Chapter One – My College Crush Is Getting Married

Lyn blinked hard as he checked the clock on the nightstand. The LED lights cut through the dark without giving a damn about his insomnia. Three AM – in two hours, he should be on his feet, ready to go for his morning run. Then a quick shower, an even quicker breakfast, and he’d be off to work looking as sharp as ever. Burning the candle at both ends never ends well, his boss Amber would scold him over and over, but Lyn didn’t feel tired. He felt as driven as the day he had passed the bar exam, and if he wanted to make partner before turning forty, sleeping shouldn’t be in the cards for the next decade.

Still, at times, when he woke up just a few hours before dawn, he couldn’t keep his thoughts at bay. His professional life was perfect; he put in the long hours, he reaped the rewards. Since he’d been promoted to mergers and acquisitions, his life had taken an even more interesting turn.

But that was his professional life. Regarding the other parts, Lyn couldn’t help feeling that something was missing. The ghost of a breath on his back reminded him that he wasn’t alone in bed. Once every three nights, on the dot, he was never alone in bed.

His fuck buddy shifted in his sleep, turning his back to him. He liked El; he liked him a lot, and they were great in bed together. But—

His phone screen lit up, another beacon in the darkness. He couldn’t sleep anyway. Lyn swung his legs over the edge of the bed and grabbed his phone.

For long seconds, he stared at it, wondering if he wasn’t seeing things. His insomnia could make him feel confused, his doctor had warned him, while advising him for the umpteenth time to get more rest.

Still, no matter how many times he blinked, the message was right there.

You’re a hard man to find, Lyn. But I knew it was you the moment I saw your name. Looking great, man. So damn sharp. Corporate law, huh? It’s been too long. Let’s catch up. By the way, I’m getting married. There’s no way I’m taking this big step without you present. What do you say? Give me a call.

For a moment, Lyn thought the room was tilting. He checked the message again. Now wasn’t the time to let anxiety get the better of him. The doctor had warned him that what he felt wasn’t a condition, but the result of too many black coffees and long hours. But it could develop into one if he wasn’t careful.

The doctor had never mentioned the possible treatment for getting contacted by your college crush after eight years only to learn he was getting married.

“Fuck,” he murmured under his breath.

Brad was always on his mind. He was one of the reasons for his insomnia. Although he hadn’t wanted to share such intimate details with his doc, Lyn had hinted there were things he couldn’t let go of.

You’re very driven, Lynton. A great trait for a lawyer, but a damn trap for a human being. You can’t stand losing, right?

Yep. The good ol’ doc was right about that one thing. Lyn couldn’t stand losing, and eight years ago, he’d lost in the most crushing way. He should’ve been more careful. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world if he’d just kept his mouth shut. What was that thing about being fearless to get what you want? Not without proper backup, or a plan B. He had rushed in blindly. And for eight years, he had lived with regrets.

He read and re-read the message. The only social media profile he kept was on a platform intended for professionals, but Brad had found him anyway.

Lyn was glad. He was mad, too, because Brad was getting married. But this was his chance to see Brad again. He wouldn’t mess up; he wouldn’t miss this chance.

He sighed and ran one hand over his face. The one-day stubble felt rough under his fingers. El told him he looked like a ruffian when he didn’t shave on weekends. Lyn liked how El’s eyes shone when he said stuff like that. They were good friends. But that was all.

“Up already? What time is it?” El said in a sleepy voice and threw one arm around Lyn’s waist.

“It’s early. Go back to sleep.” Lyn rubbed El’s arm in reassurance. He needed more time alone with that message, to go over every word and parse it for any shred of meaning that might have escaped him the first time he’d read it.

“You’re tense.” El moved behind him and began massaging his shoulders. Lyn groaned in pained pleasure. “Why do you keep checking your phone? Bad news?”

How could he describe the news he’d just gotten? “You could say that,” he admitted. “My college crush is getting married.”

El stopped massaging him for a moment. “Brad? That Brad? Well, is he marrying a gal or a guy?”

“What sort of question is that?” Lyn snorted. “A woman, obviously.”

The message didn’t say that. But there was no way Brad would have taken a trip to the wild side. The mere possibility was enough to open a large can of worms and make Lyn’s stomach clench tightly. No, but that couldn’t be.

“Well, at least you’ll have closure,” El said, patting his shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess,” Lyn replied, letting out another audible sigh. “Would you like to be my plus one?”

