So I'm trying diary writing again. I'm to going to set myself goals to write every day cause i never do and it's just a waste.

Im 17 and i have no idea on what i want. I want to give up. Really really bad, but i cant. I made DDW my reason to keep going on but .... am i living for myself anymore? The thoughts are crazy and loud. But you already know that dont you. Honestly i can think of ways normal people wouldnt even consider. But then again what is normal. Not me.

I feel dangerous in my own skin and i dont belong here. I cant just tell mum and dad i need to be in a mental hospital... can i?

Found one just in case anyways. I never tell them how bad you are. The meds aren't working anymore and i just feel tired. Tire of myself and fighting with my thoughts. Fighting with you. It hurts to put a smile on. Who am i smiling for? No one 

Sometimes i think mum and dad wish I weren't here. DGW too. I mean ... it would make life a little easier on them, they can be a real family. With a dad that loves them and didnt leave. I'm just a sore thumb, all i do is disappoint. I feel alone in this world. But in reality I'm never alone. I have you and the other voices..

So many thoughts in such a little space.