I awoke, still dazed after another death. Again, in that dark place where I always return when I perish. The silhouettes of the lights wandered on the horizons of a perpetual and dark void, like stars showing me 'memories' fleeing from me.
Always this damned place.
I think, I dive, I delve into the murky depths of my memories that dissolve before me for centuries, losing identity with each death. It's as if it were a cruel twist of fate, a feeling of helplessness that consumes me, a creature at the mercy of the tides of time, with no control over its own life—or lives. Amid the fog of fragmented memories, I find myself in a spiral of absolute frustration.
I feel like I have never truly been alive all this time, I reflect on every time I come back here, I see that these lives have no meaning... they are just a slaughterhouse that corrodes my sanity with each slaughter.
The feeling of lightness covers my non-existent body in this place... my hands, feet, wings, any limb I might have had was replaced by black or invisible liquid.
Nothing makes sense in this place. I sat in that anguished abyss and screamed, "I want out, I can't take it anymore! End this, please, let me die for good." but only incomprehensible buzzing came out.
No law, absolutely none, governs this environment, this empty and infinite corridor could be someone's dream, a whimsical place representing whatever state their subconscious is in... but for me, it is a hellish cycle that has become my nightmare with each awakening.
I looked up when a faint dripping noise began, catching my attention with a quick tinkling. A yellow fluid defying the mundane notion of gravity, rising instead of falling, came out of the ground of an absolute blue indistinguishable from black, stopping in mid-'air.'
The liquid contrasted with everything in this place: giving a kind of life in yellow color to an environment once dead, dark, and cold, it was tenuously replaced by a luminous orb right in front of me, growing as the drops joined its bright form, gaining body and strength.
Although it was something unprecedented, I was skeptical about the presence of the first light that bathed this desolate void.
The drops stopped, what seemed to grow more and more ceased. It grew to a limit: the size of a bowling ball. Its form cast a weak but warm light on the entire environment.
“Child, listen to what I have to say,” a calm and serene female voice echoed throughout the environment, filling my solitude with a strange calm.
The sphere, which was floating half a meter away in the air, landed on the black liquid, which began to reflect its uniqueness and contrast.
I tried to utter any word or phrase, but no sound came out. I wanted to speak, I wanted my voice to be heard—as a child wanting attention—any response, any one to alleviate my feeling of emptiness and desolation.
“I did not permit you to speak; I want you to listen to me,” the voice tinged the environment again, penetrating not my senses but my mind. Then she continued, leaving me calm yet apprehensive: “You don't remember how you got here, but I assure you it was necessary. This is your punishment, my ideal of justice,” she paused for a moment, “Each life, each soul, each being you reaped left a bitter scar on existence. You were a hero, loved by all, an example among your peers. However, you became corrupted by vengeance and hatred, abused your power, your strength, everything I gave you, to cause harm. What you were in your first life, before arriving here, was born to create, guide, value, love, and save. Yet, like many of your kind, you lost these objective goals... But you... You did worse, you became a weapon of destruction and annihilation. I didn't worry about all the killings and loss of purpose of your kind towards the 'lesser,' but you directly affronted me and became incorrigible. All of you will find an appropriate and proportional punishment to your sins when your free will ends and also a relief and a chance for correction.”
I tried to speak, this time my voice came out low and weak. I had no, couldn't, it was impossible to counter, I could only accept what this entity said... deep down, I knew it was the pure and raw truth.
“Forgive me, please, I was wrong,” I replied, trembling and defeated, on my knees before the entity with my most profound sincerity. Her benevolence was the only thing that could save me from this cycle.
The sphere flickered like water forming waves, maintaining silence. In the following moments, the ethereal orb began to sink into the dead black river, its glow disappearing until absolute darkness returned.
My hopes began to dissolve into a deep sense of despair, I tried to cry, I tried to scream, I tried to vent anything I still had inside me. Despite this, nothing came out, I had no body to vent my sensations, so the growing dismay did not overflow.
It seemed that all this would continue, that I would again go into the body of another random animal on a specific planet and persist in this misery of coming and going.