El didn’t say a word for several long moments. It was always comfortable to talk to El in the dark like this. Lyn had always found that it made him feel a lot more rested than plenty of other activities that were meant to put his mind at ease, like meditation and whatnot.

“Are you going to hate me if I give you more bad news?” El eventually said, most likely feeling Lyn’s attention trained on him and his lack of reaction.

“What bad news?” Lyn asked, modulating his voice to avoid any pitchy tones. He was quick to jump to conclusions when it came to bad news. He had learned to take his time first, learn what the news was before jumping the gun.

“We won’t be able to see each other like this anymore,” El said, sounding weary and regretful. “Mark asked me if I’d like us to go steady. I told him ‘yes’.”

“Mark? The guy with the goatee?”

“Yeah.”

“He seems nice.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he is nice.” Another awkward silence followed. “Are you mad, Lyn?”

“Mad? Because you found your better half? No way.” Lyn pushed himself up and walked over to the large window. His bachelor pad offered a nice view of the city, dormant, yet still alive at this hour. He shivered as his naked soles touched the hardwood floor. But lingering in bed with El after this little bombshell would feel wrong.

“Okay, not mad, but maybe jealous? A little, at least?” By the noises he was making, El was wrapping himself up in the sheets.

“Why would I be jealous?” Lyn rested his forehead against the cold glass and stared bleakly at the few solitary cars heading toward their unknown destinations at that hour. “We’re fuck buddies, El. I mean, we were until one minute ago. Fuck buddies don’t get jealous.”

“Wow, you’re harsh,” El commented.

“What would you like me to do? Or tell you? You know I’d never lie to you. I’m not going to start now.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” El agreed. “I should get an Uber.”

“At this hour? No way. Go to sleep and you can leave in the morning.”

“What are you going to do? Somehow, I don’t think you’re coming back to bed.”

“That would be weird,” Lyn admitted. “I like you, El. But now that you have a boyfriend, I’m not going to fuck you anymore.”

El let out a short, breathy laugh. “Is this your way of telling me I’m a whore?”

Lyn frowned. He was starting to get a headache. There was a reason why he didn’t do relationships. They were messy, complicated. With so much on his plate at work, he didn’t need this kind of complications. El seemed pretty reasonable, but now was proving how touchy he could be.

“Did I say that? Stop reading into my words. I promised you honesty, and you’re getting it.”

Although he couldn’t understand why El had come to him tonight and slept with him. The sex had been good. It was always good. The men who had passed through Lyn’s bed were usually pretty wowed by his technique. He was good at it. He was a great top. Their words, not his.

“Ask me why I came tonight when clearly I told Mark ‘yes’ before that.” El sounded petulant and vengeful. A bit like a child. Well, he was five years younger. Lyn had counted on that and on his lack of interest in becoming responsible to get him in bed. The hipster clothes and bleached spiky hair definitely contributed to it. But it looked like age or style choices had nothing to do with a person’s attitude toward commitment.

“Fine. Why did you come tonight, El? Are you going silent on me again?” Lyn insisted, once more silence followed.

“Because I hoped you’d tell me--” El started. “Ah, forget it. You’re right. You told me not to expect you to fall for me or any other stupid shit like that.”

“Jeez, aren’t you a little too old to throw a tantrum? When did I ever say anything like that?”

El laughed again, but hell, he didn’t sound amused at all. “Right. You’re perfect, Mr. Lawyer. You say only words that could never be used against you in a court of law.”

Lyn turned on his heel and walked over to the bed. He climbed onto it and pushed El against the headboard hard. He caught his smooth jaw and kissed him once on the lips. “I’m going to miss you, El. For real. Make sure Mark treats you right, okay?”

“Damn you, Lyn,” El complained, but the fight was gone out of him. “I’m going to miss you, too. You’re so damn good in bed.”

“I’m sure Mark is going to keep you satisfied,” Lyn said in an easy tone.

El sighed and pushed him away playfully. “Let me sleep, you insomniac. By the way, since it’s my last night here, can I hope for breakfast?”

“You’ll find juice and eggs in the fridge. Drop the key in the mailbox when you leave.”

El groaned. “There’s not one romantic bone in you, Lyn. Fine. I’ll do that. Now go. Stalk Brad on social media, check out his wife. You know you want to.”

For the last eight years, he’d felt tempted so many times. But he had never given in to temptation. Brad’s life wasn’t his business. But El had a point. If he was going to attend the wedding, he needed to learn what he was walking into.

***