After waking up in a cold sweat again, my eyes darting around the room looking for a danger that hadn’t been there for almost a year, I tried to force my heart to calm. Unsuccessful and feeling like the walls of my bedroom were forcing themselves closer on me, I decided to make a quick dash for my bathroom, barely sparing a glance to my surroundings to answer the endless need to feel clean once again. Throwing the lock to the door closed and turning the light on, I pressed my back against the door - pinning my wings in the process - and stared at the image in the mirror. Wild brown eyes stared back from a face that felt so familiar and yet seemed so distant from the person I remember. Red hair fell limply to my shoulders in clumps from where I had obviously thrashed about the bed during my nightmare. My skin seemed so pale and lifeless, the freckles across my nose enhancing that appearance. Unable to look at the mirror any further in case my eyes drifted towards the scars across my body, I forced myself to turn the shower on and to stand underneath the scalding heat. It took a while until I felt clean enough to function, my heart finally returning to a normal rhythm.
I hated that I woke up like this every morning, an unending desire to try and return to who I was before and knowing that would never happen. Stepping out and wrapping a towel around myself, I finished in the bathroom. Feeling more normal, I shook my wings to get the worst of the moisture off and returned to my bedroom. In my haste to get to the bathroom, my brain hadn’t noticed the sunlight that was starting to stream into my bedroom. Glancing at the clock that hung across from my bed, I noticed that it was nearly 8am which is later then I usually woke up and if I wanted to be alone in the basement training room I needed to hurry up and get dressed. Moving across the sparse bedroom to my wardrobe, dutifully not looking at the crisscrossing scars I would see stretching across my left side from my shoulder to my waist in the mirror inside the door of the wardrobe, I selected the clothes that would cover my scars the best without hindering my wings.
The deep blue shirt that was a soft material and was reinforced across the chest with supple leather to add more protection in a battle. Being a woman made it slightly more awkward to zip it up and I appreciated that the tailor added some more support to the chest area to pin my boobs in place. Zipping up the back making sure my wings fitted comfortably through the wing slits, I also snapped into place the halter type neck piece to hold up the extra support. The black pants I picked were like a well-worn supple pair of jeans but had all the movability of yoga pants. As I was doing the universally known wiggle into the pants, one of my closest friends and adopted brother Hawk decided that my bedroom door did not constitute a proper boundary and walked in without knocking.
Hawk’s words stopped me in the process of buttoning up my jeans and reminding him for the umpteenth time that knocking was the social norm.
“You had another nightmare which Flint is feeling responsible for and Dad has called a meeting in 1 hour.”
I stared at Hawk after his succinct description of events. His eyes were a yellow colour that made it difficult to tell what he was feeling. Not that I was entirely sure he felt things quite the same as the rest of us. He was incredibly logical to the point he seemed cold and detached from emotions. Those that knew him the best knew that he did feel emotions, it was just that those emotions were limited to certain people and he always tried to rationalise them as he wasn’t sure how to express them correctly. His black hair was cropped short to his head as apparently that was more beneficial in a fight. He was the shortest of my brothers but was still tall at 6 foot. He was lean but you could still tell that he was all muscle. He held his wings in close to his body, the white feathers denoting him as non-archangelic at the top with his royal blue and bright yellow primaries at the bottom representing which angelic Pillar he gained abilities from. My own wings were similar except from yellow I had crimson red primaries.
“Flint’s an idiot then. Him and Raphael are the only reason I am still here breathing.” I sighed, nodded, then continued, “I’ll go speak to him.”
Walking up to Hawk, I gave him a tiny side hug which he awkwardly tried to return and went to find my second adopted brother before I had to track down Clay – my 3rd and thankfully last adopted brother – from whatever female’s bed he’d warmed the night before.
Leaving my room, I walked down the hallway that held the doors to our 4 bedrooms and into the shared kitchen of our apartment. I’m not sure what the other angelic apartments in the Protection Pillar looked like but ours was… colourful. Our bedrooms were all coloured in similar patterns to our individual wing colours and that colour exploded into one in the kitchen and living room. Splashes of blue, red and green lined the walls in an abstract pattern whilst the floor was a soft grey. White furniture and units were abundant throughout the entire apartment. It was behind the white marble effect centre island in the kitchen that I found Flint. His back was to me as he angrily whisked a bowl of batter. White wings with royal blue and emerald green primaries were held tight to his back, further indicating his mood. I could imagine the hurt in his green eyes which he was trying to hide by keeping his tousled brown-haired head over the bowl. Knowing he’d not want to talk in the mood he was in, I simply walked up behind him till I reached his side and without trapping his wings gave him a gentle hug.
Without letting go, I murmured, “I don’t think I ever thanked you. It’s been almost a year, and I never thanked you three for freeing me. I won’t lie, it’s been hard Flint but the one thing that got me through it has been you, Hawk and Clay. If not for you and Raphael, I wouldn’t even be here alive. If nightmares are the price for being alive and here with you lot, then I’ll gladly take them. So please, stopping blaming yourself.”
During my speech, Flint had put the bowl and whisk down on the counter and had turned around, so he could hug me back. Despite being the most physically intimidating of my brothers at 6 foot 6 and built like a linebacker, he was the gentlest. With him whispering and naturally soft spoken, I had to concentrate to hear what he said.
“You never need to thank us for coming for you Autumn. You are our sister. We will always come for you, like you would for us. I blame myself when I hear you scream during the night because despite my powers to heal the body, I am unable to heal the scars of the mind. This inability… chaffs, I am unfamiliar with failure and I’m failing someone close to me.”
During his confession, I felt my heart break at the pain in his voice at being unable to help me further. A cough sounded from behind us and alerted us that we weren’t alone in the kitchen anymore. I was so focused on Flint that I hadn’t realised two more people stood in the kitchen with us. Turning my head to see them, I noticed that Hawk had found Clay for me and they both stood next to each other with barely leashed anger and distress in their eyes. Clay stood next to Hawk looking like the epitome of the bad boy your mothers warned you away from. Slightly taller than Hawk but not quite reaching Flints height, Clay was lean but had built up more muscle then Hawk, relying on pure strength in a fight. His hair was cropped short on the sides and slightly longer on top and a steel grey colour that was a few shades lighter than the grey primaries that were in place of my red ones. Usually nothing put Clay in a bad mood as he was such a goof, but I could see the rage in his blue eyes. A barbell piercing through his left eyebrow completed his image. His usual gravelly voice was even deeper as he spoke.
“Thank us? We don’t need or want thanks Autumn. We’ll always come for you. And if you ever mention thanking us again, I’ll…”
“You’ll what Clay?”
“I’ll…. eat all your chocolate from your secret stash.”
Pointing my finger at him and wagging it, I threatened him for bringing my chocolate into this.
“You touch my chocolate and I’ll tell Dad you were the one that drunk his favourite bottle of whiskey that he saved for the Archangels.”
We all stood stunned that such a serious topic turned so stupid before we all burst out laughing. Both Hawk and Clay strode over to surround me in more hugs as we still all chuckled. As I was stuck in between them, I vowed to myself that no matter what, I’d do my hardest to stop my time in that place having a hold on me anymore. Not just for me, but for them as well.
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