My life was always different compared to others in many ways but it was normal to me, but when I started communicating with you my whole life changed but what I was still trying to figure out was whether it changed for the better or worse, because I felt something different towards you that I never have felt for anyone else ever in my life.
Ka-klunk! Te-tling. Home at last. When I saw the stack of letters waiting for me I instinctively went through them until I saw the handwriting I knew all too well. Seeing the name of who it was from brought a smile to my face that I didn’t even notice. I took the letter and went to comfortably sit on my soft, plush couch. Carefully I opened it and started reading the letter from my favourite person.
‘ Dear Christopher,
They did it again. They keep doing these cruel things to me. They steal my stuff, call me names and write demeaning things on my locker like queer, cock sucker, sissy and faggot, they beat me up with any oppurtunity that they can get and even lock me in closets telling me I should have stayed in there. Everytime this sort of thing happens, the more I wonder why I put up with it by being alive. I find myself more often than not thinking about how much better it would be if I were gone. It’s not like anyone would miss me except for you of course, but if I were dead I would finally be able to be free and at peace. So why shouldn’t I just die, there aren’t many reasons for me to stay alive anymore, so why not just end it all?
As you already know, my family think I’m a disgrace, so they have kicked me out with very little and pretend that I don’t exist, living happily without me. I have a low pay job, I live in an old run down, small apartment that has leaks and cracks everywhere you look. I have no friends, no family, not a single person who cares about and supports me here. Instead, everyone either harases or bullies me or pretends that I don’t exist. I’m not smart and there isn’t anyone who loves me so I have no future of any kind ahead of me, neither with my career or personal life. At times like these I truly wish that you didn’t live over 10,000 miles away, because then I would at least have someone who cared for me close by, but alas, life isn’t that kind to me.
Maybe if you were closer to me you could stop me from doing this, it's not like anyone else would. I know that you are going to be angry at me for doing this, but I hope that you can eventually forgive me. I know that you love me even though we have only communicated through letters so I have to tell you something before I end it all. I love you too. You are the only reason why I have held on to life for this long, but now it is too much for me and I have to let go now to be free. Don’t try to stop me because it is already too late. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me and find happiness. And so for the last time, goodbye Christopher.
Eternal Love, Elliot ’
My heart stopped, tears were rolling down my cheeks and my throat was closing up. I gasped for air when I weeped “ELLIOT! YOU IDIOT! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! YOU CAN’T, YOU JUST...can’t.” I shot up from the couch, bolted to my room, hasty grabbed my emergency overnight bag and made my way to the airport.
Elliot, I don’t care if you told me not to stop you, because like hell I’m going to let you die without at least trying to save you from yourself. Because if I didn’t I would never be able to live with or forgive myself.
I booked the first plane out from London to Sydney. The long lines, putting bags on conveyor belts, walking through body scanners and checking of passports felt never ending. It was the longest twenty-eight hours of my life and I barely slept a wink. Once I was free from the final security in Sydney I took a taxi straight to Elliot’s apartment. Tapping my feet, biting my nails. The car ride was excruciating. I was so worried and sleep deprived that I couldn’t stay still.
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