Hello there, I'm not important in people's opinions but I am somehow important to this story. So stick around, and you'll hear a brief story of my life right now.
As you may know, I was once happy - full of hope and all of those things. Now, now I'm just a mess. People may say just swat those little demons away but you know as well as I do that people who say that underestimate the situation. Those demons don't go away, never do they not whisper pessimism into your ear. With them there, you will never hear yourself think optimistically instead maybe you'll lose the will to even try what you think you can't do. 'People can do it better, you're losing the race' or 'You're a fool for trying, you're embarrassing yourself' is what you might hear or will hear no matter what, you then resolve to try to motivate yourself but the pessimism has control over your brain and you can't think anymore. The dark storm clouds that formed around you follow you and then you experience true darkness - the belief that the light will never come back. the fact that there will never be hope.
From what I've seen and heard, a regular person would say 'Don't believe that, there will be hope' and I want to believe that, with all of my heart but if it was that easy - why feel this way?
Quick answer-it isn't.
So my story to some people may seem petty, but it still grated on me deeply. My smiles were heavy, I cried myself to sleep and a lot more - those are in the later stories, so wait for that. I'm not the kind with PTSD but it still hurts and I can't deny it. People blame me for everything, even when I did nothing, but of course it's MY fault.
It always is.
That's just a peek into my story.
There are many different depression but this is my depression.