The beauty of a childhood friendship. One that lasts the tale of time. A friendship that blossoms into romance when you’re young. We all want a childhood sweetheart. Or at least I did. Until who I thought was supposed to be mine kissed me without asking, our entire friendship fell apart and then brought back together by our parents just before high school graduation only for him to leave again, his twin brother and my best friend the only people I had left after that. 

My own twin was entirely different from me, Phoenix loud and outgoing with hair as orange as a pumpkin and seafoam green eyes. My own hair was nearly white, a genetic quirk in my family and my left eye was a honey brown, the same as our father Sparrow. I had been born without my right eye, a condition called anophthalmia, and while I never knew any different people did tend to stare at me if I went outside without my eyepatch. The few things that made it clear Phoenix and I were twins was the small freckles across our noses, the fact our faces were the same shape, and the pale tone of our skin.

“Phoenix!” I shouted, slamming into the apartment we shared above our parents bookshop for the last three years, “Phoenix I am going to break your fucking leg!”

“Jesus christ what the hell did I do?” Phoenix laughed from the couch, his head in the lap of his fiance Cove who we had known since we were young, Phoenix’s childhood sweetheart.

“You hid the mail from me, you absolute dipshit!” I threw a cup and Cove caught it before it could hit Phoenix in the face, “Cove I will just throw another one.”

“I am well aware,” Cove rolled his eyes, “baby you need to get up so I can go to work.”

“But,” Phoenix whined, kicking his legs.

“But nothing. I don’t like it anymore than you do.”

Cove Palakiko was my truest and best friend. We had known him and his identical twin brother Ocean since we were four and spent nearly everyday side by side, a big group of four tearing through my parents house and being obnoxious. This changed after the fight between Ocean and myself that ended our friendship. We only managed to be friends again for a bit before we graduated high school. Now, I hadn’t heard from him in years, Phoenix and Cove moving back home during college and the military respectively. The only one who had never come back was Ocean and I had never once heard from him. I had dedicated my first published collection of poetry to him, hoping that after years of having feelings for each other he would finally admit that he loved me. But it was now five years after that book had been published and he had never returned.

Cove worked as an overnight paramedic in Nampa, about half an hour north of our tiny hometown of Melba, Idaho. Phoenix taught physical education at the high school and worked in the cafe in the afternoon so that I could take care of the bookshop connected to it, giving my parents the time to go home and relax together as they were the owners. I worked permanently in the bookshop, never having any plans to go anywhere else, even if this meant I felt as though my life had entirely stagnated.

“Any plans tonight?” Cove smiled at me as he grabbed his lunch from the fridge and I shook my head, sorting through the large stack of mail that came to the bookshop every day, “You’re 24. It's the peak time to go out and meet someone.”

“Leave.”

“Hyacinth…”

“Leave, Cove. Have a great day at work,” I continued to ignore him, watching from the corner of my eye as he rolled his own, walked over to kiss Phoenix, and left the apartment.

“Why are you being like this, oh younger sibling?” Phoenix hopped up, rushing into the tiny kitchen.

“Just having a bad day. Six years, Phoenix.”

“Ocean still hasn’t called?”

“Nope. Has he called you?”

“No. Well, he did email me from Scotland a few days ago. But that was to ask for the address of the bookshop. Figured he needed to mail something to Cove.”

“Ah. Could have asked me but whatever,” I muttered and Phoenix smacked me hard on the back of the head, “dude what the fuck?”

“You’re pouting! Cove is right. Go out. Meet someone. Have a little fling. Have some fun. When’s the last time you got laid?”

My entire face grew warm and I cleared my throat, staring at the envelope in my hands.

“Hyacinth?” Phoenix gasped and I dropped the letters with a groan, “holy shit you’re still a virgin?”

“Shut the fuck up, Phoenix.”

“That’s not a no. Little sibling…”

“While I appreciate the fact that you always ensure to not gender me as anything, I am two minutes younger than you. That’s it. So stop calling me little!”

