If Jiang Mian had known that today’s trending scandal would send her life spiraling into chaos, she would’ve at least brushed her hair.
Unfortunately, destiny doesn’t wait for hair ties.
She sat cross-legged on her creaky bed, wrapped in a unicorn-printed blanket, holding her phone like it was a holy relic. Her face was caked in a green avocado mask, eyes squinting through dollar-store reading glasses, and a half-eaten pineapple bun was clinging to life on her pajama sleeve.
On her phone screen?
#ActorLuZeyuCaughtCheatingWithCousin’sWife
“...Hoooly drama llama,” she muttered, sucking boba through her oversized straw. “I knew his jawline was suspicious.”
She scrolled.
Scandal. Receipts. Leaked messages. A grainy CCTV footage of someone kissing someone beside a potted plant.
This was what Jiang Mian lived for. Not love. Not ambition. Not even protein.
Just hot, juicy celebrity gossip served with sides of betrayal and public apologies typed in iPhone Notes.
As a full-time freelance designer (read: unemployed by choice), she had time. All the time. Time to zoom into blurred screenshots, analyze timestamps, and read 3,000-comment threads on Weibo without blinking.
Today, however, her melon-eating hobby turned into a nightmare.
Because in her excitement, she typed:
“This dog of a man really thought he could eat from two bowls with one pair of chopsticks? Go home, Lu Zeyu. Your karma’s already in line with a baseball bat.”
Then, she hit send.
She waited for the dopamine.
Waited…
...And then noticed the glowing blue checkmark next to her name.
[@JiangMian_Designs] ✔️
“Wait wait wait—WAIT—” She screamed, launching herself out of bed. Her pineapple bun flew in one direction. Her phone in another. The blanket wrapped around her legs betrayed her like Lu Zeyu betrayed his cousin.
CRASH.
Jiang Mian landed face-first on the floor with all the elegance of a falling dumpling.
By the time she scrambled back up and found her phone under the cat’s litter box, it was too late.
[🔥 Trending #2]: “Graphic Designer Calls Actor a Dog with Chopsticks”
[Netizens]: Who is Jiang Mian? Industry insider? Spicy auntie? Hero we deserve?
Her comment had 50k likes, 5k shares, and her inbox had exploded.
[Private Message – Verified Account: "MistyBlue PR Agency"]:
Are you open to doing interviews?[Private Message – "FanGroup_ProtectZeyu"]:
You bitter old hag, go eat expired durian!!![Private Message – "Anonymous"]:
How did you know about the cousin’s wife? Are you the cousin’s wife???
Jiang Mian blinked.
“...I just wanted to eat the melon. Not become the melon!!”
She hadn’t even finished her milk tea and now she was trending. This was not the kind of fiber she signed up for.
Then, her phone buzzed again.
This time it was a bank notification.
[¥10,000 received from “Zeyu Studio”]
Attached:
“Please stop talking.”
Jiang Mian stared at the screen, stunned.
“...HUH?”
Next Door
Lu Zeyu, the icy film emperor known for his deadpan roles and even deader dating history, paced in his luxury condo while holding his phone like it was radioactive.
“Why is she trending?! I’ve never even met this woman!”
His manager panicked. “She called you a dog with chopsticks. It’s poetic. The public thinks it’s an inside source.”
Lu Zeyu growled, “Pay her off.”
“But what if she says more?”
“Then hire her.”
“…As what?”
“I don’t know! Hire her as my... public image consultant!”
Back to Jiang Mian’s Apartment
Jiang Mian’s doorbell rang.
She peeked through the peephole and almost fainted.
Outside stood a serious-looking man in a suit, holding a contract.
Behind him... Lu Zeyu. Sunglasses. Mask. Hoodie. Looking like a failed K-pop trainee trying to buy tampons in secret.
Jiang Mian opened the door slowly. “What—what is this?”
Lu Zeyu pushed up his sunglasses dramatically. “You work for me now.”
Jiang Mian looked down at her avocado face mask, cat-print pajamas, and still-squished pineapple bun.
“…I think you have the wrong person.”
He held up his phone with her comment highlighted in bold.
She shriveled like lettuce left in the sun.
“…Okay, maybe I am that person.”
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