It wasnt his fault.
Nothing was ever really his fault.
He cant help who he is.
The sweet loving boy, he was.
I fucked him up. I turned him into the monster he has become. All because i was falling in love with him. All because he was falling in love back.
It was the cutest thing watching him try to be a bad boy like me.
But it was never worth this
“Hey, Keep walking.”
Thats the Officer. Officer Max. I call him Max. “Yo, Max, can i get a visitor today?”
“You wanna see your little boy toy.”
“Fuck you Max, He aint no toy”
“Sure, call him you got 2 minutes”
Yeah, im in prison. I took the fall for the man i love. I know, it sound so cheesy. But i got him into all this. I shouldn’t have talked to him that day. I shouldnt have asked him out. I should have never gave him his first kiss. Now, i have to do time. Time for the both of us, all because i couldnt mention his name in court. All because i love him.
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“Whats your name?”
“Why do you care, Im not your type dude, keep moving.”
“Whoa, hey, first off, im gay. I dont like vaginas. They scare the shit out of me” He laughs, his laugh is just so cute! His beautiful smile. It lights up my day. Even though he doesnt know it yet, yet!
“Yeah, i guess so. My Name is Chad. Whats yours?”
“Ha, Well Chad, you have to guess my name.”
“Why?”
“Because, i think youre really cute..” I lean close to him. The kinda close that only young high school lovers get. He blushes and its the best thing ive ever seen. “...And you cant know my name. Im bad for you Chad. Right now, im doing a bad thing, I will kiss you, i will be stuck in your brain forever, but ill be gone. The kinda things i do i dont want you involved in. You dont even know me yet but, you, are important to me.” I lean in and kiss him. He kisses me back. He has the softest lips.
“What if i give you a nickname, and you come buy coffee once a week. I’d like to get to know you. I’d like to know the guy who thinks im cute.” Now im blushing. But this isnt a good plan. I should tell him no, i have to tell him no. But his eyes. They are killing me. I cant say no to him. Not after he already accepted the fact that i cant tell him my real name.
“What are yu gonna call me? Nothing stupid like Babe, or baby. No thanks.” He looks at me very carefully. As he looks, i can feel my cheeks turning amber. Why does he do this to me. How does he do this to me?
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“Ecstasy!” He runs up and hugs me. Its been two weeks since ive seen him. I can tell he has been crying. He was never the strongest person.
“Chad, calm down. How are you?” He gets a little teary. “No tears chaddy, you will be okay. How is Molly, the cat.”
“Oh Ecstasy, Molly misses you. She sits at the door all day waiting for you to come home. Its so sad doing anything now that you’re not there. Your sister keeps trying to make me go shopping but, i cant. I….”
“ Chad dont start with the tears, please. You know i will start to. You are gonna be okay chad. Ill be out in a couple of months.” He looks at me really aggravated.
“You wouldnt be in here if i didnt…..”
“Shut up. You better not say anything. If i didnt come into that damn coffee shop, if i didnt let you fall in love with me. We cant talk about all these if’s. You cant open your mouth. If i can barley walk in here, you wont be walking in at all. You wont make it. I cant even stand to be here. Im losing my mind chad.”
“Ecstasy, im sorry. I know. I know you saved me. I love you for that. I love you so much. How is the food?”
He wipes his tears away. I laugh at him. “The food? The food here kinda sucks. But i mean at least i get to eat.”
“Thats good Ecstasy.”
“TIMES UP! Lets go Carlos.” Chad gets up and he wraps me in his arms. He stands there and hugs me. I feel tears leaving my eyes. God i love him.
“I love you Chad. Stay strong for me”
“Carlos Mendoza, I love you too, and ill wait here for you till your back in my arms!”
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“You want to call me Ecstasy? You know thats a drug?”
“Yes, im not stupid. Youre telling me that youre bad for me. But you also just said that id want you. Just like a drug. So, Ecstasy it is.” He is so adorable. Why do i have to say yes to him. This is ridiculous.
“Okay Chad. Ill be back. Next week. Wednesday?”
“ Wait, Ecstasy….can you, stay here tonight? I’ll close early. I’d like to talk to you some more.” Say no. Mendoza, you better say no. You know you will fall for him. You know its to dangerous.
“Yeah, ill stay the night…..But let me warn you, im a cuddler and id love to wrap you in my arms.” He giggles and locks the coffee shop door and he looks at me. He looks at me in the way as in, follow him. So when he turns away, i follow.
“First question, How long have you liked me?”
“For a couple months now. I like to come in here and watch you work. Ive been fighting myself about talking to you. My sister gets mad at me. She came with me once, and i told her how much i wanted to talk to you. She looked at me and said i should. Said i should talk to you, love you. That i should get out of this bull shit that im in.”
“What are you in?”
“Chad, im not a good guy, and i probably shouldnt be telling you this because you could get hurt, but me and my sister were raised in a gang. Not by choice either. Our father was one of the toughest guys in the gang, and i can back out. I can leave. On one condition…”
“What is that?”
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