Our father Sparrow had carried us for 8 and a half months, his plan to have his hysterectomy almost thwarted due to the fact that Phoenix and I were ready to make an early introduction into the world. However, they had made it to the hospital in time for Sparrow to have a c-section followed by gender-affirming surgery, his top surgery a few months after Phoenix and I were born. Phoenix loved to rub the fact they took him out first in my face and it never failed to piss me off. The one thing I was entirely grateful for was his use of proper pronouns for me. Always. I realized at 15 that I had never felt male but I also wasn’t female. I may have biologically had the parts that made people use he and him when referring to me, but I preferred the use of they and them as I was non-binary and had been told I was close to gender fluid by my therapist; my inflections and clothing changing based on the situation I was in. But my pronouns never changed. This had been a revelation for me as when I was home or at work in the bookshop I wore whatever I wanted. Jeans and sweaters or skirts, dresses, crop tops. Whatever I felt in the moment. I would sometimes wear a bit of makeup, add bright clips and headbands to my hair. Essentially, I would wake up and the first outfit that made me feel like Hyacinth that day is what I stuck with. However, when I went on press tours, met with my editors, and did book signings, I almost always wore what was considered male clothing. Slacks and button-up shirts with a tie. I would pull my hair into a bun, slicking it all back, and never shaved when I knew I would be in this situation, somehow managing to grow a small brown-toned beard. That was a shock when we realized that my facial hair and the hair on my legs and arms was a deep brown, meaning that more than likely my hair would have been as well if I hadn’t had the same gene as my great uncle's Alder and Oakley on my father Sparrow’s side. Phoenix took entirely after our father Thomas’ side of the family, the spitting image of Thomas and our grandfather Killian who was biologically Thomas’ father. We were nearly the same height as our grandfather on that side of the family, Theodore. My grandparents Shiloh and Killian could have been twins, both having bright red curly hair and pale skin but the main difference between the two of them was that Killian was an Irish immigrant, having come to the United States when he was thirty and met my grandfather Theodore a few years later, the two of them quickly marrying and having Thomas who was 18 years younger than my aunt Kennedy who was Theodore’s daughter from his first marriage. Our family line going back was insane and full of mixed couples but everyone loved each other truly. My grandparents Kai and Shiloh were my role models for love, Shiloh essentially waiting for Kai, waiting to have that true love before giving his body to him and I was following that model. Simply waiting.

“Fine. But really? You’ve never…”

“No.”

“But it’s so fun!”

“You’ve done it enough for the both of us,” I snorted, pulling my hair out of my face.

“You don’t know what you’re missing.”

Oh, trust me.

I do.

“Whatever. What are you doing tonight?”

“No idea. Probably head to the bar. Wanna come? Cove won’t be home until 5 so I can be sober when he gets here.”

“Um… okay. Just to keep you safe. You get crazy when you drink too much.”

“Awesome! Get ready and let’s go!”

“Fine,” grumbling, I headed to my room and threw open my closet, standing there for a while before grabbing my favorite light-washed jeans covered in white clouds and a white turtle neck crop top, throwing a trench coat over everything before pulling my comfortable shoes on, knowing we’d have to leave Phoenix’s car at the bar as I was unable to drive due to my vision. With having only one eye and the fact I wore glasses or contacts to be able to see anything, I legally wasn’t allowed to drive. I was fine with this as the idea was terrifying, unsure how I would manage and Phoenix was happy to take me places that I needed, “Nix? I’m ready.”

“You look cute,” he smiled, tying his shoes, “but take your hair down. It looks better that way.”

“Oh I forgot it was even up,” I laughed, pulling the knot out of my hair and fluffing it, “we really don’t look like siblings. Do we?”

“We do but not twins. It’s more fun that way. Oh hey,” he led me from the apartment after I grabbed what I needed, “how is the new book coming?”

“Bad. I ran out of things to talk about. My life has stagnated but I’ll get there. I always do,” smiling, I climbed into the car, nervous about going somewhere crowded but surprisingly grateful to have a brother who always forced me to go out with him.

Since the age of twenty, I have published 7 books, two of my poetry and five for children about gender, pronouns, and the different kinds of families. They were wildly popular and although my publishing company had received some hate from anti-LGBTQ+ groups, they continued to publish my work, telling me it was vital and important for children and families. I was incredibly full of pride, knowing I was helping people, and often received fan mail to my PO box, letters or drawings from children that I hung up around the bookstore.

“You’ll figure it out. Are you going to drink tonight?”

“Probably just one,” I yawned, resting in my seat, “I have to work tomorrow morning. I can’t get drunk if I need to keep an eye on you, plus my meds.”

“Ah, that’s right. I forget sometimes. You’re… doing really well now.”

“You mean “I’m so grateful you stopped cutting yourself and binging and purging, Hyacinth.” I know. Thank you.”

