Sometimes I think, "what is my purpose?"
Why am I here? Would people actually mind if I faded away?
These voices occur when I least expect it.
last week, my teacher gave me money to buy food cause I had not eaten all day
So, I wrote her a thank you letter, saying how much I appreciated it and how much I did not deserve such acts of kindness.
So the next day things went down hill in my emotions.
My teacher came up to me at lunch the next day saying " Do not ever say you do not deserve anything, you deserve everything."
Of course all I did was smile and say thank you.
" you do not deserve anything," my emotions and brain said, "No one really cares".
I panic, and run to the bathroom, hiding in the big stall.
several other people are in there, I try my best to not make a big scene.
So, I was in there hyperventilating, then the floor became black and fuzzy.
I squatted and put my head on the wall, crying.
I heard the bell, and went into Spanish class.
She asked us what we were feeling I answered
"Estoy Deprimedo"(I'm depressed).
The teacher looked sad and asked me I replied with only a small sad smile.
Later at the end of class she comes up to me and asks "Are you ok?"
Instead of answering correctly, I break down crying. She hugs me and says
" its ok, it will pass, I love you."
My heart felt like it was breaking slowly after she said that.
Because how can I mean so much when I feel useless?
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