the dogs thoughts as well?” Said the cat as it began to lap at it’s ‘coffee’. 

Janice looked at the dogs. “Snip. Snap. Do you two have anything to say?”

The dogs each let out a bark and quickly ran to the door where some grey skies threatened snow. Janice walked over and opened the door, letting the two bolt as a frozen breeze snuck in behind them. Shivering, she looked back at the cat. 

“So the fact I can’t hear them means I’m not crazy huh?”

“Well, you choose dogs over cats. So I can’t really claim you are sane. But it takes all types. Which is why I’m here to discuss business with you.” As the cat turned to look at Janice, she realized the cat's mouth was moving with the words perfectly. 

Jancie shook her head and went back to the kitchen. If she was going to deal with this she was going to make bacon and eggs while the boys were outside and couldn’t hassle her. She loved her boys but even the most well behaved dogs would give sad eyes for some hot and fresh bacon.The cat followed, leaping from the table to the countertop. Her fluffy fur settled as she wrapped her tail around her paws. 

“I am serious though. I have come to discuss business. My name is LillyBelle.”

Slapping some of the bacon onto a cookiesheet, Janice rolled her eyes. “From the cat distribution system right?”

LillyBelle’s voice perked up. “Oh! You do know of us. That will make this so much faster. We need you as a consultant.”

Janice froze, the cookie sheet half in the oven and half out. “I was joking. My friend with cats makes that comment all the time.”

There was a groan as LillyBelle slowly stood up on her hind legs. Her front paw smacking her forehead. “Right. Muffin let it slip to an owner once. Look. Can you come with me after breakfast? The Good Boy Association will make sure your chosen animals are taken care of while you help us out.”

“With what?” Janice carefully closed the oven door before getting the eggs. Waiting for a response.

Apparently deciding to be a helpful guest, LillyBelle went to get the frying pan down from its rack. Janice watched for a moment, trying to figure out how this cat was so easily getting it off the hook without dropping it on her own paws. But then the cat was talking to a human in English. Maybe it was best not to question it too much. As she set down the pan, LillyBelle had frowned.

“We keep sending cats to bad places.” She gently pushed the pan onto the stovetop, batting it slightly into place. “And the cats either go to people who don’t need them, understand them, or want them. We’ve tried several consultants that are cat lovers but it hasn’t worked out.”

Janice rolled her eyes. “Of course it didn’t. Cat lovers think everyone should have a cat. Some folks shouldn’t.”

“See that! That is the insight we need. We have tough cases and we don’t mind handing them off to other animal deployment teams but we get most of the cases.” LillyBelle stared at the handle and gave it one more bat. “Of course we are the best choice. Most of the time.”

“Uh huh… so. Do I get more information than that?” She turned on the heat and cracked the eggs in, opting for fried eggs before bacon. It was nice to end the breakfast that way. And then the bacon was perfectly hot and crisp.

LillyBelle lowered her head and ears. “I can’t tell you more until you come to the office. If you don’t agree then it’ll be easier to make this seem like a funny dream to you before we go to the next ones.”

With a nod Janice watched as the eggs cooked up, grabbing some bread and a plate. “Fine. I’ll go. If nothing else to help this look like a fever dream.”

***

Within the hour, Janice was dressed in some nice slacks and a blouse. She figured if this was for a potential job she should at least try to look nice. She now had the dogs properly secured in the back. They could go the entirety of the yard but not over or under the fence line. Although she did notice a suspicious number of crows holding some things like ropes and balls. One even had what looked like a bone. Janice didn’t want to know where it came from. But at least her boys seemed happy.

She walked over to LillyBelle, who immediately jumped into her arms. Purring, LillyBelle rubbed against Janice as the woman carried the cat through the front door.

“Right, so how far is this… place?” 

Janice’s voice dropped to a whisper as she realized they were already in a huge room with screens and holograms all over the place. She looked back to see her door behind her. Along with hundreds of others. Each with their porch and even decorations just hanging there. When she turned back around, Janice took an unsteady step off the porch step and onto the soft carpet. Well. Mostly soft. Parts were worn thin from cat scratches. 

LillyBelle jumped down and stood up again, now looking closer to Janice’s own size. Or maybe Janice was shrinking to theirs? Everything looked bigger now. Even the doors. 

“Sorry. I didn’t want to shrink with you. Now, this is the system headquarters. Most of our cases are straightforward when it comes to matching a cat with their human.” LillyBelle gestured to a screen showing a set of potential human matches for a cat and an instant green light going off before the cat’s picture disappeared.

“Right. But you said some were going wrong.” Janice quickened her pace to keep up with LillyBelle. “Is it at this level or…”

LillyBelle walked over to another screen that had orange lights on it. A black cat trying to determine which human to place its paw on. As Janice looked at the screen it seemed like all three humans needed a companion, but wouldn’t take in a normal stray. 

“There are situations like these. Obviously, Herbert the cat would be a wonderful choice for any of them. But the system throws up errors. We don’t understand why.” LillyBelle let out a sigh. “We try to pick the best match but then things go wrong.”

Janice looked at the three choices. As she tapped the pictures herself, information about family and jobs popped up. Even romantic relationships.

“Well no wonder. That one has a snake and is worried the cat would try to attack it. Her last cat tried and she had to give it to a neighbor. That one is dating someone with cat allergies that can’t be around long haired cats. Only short hair. And this one…” She tapped on the screen. “Can’t afford the initial vet checks for taking in a stray.” 

“But these are the three humans we can get Herbert near that are close to a good match. What else can we do? I suppose we could have the snake disappear.” 

As she spoke, LillyBelle moved into a simulation mode on the screen. Trying to remove the boyfriend or the snake from the other two. After a moment Janice pushed LillyBelle out of the way and started clicking around herself on the third option. After a few moments a green light came on highlighting the first and third humans.

“There. That works.” Janice smiled. 

LillyBelle blinked. “How did you do that?”

“Oh simple. The last one is obviously wanting a cat. But the initial cost. So I made a flyer for a donation run foster care show up on the first one’s door. She starts donating and then finds Herbert. She donates Herbert. Two weeks later, she runs into the third human at the store. They get to talking and that gets the third one to the foster care to see if they need helpers. Meaning he finds Herbert, falls in love and adopts while still volunteering at the foster center. With no fees because he pledges a bunch of hours of help.”

LillyBelle stared in awe before looking back to Janice. “We can offer you full food and vet care for your dogs through the Good Boy Association no matter what happens to you plus a nice hefty cash bonus for each successful case you help us with.”

Janice had to admit, that was very tempting. Student loans were no joke. Neither was the mortgage on her home. And knowing her boys would be taken care of no matter what was a big comfort. She knew her family couldn’t help with the huskies if anything happened. Not both of them at least.

“Ok. Let’s go over the contract and I’ll be happy to sign on. I’m guessing you’ll be my contact on this.” Janice turned away from the screen as she spoke, a smile on her face.

LillyBelle looked just as happy, her ears perked up and her voice in a half purr. “Of course. I’ll wear a collar when I come around so it’s not so obvious what I’m doing. Can’t have rumors going wild again.”

“Sure, sure.” Janice replied, just hoping her dogs wouldn’t mind the frequent visitor.

If she had only looked behind her, just as a screen lit up green, she would have had her answer. As LillyBelle and her own picture lit up green with the small text below reading.

As recommended by Snip and Snap of the Good Boys Association.