Crystallizatiton
May 17, 2017
In the country of the Clans called Lamia live five magic users. Reshawn, Zakia, Brent, Zach, and Faiza. They embark on the biggest quest they have ever been on. On one will be helping them and every decision could cost them their lives. Will the quest be successful or will their decision lead to the next war!
codg40
Top comment
Hey there Zodiataka. I read your manga and because i'm a creative writer i see many flaws in your book.
1.The Books Tittle "Crystallization" is a bit of unappealing/unattractive to say the least.It doesn't strike a good first impression and makes it look like there wasn't that much thought put into it.
2.Over all the story line is very fascinating and i like its originality.But you've made some writing errors for example when ''master'' was explaining what happened to the village you phrased it as,"In the nearby village of Pinnolla pass there is a group of bandits that destroyed some of the barrier and were able to enter." you see the way you phrased it makes it look like there something missing.Instead you should've phrased it as,"...there is a group of bandits that destroyed/(broke through) a part/(portion) of the barrier that surrounds/(encircles) the village."Thus the information provided to the reader is complete and it doesn't give a sense of doubt in him enabling the reader to be apart of the manga.And that is just one example of the writing errors I've seen.just a piece of advise if you're seriously thinking of manga as a career, you have to make your writing as appealing and In-depth as possible. 3.Character design is very flawed and tells an editor or someone that can pick it up that there was not that much thought that went into it. For example master is wearing a crop top.So question why is she so ugly but has a nice figure and were's a crop top and those tight shorts? if its related to the story some how then its fine otherwise its a turn off and not a turn on,If that is what your after. Anyways I've run out of characters + i liked your story.❤❤
Recommendation for you
-
Recommendation
Strange and Wild
Fantasy 793k likes
-
Recommendation
Humor me
Slice of life 3.2m likes
-
Recommendation
Do You Even Witch
BL 4.7m likes
-
Recommendation
Autophobia
Romance 982.3k likes
-
Recommendation
The Little Trashmaid
Comedy 786.9k likes
-
Recommendation
Copper eyes
BL 1.1m likes
-
Feeling lucky
Random series you may like
Crystallization
2.1k views6 subscribers
In the country of Clans called Lamia there are five magic users. Reshawn, Zakia, Brent, Zach, and Faiza. They embark on the biggest mission they have ever been on. No one will be helping them and every decision could cost them their lives. Will they be able to complete the mission. Or will they make a mistake that could start the next war or worse lose their lives.
Comments (3)
See all