To anyone reading...

This is Werdum... Werdum Clauss

It has been... A long time since I've written anything on a piece of paper or a journal. You'll have to bear with me here as I'm getting back into it...

I just need to compose myself again... I just need to focus on what I want to talk about... It's easier than you might think for me. My mother used to say that journaling is the "gateway to the heart", a way to ease the soul...

My father never believed her. He was a physical man, steaming all his frustrations with violence. I ended up being the bearer of what I can only describe as "bad tantrums" from him.

Okay, enough about him... Enough about me. 

I want to talk about where I lived... Contraband.

Everyone in the Metropolis of Contraband lived in fear. 

You could have been blessed in a rich family, or a lineage of warriors that fought for peace in our country. No matter who you were...you would still be touched by it, consumed by it...the fear. 

Such a beautiful city Contraband was, however. No matter how much you were afraid, you could at the very least look at a bright blue sky as you went about the day, while the sight of the community church and the colourful cast of citizens bathed in the light of the sun. So majestic and profoundly happy this was. A true symbol of prosperity...

I loved my city so much...

And yet...this monster... this unbelievable terror....This fear.

This machinery of pain and destruction just appeared in Contraband like it was its playground. This four-legged metallic madness that strummed about as it projected flames of impossible quantities had been at it for days... It was a Goliath. It was casting its massive shadow onto the city, blocking the light from blessing us with tranquility. Every step it took was slow and dreadful but made such an atrocious impact. It felt like an earthquake was on the loose every time he marched towards our demise. Sometimes, it wouldn't even bother moving. It would just stand there for hours, until it resumed its rampage.

Us knights of Contraband were immediately tasked with taking care of the machine. Sadly, all kinds of artillery you could think of; catapults, canons, etc., without forgetting the most powerful mages in our forces and everything we got in our guts, was all in vein. We barely scratched the damned thing before we had to evacuate everyone...and even that was a lost cause.

...Why... Why did it smile?

This inhuman thing, with its four massive legs supporting the weight of its basic cylinder shape, smiled with an added touch of insanity. I couldn't see them from far away, but it had installed hundreds of thousands of weapons for self defence. Why? What was the use of all of those when all our squadrons were incinerated to ashes and we were already on the precipice of our downfall?

Thinking about this now makes me want to throw up. I haven't felt such rage in decades...

I despise everything Dr. Daigo stood for with every fibre of my being! You burned my city, my home, my FAMILY, MY FRIENDS!

YOU BASTARD!! EVEN IN MY NIGHTMARES YOU SMILE!! STOP SMILING, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

...

...You know...my commander, Michelle, saw me write those notes a lot back then. One day he came to me and told nonchalantly that I had a very bad tendency to write everything going on, up to the insignificant details. Thus, I was exposing my darkest thoughts on paper far too often. To be honest, as much as it offended me, he was right... He was on point even.

I don't have to place three dots everywhere on the text, nor do I have to write some parts in full capital letters. I was the only one reading these and that's not changing anytime soon. There's no need to add this sense of immersion...But I can't stop myself. It's like I'm waiting for an audience to find these notes and compile them. I don't get it... 

There's no point in getting anything these days...

Regardless, I can see I certainly missed the process of writing. The second I grab the pen back I immediately vomit all of this. I do feel a sense of relief, like I can finally let go of some things I've clang on to for ages...In the same spirit, I can list a lot of things I miss here:

I miss the clacking of iron left and right as I walk in the city with my shiny knight armour.

I miss putting one knee to the ground with my squadron as we salute our king.

I miss fighting monsters and slaying enemies with my comrades.

I miss expeditions to other landscapes, different regions of the world and exploring with my fellow knights...

Well, I guess I miss them more than anything. They were the only ones I knew that survived the fall... I don't have a single clue if others had to end up with us and, like most things now, that doesn't matter anymore. They all perished in the end...except me...

I escaped death...for far too long...

I remember vividly, even after all this time, what happened afterwards.

At that point, It was nighttime and there was absolutely nothing we could do. The city was already burnt to a crisp, and around 98% of our forces had either retreated or died. There stood only five foolish knights; Me, the commander, York, Branda and Usain. We were waiting for our turn to experience purgatory by the claws of that monster...

Then, one of my comrades, York, pointed towards the sky... About fifty flying ships were soaring above the ruins of the city. They were clearly bomb carriers. Diago had made such a mess that whatever country came to the "rescue" decided to pull the plug and destroy the whole town with it. There was no chance of survival, but Michelle still ordered us to find shelter in the debris. I can still picture my commander shouting out loud to get undercover while bombs were dropping in hot and I felt like I was about to lose consciousness. But no matter, I had to hide somewhere, anywhere, so I hid in a building that was crushed by rocks. I felt my heart race so fast it was going to explode. Despite the heavy armour, I managed to get under the infrastructure in time before I was blown to dust. I silently waited for a massive pack of explosions and for my last remaining brethren to scream one after the other as every blast vaporized us into nothingness...!

*BOOM*

Strangely, the first bang I'd hear seemed calm...like an object falling on the ground. My only theory was that the first bomb was very far from my whereabouts.

*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*

... The other sounds that came after didn't sound like bombs... They sounded more like heavy objects that simply landed around the city. What were those anyway? And why did the monster suddenly stop in its tracks? Was it confused on who to kill first? Was it taking another break?

After all of this, the floor started to tremble, before it all crumbled down into a pile of nothing. Not only did my squadron at the time made it safely, but we were now a few hundred feet deep. 

I...I knew then that my life wouldn't be the same...

...

Of all the things I would have loved to see at least one more time, it's my mother. Of all the things I listed, they don't compare to her...they can't possibly compare. She was a beacon of hope in my life. I used to miss my mother so much it was killing me... When the attack on Contraband started, I tried to evacuate as many citizens as I could until I heard my mom's house had crumbled in the assault. I wanted to get her out of the debris and...all I did was watch, frightened, as that piece of filth stomped on the whole area...

It all went downhill from there...

Not going to lie, I can't even think straight anymore. Writing all of this, remembering all of it is just...Why did I leave her to die there...? I could have helped her... Maybe... Big emphasis on maybe here.

Again, it doesn't matter anymore...

...

Hey...that was interesting. For now though, I'm taking a break... I'll maybe write more as time goes by... We'll see...Leaving breadcrumbs for imbeciles who dare try to find me and my hideout.

And for people who will read this in the future, if, by a smidgen of a chance, this note and others were thrown in some kind of book or encyclopedia or whatever... The author had better not have to come down here to get them. 

I wouldn't believe for a second that they made it back alive...