Relief hit me when I saw something growing from where the sphere disappeared, a kind of soil sprouted from the black liquid and began to grow slowly as everything around me transformed: roots emerged from everywhere, growing at a slow pace and taking the form of black trees. The most impressive thing was that stump of earth being enveloped by roots that began to glow blue within the black sea.
Gradually, a trunk began to emerge, twisting and winding around its own branch before branching into multiple branches. From these, leaves that radiated a golden glow grew, giving the tree an aura of incomparable beauty. Meanwhile, in the background of the scene, the white dots that previously dotted the scenery like distant stars faded, giving way to a yellow light. This light now illuminated intensely a corridor amid a swamp of leafless trees.
Golden sparks began to twinkle around the tree, weaving a golden ring around it. In an instant, the sparks condensed and shot towards me like a strong yet gentle wind, enveloping me in an aura of warmth and celestial light.
That voice that had left me returned: “Oh, child, this has been enough, or rather, almost. Enough of lives, where the meaning is vague, so many times feeling the sensation of death, this is about to end.”
I could not use words before the shining cedar or the entity it represents.
The female voice said, “Say something, I want to hear your wishes, despite knowing them.”
With the stabs of hope trying to break my rigid shell, I stood before the uncertainty and murmured, “I want to rest, I want to die once and for all, achieve nirvana and cease to exist... I'm sorry for everything.”
“Dear, despite everything, I forgive you, remember that above all. But many do not, many still hate you. I will reincarnate you one more time, one last.” She paused for a moment, and at that moment I noticed the entire space around us folding, bringing me closer to the tree.
“Why do I have to continue? Why one more?” I questioned.
The tree remained majestic, its form unshaken and without any disturbance, and replied, “There is still much hatred, disdain, anguish, and despair hidden in your soul. Try to be different, try to change in this last chance. Besides, the choice is yours, decide whether you will continue to tread life or fade away—it won't be hard to die, but surviving will be a great challenge on your journey. Free will is yours, kill yourself when you are reborn or live to the end for real.”
With each word in mind, I asked, “How can I change? This incessant cycle has turned me into a cold shell, almost without emotions, a being drowned in traumas and scars. Not even my own memories belong to me. I am lost in a depressive labyrinth, not knowing where to start finding my way out.”
The glow emanating from the entity's leaves intensified even more when she spoke again: “You have forgotten the value of life, you no longer see the beauty in it. However, that will change. You will choose to continue treading life and, once again, feel the fear of death, the fear of leaving those you love behind.”
“How can I change? I no longer feel appreciation for life. Can the mere existence of an irrational creature really make me feel truly alive?” I questioned, confused by her statement.
She countered, “The lives you have lived are different from the one you will live now. So many superficial lives cannot guarantee you a sense, but this time, you will have something that even in your first life you didn't have. In the end, it will be you who will decide what to do in your Last life, so be wise when deciding what is best. Do you have any other questions? I know you do.”
There were many, the possibility of answering my accumulated doubts: knowing everything that led me here in detail, who this entity is, and to which life I am going now. However, before I said anything, she interceded. “Forget the past, it no longer exists. My identity, at some point, you will know. About life, you will only discover when you give meaning to your own life, I am not the one who will guide you, much less protect you, you are responsible for your choices.”
She continued: "There is not much more to tell you now, maybe in the future when we meet again. It is time to go, remember, living is not easy, but also rewarding. Feeling alive and satisfied has no price. However, you will face many challenges until then: fight, kill, love, cry, protect, deal with losses, get up and persist. The ground is not your place, so resist. No one said it would be easy, after all, see your existence with new eyes and find happiness."
Everything around me began to darken, and in the end, behind the shining cedar, the intense yellow light began to distort and fill the entire corridor. The branches of the tree flattened as if the world were being swallowed by a golden black hole. I tried to speak one last time, tried to shout, but it was in vain: "Wait! I'm not yet..."
From all sides, my consciousness heard an echo: "ALIGN, LIVE."
I opened my eyes in complete darkness, only hearing voices, grunts, and noises of a body... I am inside a...
Inside a living being.
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