“Jesus you’re cynical,” Phoenix snorted, pulling up to the bar and we both climbed out, “come on let’s have fun!”

“I mean I probably won’t but I know you will. No flirting. You’re engaged.”

“Duh,” he yanked the door open and shoved me inside, “I wear my ring everywhere.”

Phoenix headed to the bar immediately and I took a seat at one of the tables, watching over the crowd of people inside. Most were older, regulars that had been coming here since before I was born. It was rare for anyone around my age to stay in Melba or move here as the population was under 700.

“Hey,” a deep voice popped up and I looked up from my cellphone to find an incredibly tall man with deep, wise brown eyes smiling at me, his canine tooth missing, and hair a beautiful copper blonde, “I’m Stevie.”

“Cool,” clearing my throat, I ran a hand through my hair, looking around for Phoenix who I found talking to a group of people I realized we went to high school with.

“Normally, someone gives you their name…”

“Oh. Not used to people in Melba not knowing me. Everyone knows my parents.”

“I’m not from here,” he shook his head and I realized there was a small accent coming from him, “I’m American but not from Idaho. Georgia.”

“Ah. Well. Hyacinth.”

“There’s no flowers here?” he sat down across from me and I crossed my hands in my lap.

“My name is Hyacinth.”

“Unique. Fitting. It’s lovely to meet you, Hyacinth. Stephen O’Ryan is my entire name.”

“Okay.”

“Not much of a talker?”

“No and uncomfortable. People tend to avoid me.”

“That’s stupid. We should all be nicer to each other.”

“Mhm,” I nodded as Phoenix came over, handing me vodka soda like I always ordered, “oh thanks.”

“Of course,” Phoenix patted my head.

“I… hadn’t realized you were on a date I’m so sorry,” Stephen started to leave and I burst out laughing, almost spilling my drink.

“That’s disgusting!” Phoenix gagged, “No we’re twins.”

“Huh?” Stephen stared, clearly confused, “twin brothers?”

“Siblings,” I shook my head, “I’m non-binary. But yes. Phoenix is my twin. We just look nothing alike. Phoenix, this is Stevie. Stevie, my twin and annoyingly older brother, Phoenix.”

“Charmed,” Phoenix purred and I pinched his leg making him jump, “I know I know. Fuck off,” he growled and stomped away and I shook my head, taking another sip of my drink.

“Sorry. He’s an idiot. Also engaged. Doesn’t stop him from flirting with anything with a pulse but he’s faithful.”

“Ah,” Stephen nodded and set his drink down, “I just didn’t want to be in the way.”

“Um… not to be rude but who dared you to come over here and talk to me?”

“Huh? No one. I saw you sitting alone and… well I like your hair so…”

“Let me guess you think I dyed it.”

“No. I can tell that you didn’t. The roots are the same as the rest. It’s not force blended to be the same. It’s also the same as your eyebrows. But, you have a bit of scruff,” he gestured to his jaw, “that’s dark. So it tells me that you have a genetic condition. It’s unique and I quite like it.”

“How…”

“I’m a hairstylist,” he laughed softly, “I only moved to Melba to help my brother take care of his kid. Well… I… okay I adopted my nephew but whatever I moved here to take care of him. So I live here now.”

“Oh… welcome to Melba then,” I nodded, looking down at the table.

He’s a nice man.

I wouldn’t mind making a friend…

“Guilt. Why?” Stephen leaned down to catch my attention and I sighed gently, finishing my drink.

“Do you believe in childhood sweethearts?”

“Of course.”

“Mine left. Moved to Scotland. Promised his parents he would come home someday and he… well… he hasn’t yet. But I refused to give up. He promised so I’ve been waiting and not meeting friends, not doing anything. Phoenix had to bully me to come out tonight. I didn’t want to. I just…”

“Hm. So you froze in time in the hope this person would come back and they haven’t yet so you feel guilty talking to anyone else because if he does then you won’t know what to do. But what if he never comes home and you waste your entire life waiting?”

“I’ve considered that. I’ve reached the end of waiting. It’s been 5 years. I knew he’d be gone for four at least because of college. Plus he had moved countries. So… I guess… it’s time to learn to move on.”

“I’d agree. Can I do something weird?”

“I suppose.”

“Hi, my name is Stevie,” he held his hand out and I laughed, slowly shaking it.

“Hyacinth Williams.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, Hyacinth.”

“Y… you too.”