I often tried to figure out who I am and where my life is going, constantly thinking to myself how to make a quick buck.
Being the last one out of two other sisters I was mostly overlooked and ignored. Whenever I would ask my sister Sabrina to play dolls with me she would push me away, never wanting me to bother her. When I got older I understood you know, just want to be to yourself, but still. I was mostly bored, so I started to daydream about the life I wanted to create for myself.
I used to play the guitar in a band club in middle school. It was fun, it put my mind at ease when I would think about the world wanting to shut me out or when some of the students made fun of my vitiligo.
But they didn’t have anyone to teach that at my high school and I couldn't ask my mom about getting any lessons, cause we were poor and we didn't get any help from family.
Even so on one of my birthdays when I was about twelve or thirteen. I came home and found a pink guitar on my bed and I was so excited. When I went to thank my mom, she told me that she wasn’t the one who bought me the guitar. I asked her who did she just wouldn't answer me. To this day I have this little hope that it was my father and I was happy and finally had hope that one day I could even get to meet him. I would play it all the time and carry it with me everywhere even carrying it to school until my mom sold my guitar without telling me and bought groceries for the house as she claimed but I noticed she also had her makeup and hair done.
My mom's name is Sherise Destiny. She is very plump and curvy. She has a dark skin tone and soft curly shoulder-length hair.
She has been studying to become a teacher while juggling part-time jobs at different places but can't seem to keep any because of her short temper and lack of respect for people.
But me, not saying I have much respect either, but I loved making new friends and getting to know people, or when I am not out I might be practicing my cheerleading choreography or reading comics. But as if because I never got enough chances to play when I was younger, as I got older I became more of a troublemaker. I would prank my sister Sabrina a lot, like that one time while she slept I put toothpaste on her hand and tickled her nose, then sent it to her friends and put it on my status.
It makes me laugh even now, ahh, good times.
But, I can't laugh on an empty stomach for too long. I decided to ask mom if we could make up and start selling snacks and drinks so that we can save and buy food and have bus fare for school and she rushed me like a dog.
So I asked my sisters and we put our little money together and did it ourselves.
Then I noticed she started to also sell her own little nik-nock items.
I don't have many fears except for the dark but who doesn't. I had this dream once when I was a kid when I looked in the mirror and saw a hideous clown’s face looking back at me. It's funny now when I think of it but back then I stopped looking at mirrors and my reflection for three years after that though. When you young you fool fool bad though. I am laughing at myself now. Then soon after my skin condition started.
You could say to how close me and my sisters are. We probably had a lot of fun together, but that's furthest from the truth. We recently started getting close. I remember how they never really wanted to even play with me. I would run up to them or jump on their backs and they would just brush me off.
I remember almost getting lost one day cause I went outside so I could play with the other kids and my best friend. They stole my shoes and in looking for them I stepped on a broken glass bottle. When I was brought home by my best friend's mom I was dirty and bleeding and got some hot licks on top of it.
The one thing we always did together as a family was either eating at the table together while watching our favorite Indian series show like we just can’t go a week without watching Miss Kushi or doing each other's hair on weekends.
I think now and then I am lonely looking for that person to just play with my dolls, speaking of dolls I remember my mom would just come home with a new doll telling me that it was from someone but she never told me who that person was.
Maybe that's why I get high so I can just have fun and then burn out to start the process over again. I definitely don't want to be alone too, and I would hate to be a loser.
Cause I'm not even the typical girl you thought got bullied even but I did especially for my skin condition. Now I am so ready to fight a bitch if they even say feh cause, I don't play with disrespect. Might even tief a gyal money after too.
Might even take the shoes too and sell them to Mr. Chin and get some money. Please. Right deh suh, any who.
Yeah, but speaking of that, at one point I did have a problem with stealing yes, I was what they call a kleptomaniac. It all started when I was in primary school and I used to wait for my Mother to come to pick me up. I would wait on her at this lady's vending stall and she sold some pretty blow bubbles. I really like bubbles, but I didn't have the money to buy them so I took my chance and I took them, and I hid them. When I went home I blew to my heart's content, pause…but yeah it was fun.
Until I had to have counseling for it, but so far I have been good on the straight and narrow ever since. I mean I stopped stealing from malls and stores. I only smuggle alcohol now and then and just sell them to other teens now and then, but sshhhh don’t tell anybody about that last part. Cause Girl not able to deal with the po po.
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