There was once a child who loved vampire stories. They would read everything about them and come up with new and interesting powers for the vampires to possess. A lot of the powers were outlandish (but not so far as making their shin sparkle) and made little sense to anyone but the child, but still, they loved the vampires that they came up with. The child began making stories up of vampires that usually contained other supernatural creatures. They went through a very large stage where they were obsessed with angels and then, shortly after, werewolves, but always the love for vampires remained unchanged in the child's mind. This story stems from that child's weird view on vampires. And since the child's grown up counterpart hates the summary that was typed for the child's story they wrote this intro paragraph.

In other words...

This is a story I wrote when I was really young. I found it and left it largely unchanged. So you're seeing what I wrote as a young kid.