1736, Somewhere in the Caribbean

Captain Montgomery Montgomery stood in front of the mirror and looked deeply into his reflection. The silk ribbon holding his hair back was tied into a perfect bow. The Captain wouldn’t know how to do something like that, a servant probably did his hair for him. Brushed the lint off his uniform jacket. Rubbed rouge onto his cheeks. Lawrence had seen a guy reapply Captain Montgomery’s lip gloss for him, it was a real thing.

“Now that we’re alone…” Captain Lawrence plopped onto Montgomery’s bed. The mattress sat in a nook beneath the windows, and the wood creaked from the force of the pirate captain jumping onto it. “Your Quartermaster gave me a stink eye as he walked me down here. I think he’s jealous that I’m sleeping with you. I thought you were going to talk to him?” 

Montgomery tugged the skin around his eyes. “I think I’m starting to get wrinkles.”

“You aren’t listening to me at all, are you?”

He wasn’t even looking at him, Montgomery was staring at his reflection. “You know, some Captains have assistants hold big umbrellas to shield them from the sun. It’s standard practice, but I didn’t want to be one of those guys.”

“One of what?”

“You know, the umbrella type. Spoiled rich guys who join the navy just so they can brag about it. Not like me, who joined to make a difference in the world.” Montgomery scrunched his face and examined the lines on his forehead. “I didn’t bring an umbrella because I wanted to show the men that I stand in the sun all day just like they do. I want them to know that I’m different from other captains. I’m accessible, Lawrence.”

“You’re doing important work,” Lawrence stretched. Montgomery’s bed was so large that Lawrence could extend both arms and legs and not touch the walls of the nook. The mattress was stuffed with the finest feathers and the blankets were made of soft cotton. Montgomery was totally one of those guys.

Lawrence turned to look at Montgomery. “You haven’t looked away from your mirror since your Quartermaster brought me in here.”

“Oh, Lawrence, I’m sorry! I promised I’d stop doing this…”

“You did!”

“I’m sorry!” Montgomery’s heeled shoes clicked against the hardwood floor as he walked towards the bed. 

Lawrence propped his head on his elbow and looked at him. Montgomery’s blue uniform was perfectly pressed, and the polished buttons glinted in the light from the window. He stood in stiff parade rest across from the bed. He was always like that. He couldn’t relax, even in the bedroom.

Lawrence sighed. “Sometimes I feel like you’re only dating me because we’re the two hottest people we know.”

“What? No.” Montgomery looked down at his shoes.

Lawrence looked also. “There’s a little scuff on the buckle. You should have your steward flogged.”

“Hmm, funny. My quartermaster does my buckles.”

“Does he really?” Lawrence laughed. 

“I know it’s bad to encourage his affections, but that man has a knack for dressing. Look at this bow!” Montgomery turned around so Lawrence could see the ribbon holding his ponytail back.

“I was admiring it earlier,” said Lawrence. 

“The ribbon is European silk. I only buy ethically sourced products.”

“I can’t believe I’m dating you.” Lawrence rolled his eyes. “I think the less we talk, the better our relationship is. Unless it’s role play! I’ll be the pirate and you can be the navy captain in charge of the pirate reform program.”

Montgomery slouched, just for a second. “Oh, Lawrence, I don’t want to play reform program tonight. My bosses have been on my back about the program, they want to know why it’s cost so much money and the results have been so meager.”

“Meager? I think I’ve made a lot of progress in your reform program.” If by ‘progress,’ he meant ‘scorching hot love making,’ then yes, they’d made lots of that. Tons.

Always conscious about his appearance, Montgomery smoothed the front of his uniform jacket. He’d slouched for a couple seconds and it creased the wool. “I thought the program would have more participants by now.”

“If you get more participants, would you start sleeping with them, too?”

“Please don’t joke about this. The pirate reform program is my baby, Lawrence.”

“I’m trying to figure out what you mean by that. Something you committed to before you realized how much work it was going to be?”

It had been a couple minutes since he looked at himself, and Montgomery couldn’t resist any longer. He craned his neck so he could see the mirror. “Be completely honest, am I getting wrinkles?”

No, he was not. But encouraging Montgomery’s insecurities was one Lawrence’s indulgences.

Montgomery looked at himself in the mirror, then back at the pirate captain. “Be honest, I want your most authentic opinion.”

Lawrence hated the way Montgomery said ‘authentic.’ He pretended to examine his face. “A little bit, around your eyes.”

“Oh, I knew it!” Montgomery ran to the mirror. “I should have been standing beneath an umbrella this whole time! What was I thinking?”

“Even I have an umbrella on the Boattega.”

“Do you really?”

No, Lawrence did not have an umbrella on his pirate ship. “My Quartermaster holds it for me.”

Montgomery was almost crying. Almost, because tears would streak his rouge. “Even the pirates have umbrellas! Ugh, this is a disaster.”

“What do you mean ‘even the pirates…?’”

“I wonder if the damage to my face is reversible…”

Lawrence was done. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it across the room. Light from the setting sun filtered through the window and danced across his bare skin. 

Whereas Montgomery was delicate perfection, Lawrence was bronze chaos. Cheap tattoos covered his broad chest and muscular arms. A cluster of mismatched chains hung around his neck, silver, gold, and pearl that he’d stoled over the years. He was the kind of guy rich kids banged to piss off their parents. Montgomery vacillated between trying to impress his dead father and attempting to make him proud. He was dating a pirate captain instead of going to therapy.

Lawrence got his attention. “Get over here! This is the only part of our relationship that actually works.”

“Yes, Captain!” But instead of pouncing on the man in his bed, Montgomery took a few steps backwards, towards the door. “First, I need to talk to my Quartermaster about the umbrella. Every day I’m in the sun I’m damaging my face.”

“Montgomery! Seriously?”

He kept walking backwards. “Just let me pass a message to my steward! One second!”

“One second.” Lawrence began unbuttoning his pants. 

Montgomery stuck his head out of the door and yelled for his steward. His booty call could wait, maintaining his perfect skin was a priority. His looks were all he had, except from his investments, inheritance from his father, extensive wardrobe, massive dong, and his charming personality.

Lawrence pushed his pants down his hips while Montgomery quickly explained the umbrella thing to his steward. “…Tell my quartermaster to have it ready for tomorrow.”

The pirate captain tossed his pants at the door. “Montgomery!”

The pants hit the wall next to the door. The steward, confused, looked at his captain. 

“Make haste! And thank you!” Montgomery shut the door, and turned towards Lawrence. “Now where were we? The only part of our relationship that actually works, huh?”